Hi, I am an INFP gal and new to this forum.
I have had a "situation" with an ENFJ guy that I am trying to process...hope some of you have some insight
well, I am an American living in China now and in a graduate program. I met a fellow student, an ENFJ male, early on in the semester (I am guessing his type, but pretty confident I'm right.) Anyway, he was very friendly and attentive to me kind of right off the bat. We wound up talking for a long time on a small group outing (well, he did most of the talking, hehe). He also directly said to me that we should spend more time together. (not in an off-handed way, it seemed very thought-out and deliberate). After that, he'd ask me a few times a week if I wanted to study with him in the library. While there, we'd sit by ourselves and wind up having long conversations that flowed wonderfully, with other people asking, later, "just what were you two talking about??" (he especially would get very animated).
So, we were getting closer but at the same time, there were times when he seemed a little cool and distant. However whenever I'd think that, he'd warm up again later, giving me silly little presents (like a stuffed animal he found), or helping me with random stuff, etc.
We had known each other almost 2 months and were becoming good friends, but he never "made a move" so I mustered up courage and told him via text message that I liked him as more than a friend. He wrote back that he could feel that we were "more than just regular classmates", but that he needs to focus on studying now. He also said that "when two people get too close, they wind up hurting each other; I have experienced that and don't want to experience it again."
After that message exchange however he became even more friendly to me, and became more proactive in asking me to do stuff. He also shared lots of personal things with me, and invited me to his house for the Chinese new year (he's Chinese). Physically I noticed a difference too- once when I was in his room he fed me some food from some leftovers we were eating, and he started sort of leaning against me when we were in close proximity.
So, I felt that this was ambiguous and so directly asked him if he had feelings for me other than as a friend. He said that he did not, but I was just his closest classmate. He also told me that he wanted to get to know me better initially because I seemed shy, but like a really nice person.
I don't think he is lying about his feelings but I wonder if anyone can lend any insight into the "ENFJ mind". Do ENFJ's normally act like this with people they are not interested romantically? If so, why? Any insight into his motivations or thoughts?
note: He is Chinese, so I am sure that affects his behavior and motivations in different ways too.
thanks for reading!