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  1. #11
    Senior Member chris1207's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by bearette View Post
    awww.....you left me hangin':blushing:

    i have a specific question for you, when you get back...why would he said, "I don't have feelings for you other than as a friend", if it weren't true?

    I know he does not want/is not ready for a relationship...but i can;t figure out if he is just trying to be nice about it or if he does have some kind of feeling he's trying to supress.

    another thing- he is also friendly with my roommate (but not close) and he flirts with her in a major, obvious, way. he kind of acts like a horn dog around her. but with me, no. he just acts really nice, and kind of intimate.
    I'm back! Woohoo!

    ENFJ's, I think are, like a lot of EXXJ's, planners. We like to set up a system of expectations and basically play every relationship like it's a game of chess. He's just studying up on you and your guys' (hopefully) future relationship.

    The thing is is that these expectations set the relationship up for failure to begin with. We end up getting this magical, mystical idea of what the relationship should be and forget how it is. Eventually, you get these feelings that you can't live up to the picture he's painted and either he gets bored and breaks up with you or you get upset and break up with him. I've had a lot of relationships end this way.

    More than anything, you should tell him that you like him and that you sure as hell know he likes you and that you understand that jumping right into a relationship is scary but that maybe together you two could turn it into something exciting. I know that I as an ENFJ would respond really well to that. It shows that you really care for him and that your "like" of him isn't a "ho-hum this tuna in the fridge looks good" kind of thing.

    As for the whole innuendo thing, that's kind of what we do. Is she attractive (even remotely?) We think about sex when we get around the opposite sex and rather than letting that eat us up in side we let that come forth as innuendo because we know it will elicit a pleasant reaction from the person it's directed at. He's really just trying to be nice and trying to maintain his integrity by not hiding the feelings that every guy has for every attractive girl on the streets.

    I hope you don't think that he's trying to make you jealous or test you or anything! It's just how we do "nice" with the opposite sex. He just doesn't do that with you because you and he have plans, so to speak and he wants it to be perfect.

    Oh and we aren't "kind of horndogs" we are "massive horndogs" btw

    "... you think deeply about stuff [that] nobody cares about and hardly anybody can understand you." ~ Peguy talking about Ni users. So true.

  2. #12
    Filthy Apes! Kalach's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by chris1207 View Post
    Oh and we aren't "kind of horndogs" we are "massive horndogs" btw
    You are?

    That's upsetting. (Long story.)

    Because I read somewhere in some type description that ENFJs aren't much interested in sex where it does not express love and intimacy.





    Yeah, I know, who really is interested without there be love and/or intimacy... but golly gee willikers, there's a fair few definitions of love and intimacy that don't fit Fe restrictions.

  3. #13
    Senior Member chris1207's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kalach View Post
    You are?

    That's upsetting. (Long story.)

    Because I read somewhere in some type description that ENFJs aren't much interested in sex where it does not express love and intimacy.





    Yeah, I know, who really is interested without there be love and/or intimacy... but golly gee willikers, there's a fair few definitions of love and intimacy that don't fit Fe restrictions.
    LOL! You're just upset because it doesn't fit your paradigm of what it is to be an ENFJ. Maybe you have more to learn! "Horndog" doesn't necessarily mean humpy the leg of any girl that happens to catch my eye. For me, it means being very sexually conscience much of the time and choosing not to restrain that side of you. You really don't have to go all the way to be a horndog so you don't have to be in a loving/intimate relationship.

    It doesn't mean oodles and oodles of casual, no-strings-attached sex, if that's what you're thinking...

    I dunno, it's just what I do. In all fairness, I've had girls that I've "horndogged" describe me as a gentleman and as being courteous to them and not sarcastically either, so there! HA HA
    "... you think deeply about stuff [that] nobody cares about and hardly anybody can understand you." ~ Peguy talking about Ni users. So true.

  4. #14
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    Quote Originally Posted by chris1207 View Post

    More than anything, you should tell him that you like him and that you sure as hell know he likes you and that you understand that jumping right into a relationship is scary but that maybe together you two could turn it into something exciting. I know that I as an ENFJ would respond really well to that. It shows that you really care for him and that your "like" of him isn't a "ho-hum this tuna in the fridge looks good" kind of thing.



    thank you so much for your reply!!

    but....I told him I liked him! and he said he only likes me as a friend- he even said he wouldn't lie to me about that!

    so, isn't it possible he doesn't think of me romantically?

  5. #15
    Senior Member The Third Rider's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by bearette View Post
    thank you so much for your reply!!

    but....I told him I liked him! and he said he only likes me as a friend- he even said he wouldn't lie to me about that!

    so, isn't it possible he doesn't think of me romantically?
    Than I would take his word for it. I know that I like to flirt and tease and he provably does it for the attention. I sometimes flirt just for the attention and have no intentions of a relationships, if I were you I would not waste more emotional energy on him than. Once he stops receiving that type of attention from you watch him change and look a little confused.
    ENFJ 3W4

    If you read this I am sorry to say that you just lost 5 seconds of your life that you wont be getting back.*

    *Actual time may vary.

  6. #16
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    Quote Originally Posted by The Third Rider View Post
    Than I would take his word for it. I know that I like to flirt and tease and he provably does it for the attention. I sometimes flirt just for the attention and have no intentions of a relationships, if I were you I would not waste more emotional energy on him than. Once he stops receiving that type of attention from you watch him change and look a little confused.
    thanks; i think you are most likely right.

    the sad thing, though, is that we (were) good friends. I'm just not sure how I stop wasting emotional energy while at the same time maintaining a friendship. (I guess a start would be for me to stop obsessively discussing the situations on online forums)

    we just had the start of our month-long break, the one during (part of) which he invited me to his house. i wrote him a note thanking him but saying i could not come after all because the situation was difficult for me. Honestly, he was probably relieved as I had sensed he had been a little distant the past several days; in all fairness I keep questioning him about this situation when we are together

  7. #17
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    Quote Originally Posted by bearette View Post
    thanks; i think you are most likely right.

    the sad thing, though, is that we (were) good friends. I'm just not sure how I stop wasting emotional energy while at the same time maintaining a friendship. (I guess a start would be for me to stop obsessively discussing the situations on online forums)

    we just had the start of our month-long break, the one during (part of) which he invited me to his house. i wrote him a note thanking him but saying i could not come after all because the situation was difficult for me. Honestly, he was probably relieved as I had sensed he had been a little distant the past several days; in all fairness I keep questioning him about this situation when we are together
    Heey, I'm like in a situation like yours except I'm the guy. Being worried about it is ok, hehe. I get worried too, I wanted to meet her, but she was unsure, so I was abit confused if I should keep trying. I really miss her, so I tried being more direct, but I think it comes across as too blunt.

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