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  1. #1
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    Default questions for/about INFJ and ENFJ men

    A question for all you INFJ men out there: do you flirt openly with people?

    A question for all you ENFJ men out there: can you be shy in certain situations?

    I ask because I have a person who seems to be either ENFJ or INFJ throwing out indicators of interest and I can't figure him out. I could do things the hard way by talking to him, but being the socially anxious nerd that I am, I'm too nervous.

    Anyway, this one guy (forgive the sappy teenage romance, look away if you want no part of it) keeps looking at me with this intense, protracted stare whenever I wait on him at the place where I work. Were he not cute I would say that his stare was creepy (it's a little too intense for me). He says a few things to me from time to time, none of which I can remember since I'm such a nervous wreck, and comes across as confident, upright, calm, and sensitive. Occasionally he'll rush. He's apparently an overachiever at school and is very dedicated to his work.

    The reason why I'm confused as to whether he's ENFJ or INFJ is because he demonstrates elements of both types (INFJ - sensitive, understated; ENFJ - confident, initiates conversations). I can't see him being INFJ because I can't see INFJ men flirting by staring down their prey and I can't match him to any INFJ man I currently know. I can't see him being ENFJ because he's not in-your-face and high-octane and I can't match him to any ENFJ man I know. One day I didn't respond to his subtle overtures and he walked away looking timid and dejected. Questions, questions, questions.

    The issue for me is that MBTI overly dichotomizes things: behaviors are either all E or all I, rarely in between. I also come from a Socionics background (ask if you're not familiar with it), so I'm all confused about whether with strangers (open displays of emotion, initiating conversations) is INFJ territory or not.

    So yeah, at this point I have no clue what he's about. The logical step would be to talk to him at some point, but seeing that I get so nervous in these situations I wouldn't be able to carry on a conversation.

    Thanks in advance for reading my blabber; situations like these obviously don't happen too much in my life.

  2. #2
    Senior Member paisley1's Avatar
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    I'm an INFJ and I flirt openly with women all the time, and initiate conversations even when I'm with a girl on a date, I can't help but flirt with other girls, and most of the time that helps to create some jealousy and friction with the girl I'm with, then in turn inflates my ego because she either leaves confirming she's an idiot or tries harder to impress me. (Here's the shoulder and here's the chip.....go ahead....) LOL, said for everyone's amusement.

    INFJ's are: IN then EF
    ENFJ's are: EF then IN

    Remember INFJ's have Introverted intuition and able to read people like psychics almost, especially women, and being counselors, we are social diagnosticians....doctors of relationships and social behaviour, and those secondary extroverted feelings confuse the INFJ with the ENFJ. ENFJ's are going around trying to help people taking on too much and neglecting themselves.

    Again, it's how something is said, that seperates the two. The ENFJ will express feelings intuitively and because of that, they're really fun, and the INFJ will express intuitive things by how those intuitive things feel to them, which comes from a place of importance and belief or ideal. As well, the INFJ will put you on a pedestal as his ideal that stands apart from the crowd as the INFJ is looking for his "one" or I guess, his "Trinity" if you get the Matrix reference, and the ENFJ will continually try to meet your needs and smother you and usually they are one with the crowd as though no distinction exists.

    Here's some links:

    INFJ: INFJ Relationships
    ENFJ: ENFJ Relationships

  3. #3
    Member jaku's Avatar
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    it's the intense staring that leads me to believe it's not infj magic being worked. my Fe is pretty well developed, i flirt with everyone in a sense i suppose, but i would never staaaaaare someone down in a manner that could be perceived in any way as creepy.

    the dedication/studying thing has me leaning more toward the enfj side.
    but he slinked away when not being attended to?

    how about an unconventionally soft entj?
    smart studious and assertive. potential for refined staring tactics.
    passionate and caring as well.
    but also misleading and rather mysterious until conversed with

    Quote Originally Posted by curiousjane View Post
    The issue for me is that MBTI overly dichotomizes things
    yep.
    i'd like to get with socionics program. the focus on intertype relationships is behhhhhdy behhdy intelesting
    So you were born, and that is a good day.
    And someday you'll die and what a shame.
    But somewhere in the between, theres a life in which we all dream,
    And nothing and no one will ever take that away.

  4. #4
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    I flirt openly today, but I've only recently learned to do it. For most of my life, I was pretty reserved and shy around women, and I suppose I sent signals very below-the-line.

    There's plenty of book-learning on the subject, and I studied it with great interest and amusement. Once I learned that there are lots of interactions that work well in almost any situation, I loosened up and lost all the shyness. But it didn't come naturally.

    Not sure is an intense stare is necessarily creepy or even necessarily part of your particular contact. INFJ men are pretty intense, period. It could just be his way of being intense.

  5. #5
    Senior Member paisley1's Avatar
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    What does he say after he stares you down? What is the topic? Just food? Maybe he's just weird, and want's his coffee NOW!! I just realized not too long ago I was caught staring at a women I later spent the evening with, then again, I knew the women before hand, although staring at someone is pretty creepy. INFJ's tend to gawk at things we admire I guess, remember, INFJ's are about finding their ideal and putting her on a pedestal. We also like thinking about interesting people, and when we've summed a person up and there's more than the summation, we probably stare for a while. The guy you're talking about Curiousjane, has to be defined beyond the staring. The method of how things are expressed is what needs to be defined about this guy, to properly define his myers briggs.

    Oh, and with the socionics, I'm an EIE, Ethical Intuitive Extrovert, aka, actor, but for the most part I enjoy dabbling with MBTI much more jakuwhat, I find there's more to discuss.

    Archangel, you are more of a true introvert than I am, shyness has never been problematic for me as I was too talented as a kid to be shy...."look what I've built" or "listen to what I found out" and the classic, "look what I can do", defines me. None of which is done because I need to be around people, but strictly to showcase the talents I already have, to someone other than myself. LOL! But I'd be quite fine never showing anyone how awesome I am. Bahahaha!

  6. #6
    Badoom~ Skyward's Avatar
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    A question for all you INFJ men out there: do you flirt openly with people?
    I don't because I know the attempts sound stupid in my head. I'm not a good speaker unless I just let it flow, but that's just silly jokes or banter or more likely, a confused mumble of words. Usually pretty off-color, too. I find my niche among the open-minded dorks :B

    Around people I'm attracted to, I'm hesitant and work hard not to stare. I basically try to hold back my strange side until they've acclimatized (I never know exactly if they do, but I sorta guess) and a slowly bring it out.

    The issue for me is that MBTI overly dichotomizes things
    I don't use type except as a label for the flavors of personalities, enneagram helps a lot too. (Ive even spent some thought about 'if x type were an object... what would it be?)
    'Imperfection is beauty, madness is genius and its better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring.' - Marilyn Monroe

    This is who I am, escapist, paradise-seeker.
    -Nightwish

    Anthropology Major out of Hamline University. St. Paul, Minnesota.

  7. #7
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    The correct eye-contact rule is: Hold her eyes until she looks away, then avert. Do NOT hold your gaze beyond her disengagement.

  8. #8
    Guerilla Urbanist Brendan's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by curiousjane View Post
    A question for all you INFJ men out there: do you flirt openly with people?

    A question for all you ENFJ men out there: can you be shy in certain situations?

    I ask because I have a person who seems to be either ENFJ or INFJ throwing out indicators of interest and I can't figure him out. I could do things the hard way by talking to him, but being the socially anxious nerd that I am, I'm too nervous.

    Anyway, this one guy (forgive the sappy teenage romance, look away if you want no part of it) keeps looking at me with this intense, protracted stare whenever I wait on him at the place where I work. Were he not cute I would say that his stare was creepy (it's a little too intense for me). He says a few things to me from time to time, none of which I can remember since I'm such a nervous wreck, and comes across as confident, upright, calm, and sensitive. Occasionally he'll rush. He's apparently an overachiever at school and is very dedicated to his work.

    The reason why I'm confused as to whether he's ENFJ or INFJ is because he demonstrates elements of both types (INFJ - sensitive, understated; ENFJ - confident, initiates conversations). I can't see him being INFJ because I can't see INFJ men flirting by staring down their prey and I can't match him to any INFJ man I currently know. I can't see him being ENFJ because he's not in-your-face and high-octane and I can't match him to any ENFJ man I know. One day I didn't respond to his subtle overtures and he walked away looking timid and dejected. Questions, questions, questions.

    The issue for me is that MBTI overly dichotomizes things: behaviors are either all E or all I, rarely in between. I also come from a Socionics background (ask if you're not familiar with it), so I'm all confused about whether with strangers (open displays of emotion, initiating conversations) is INFJ territory or not.

    So yeah, at this point I have no clue what he's about. The logical step would be to talk to him at some point, but seeing that I get so nervous in these situations I wouldn't be able to carry on a conversation.

    Thanks in advance for reading my blabber; situations like these obviously don't happen too much in my life.
    Telling the difference between these two types is often difficult. We share all the same functions, we almost reciprocate each other. Fe, Ni, Se, Ti and Ni, Fe, Ti, Se. When I find someone attractive, I immediately clam up. And while I can be confident and boisterous among those I know and am familiar with, I very rarely interact with an established group without observing... for a while. Anyway, a good way to tell if someone is NFJ, regardless of E vs. I is an appearance of "reserved candor." That was the description provided of Paul Atreides in the book Dune. It seemed to fit well.

    That being said, does it matter to you whether he's E or I? Sounds like he's into you either way.
    There is no such thing as separation from God.

  9. #9
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    CuriousJane: The answer to your question is problably yes, that he is INFJ. Both INFJ and ENFJ's stare with intense glare and it's sometimes conscious and sometimes they are really lost in their head. An ENFJ would very soon go and talk to you, ESPECIALLY if your shy. An INFJ would probably need some strong efforts and self-development to go and talk to another shy girl. The thing is when INFJ's stare that much on you, there's probably no thinking involved and its not ment to be hostile but It's just curiousity. And If he is flirting with you, then at that very moment, it is probably real. Even if it seems like he isn't taking things to seriously, it is anyway (at that moment).

    A dealbreaker for you, if you really got the balls for it, would be to initiate a conversation with him. He WILL lighten up and feel that a burden has left his heart. And his intense staring will probably change to a more friendly stare, and he will have the guts himself to initiate future contact.

  10. #10
    Senior Member The Third Rider's Avatar
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    Well I am an ENFJ and I would not be up in your face I am more reserved than that so he mifght be an ENFJ.
    ENFJ 3W4

    If you read this I am sorry to say that you just lost 5 seconds of your life that you wont be getting back.*

    *Actual time may vary.

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