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  1. #31
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    The perfectionistic tendencies run deep in ENFJ. They want to keep doing the right thing, so will accept the damage. The shadow is a chance to restore that balance by removing the damage. Not exactly the best way, but effective nonetheless. ENFJ's have a hard time letting go without some form of return to whatever effects them. Their world may seem scary and dark because they build up everything that happens to them till it gets too much to handle. However, they choose to release everything at once to the next occurance. When things get stressful for me, I know I have to release it soon or it will eat at me. I think the difference is that ENFJ's hold it in like INFP's but don't just ignore it or deal with it constructively, trying to think they can handle it. ENFJ's soon learn to like the darkness and live in it, while INFP's in the same dark world try to fight it by accepting it as a part of them and letting it go. INFP's are actually just as dark as ENFJ's, we just try not to change or become the darkness like other types, but live with it as a part of ourselves and try to move on.

  2. #32
    Earth Exalted Thursday's Avatar
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    Default ENFJ darkside anthem?

    [youtube=paAzGM9szNk]Ani Difranco - Joyful Girl[/youtube]
    Quote Originally Posted by AniDiFranco
    i do it for the joy it brings
    because i'm a joyful girl
    because the world owes me nothing
    and we owe each other the world
    i do it because it's the least i can do
    i do it because i learned it from you
    and i do it just because i want to
    because i want to

    everything i do is judged
    and they mostly get it wrong
    but oh well
    'cuz the bathroom mirror has not budged
    and the woman who lives there can tell
    the truth from the stuff that they say
    and she looks me in the eye
    and says would you prefer the easy way
    no, well o.k. then
    don't cry

    i wonder if everything i do
    i do instead
    of something i want to do more
    the question fills my head
    i know there's no grand plan here
    this is just the way it goes
    when everything else seems unclear
    i guess at least i know

    i do it for the joy it brings
    because i'm a joyful girl
    because the world owes me nothing
    and we owe each other the world
    i do it because it's the least i can do
    i do it because i learned it from you
    and i do it just because i want to
    because i want to
    I N V I C T U S

  3. #33
    Senior Member SpottingTrains's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Thursday View Post
    funny how the ENFJs concede but don't show their vulnerability
    I know of three ENFJs, two of which i frequently come in contact with
    and although they may relay the info like its dust in the wind
    that same dust is laced with an underlining; dark and impending/palpable sorrow

    they stare off into space - the room gets silent and tense
    you can almost see the images they are, at least feel them
    its like the Ni and Ti axis haunts them, and they respond with the Fe-Se " but don't worry about it, *joke and slap on the shoulder/disappear*
    Very accurate, usually during the course of those few moments of silence my brain goes something like this:

    Would they understand? no
    Do they care? who knows
    Should I try to explain? no
    Carry on as normal? yes

  4. #34
    The Black Knight Domino's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SpottingTrains View Post
    Very accurate, usually during the course of those few moments of silence my brain goes something like this:

    Would they understand? no
    Do they care? who knows
    Should I try to explain? no
    Carry on as normal? yes
    I did this very thing last night.

    I was speaking to someone I care very much about, and this was like the third or fourth time they'd run me over or marginalized me. I admit my defenses are rock bottom low right now, so I just retreated further and further into myself. I almost completely stopped speaking. All I could say to my sister about it was that I was really hurt and unsure of what I had exposed to attack so I back up and back up to get out of danger. It's like I go into lockdown, overpowered by Fe like my face has been slapped. I just stand there, with the bullets flying past and can't move.

    My sister compares it to that scene in "A Christmas Story" where little Randy crawls under the kitchen sink and won't come back out because he's so upset. She calls it my "Randy under the kitchen sink" mode and hates it when it happens because it's not like me to get beaten and turtle up. She says my eyes get really big and I stop speaking.

    Would they understand? - I thought so but they don't...
    Do they care? - they've chosen not to... why...
    Should I try to explain? - no.... run, back up, GO NOW
    Carry on as normal? - DO IT and don't cry
    eNFJ 4w3 sx/so 468 tritype
    Neutral Good
    EII-Fi subtype, Ethical/Empath, Delta/Beta
    RLUEI, Choleric/Melancholic
    Inquistive/Limbic
    AIS Holland code
    Researcher: VDI-P
    Dramatic>Sensitive>Serious

  5. #35
    Senior Member SpottingTrains's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by PinkPiranha View Post
    I was speaking to someone I care very much about, and this was like the third or fourth time they'd run me over or marginalized me. I admit my defenses are rock bottom low right now, so I just retreated further and further into myself. I almost completely stopped speaking. All I could say to my sister about it was that I was really hurt and unsure of what I had exposed to attack so I back up and back up to get out of danger. It's like I go into lockdown, overpowered by Fe like my face has been slapped. I just stand there, with the bullets flying past and can't move.
    Yep, exactly, an emotional lockdown. Usually happens to me whenever someone makes an offhand comment about me, almost always in jest but the result is the same. I will just get very quiet and won't move but I will continue to stare at them "with the bullets flying past" and try to comprehend what just happened. It literally takes me at least 10 seconds to internalize what they just said and actually continue on with the conversation. It actually feels exactly like getting slapped.

  6. #36
    The Black Knight Domino's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SpottingTrains View Post
    Yep, exactly, an emotional lockdown. Usually happens to me whenever someone makes an offhand comment about me, almost always in jest but the result is the same. I will just get very quiet and won't move but I will continue to stare at them "with the bullets flying past" and try to comprehend what just happened. It literally takes me at least 10 seconds to internalize what they just said and actually continue on with the conversation. It actually feels exactly like getting slapped.
    I try and try to explain that very thing to "outsiders", but I can't. That kind of breakdown is so sudden. It's humiliation or bad surprise at it's worst. I hate being ambushed. I hate it even more when I can't play it off but I can't summon anger to take care of it either. 100% pure mortification. And my Ni seems to draw it in toward my vital areas.

    I remember that happening once - someone I really admired and looked up to slighted me horribly (and unintentionally, didn't realize they'd done it) in front of some of my friends. It was so stunning and painful that I went from joking around to just standing there trying to force a smile back on my reddened face before I lost my composure.

    I made some cavalier joking remark, and then began my retreat. An INTP in the group, the minute the cruel blow fell, jerked his head up from the transmission he was working on, stared hard at me, really pained. He kept hunting for my eyes but I wouldn't look at him. I knew I'd cry if I did and I didn't want to break down in front of everyone.
    eNFJ 4w3 sx/so 468 tritype
    Neutral Good
    EII-Fi subtype, Ethical/Empath, Delta/Beta
    RLUEI, Choleric/Melancholic
    Inquistive/Limbic
    AIS Holland code
    Researcher: VDI-P
    Dramatic>Sensitive>Serious

  7. #37
    Earth Exalted Thursday's Avatar
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    are the video and lyrics i posted accurate?
    I N V I C T U S

  8. #38
    The Black Knight Domino's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Thursday View Post
    are the video and lyrics i posted accurate?
    she looks me in the eye
    and says would you prefer the easy way
    no, well o.k. then
    don't cry


    That, esp.
    eNFJ 4w3 sx/so 468 tritype
    Neutral Good
    EII-Fi subtype, Ethical/Empath, Delta/Beta
    RLUEI, Choleric/Melancholic
    Inquistive/Limbic
    AIS Holland code
    Researcher: VDI-P
    Dramatic>Sensitive>Serious

  9. #39
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    Quote Originally Posted by PinkPiranha View Post
    she looks me in the eye
    and says would you prefer the easy way
    no, well o.k. then
    don't cry


    That, esp.
    My Ni heard that and said " ENFJ shadow "
    I N V I C T U S

  10. #40
    Senior Member SpottingTrains's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Thursday View Post
    are the video and lyrics i posted accurate?
    I can't concentrate on the words that much when I am listening to the music for some reason and reading the words just by themselves without the music doesn't really connect with me. Not saying that it doesn't accurately describe me but I just can't relate to something that way.

    Right now The Unforgiven by Metallica would be the best song to describe what you are trying to put your finger on, for me at least.

    YouTube - Metallica - The Unforgiven

    It's humiliation or bad surprise at it's worst. I hate being ambushed. I hate it even more when I can't play it off but I can't summon anger to take care of it either.
    The worst part for me is that no matter how much you prepare for it you still can't do anything to avoid it. You can say, "Ok, I'm not going to freeze up, they are just screwing around" but the same thing still happens. I just can't disassociate myself from what they say quick enough.

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