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[MBTI General] Which other types have you found to be consistently disastrous in relationships?

ArchAngel

New member
Joined
Jan 11, 2009
Messages
79
MBTI Type
INFJ
I'm an INFJ, and I mean, I'm a TOTAL INFJ. Everything they write about us is etched in my soul. I am wary of giving "typology" more power than it warrants in general, but I have to concede its applicability to me. It is completely consistent.

I am also finding complete consistency in the good/bad of typing in my relationship history, to wit:

I have been deeply involved with three ISTJ's. All three were disastrous.

I lived with an INTJ for 5 years. In the end, it turned out not to be, but it wasn't nearly as bad.

I am strongly attracted to an INFP at this time.

One of my best friends is an INFJ, like me, the first female INFJ I've ever been close to. And another of my best friends, a woman, is an ISTJ --- but we are not romantically involved in any way, and this seems to work out just fine.

At any rate: my conclusion is, ISTJ BAD FOR ME!!! (or, one might also say, ME BAD FOR ISTJs!!!)

Is there any type that you, as an INFJ, just seem to do terribly with?
 

Tiltyred

New member
Joined
Dec 1, 2008
Messages
4,322
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
468
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
I had a similarly bad experience with ISTJ. We were married 8 years. He ruined my life. And vice versa.
 

illume

New member
Joined
Aug 5, 2007
Messages
89
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
4w3
I have been married to an ISTJ for 22 years. They are not a "best-fit" for an NF in my opinion.

The good: Good with money, organized, detail oriented and loyal.

The bad: Moody, sarcastic, cynical and out of touch with feelings.

Mind you, this is only my ISTJ.

My ISTJ has no understanding of my kooky sense of humor and a complete inability to understand the depth of NF feeling and emotion. It is not the best situation. More of a parent-child type thing with me in the child role. :blush:
 
V

violaine

Guest
I was with an ISTJ for a while. Longest and most serious relationship. He was most definitely not good for me.
 

quietmusician

New member
Joined
Nov 29, 2008
Messages
320
MBTI Type
INFJ
Enneagram
4
I'm not a total J, but I can get along with everybody. It's just that certain people don't want to get along with me. I have bumped heads with ESTJ's the most. And I'm wary around xSTP's.
 

Skyward

Badoom~
Joined
Jul 3, 2008
Messages
1,084
MBTI Type
infj
Enneagram
9w1
And I'm wary around xSTP's.

Yeah, xSTPs can feel dangerous for some reason. Might me their penchant for dangerous hobbies. (One I know built a ghetto rocket launcher)
I don't quite know many people of different types and only guess at a few, but I figure SJs are the ones that usually give off vibes that bug me somehow, similar for ESPs, they're kinda TOO playful.
 

heart

heart on fire
Joined
May 19, 2007
Messages
8,456
Dated ESTx, misery and disconnect for both.

Dated ISTJ, disaster, frustration and boredom for me.
 

qwertsquirt

New member
Joined
Oct 26, 2009
Messages
17
MBTI Type
INFJ
I went through a very twisted cycle with an ISFJ and it was very painful and disasterous. I think she was half/half with T/F but she really hurt me twice and I don't really know how to start dating again thinking will I find someone...
 

Lady_X

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 27, 2008
Messages
18,235
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
784
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
I have been married to an ISTJ for 22 years. They are not a "best-fit" for an NF in my opinion.

The good: Good with money, organized, detail oriented and loyal.

The bad: Moody, sarcastic, cynical and out of touch with feelings.

Mind you, this is only my ISTJ.

My ISTJ has no understanding of my kooky sense of humor and a complete inability to understand the depth of NF feeling and emotion. It is not the best situation. More of a parent-child type thing with me in the child role. :blush:

are you cool with your role though or does it piss you off?
 

Domino

ENFJ In Chains
Joined
Nov 5, 2007
Messages
11,429
MBTI Type
eNFJ
Enneagram
4w3
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
I have been married to an ISTJ for 22 years. They are not a "best-fit" for an NF in my opinion.

The good: Good with money, organized, detail oriented and loyal.

The bad: Moody, sarcastic, cynical and out of touch with feelings.

Mind you, this is only my ISTJ.

My ISTJ has no understanding of my kooky sense of humor and a complete inability to understand the depth of NF feeling and emotion. It is not the best situation. More of a parent-child type thing with me in the child role. :blush:

If it's not too forward: may I ask why you married this person? I'm seriously curious. What told you to enter into matrimony with this man? Was it always this way with him?

In my case, I've never been tempted to date another J, so I'm limited to my personal experience and those are more 'personality flaw' than 'personality'.

My parents are INFJ - ESTJ, and that erupted in a ball of flame pretty much right away. They got divorced right after we were born.
 

bronson

New member
Joined
Nov 2, 2009
Messages
93
MBTI Type
ENFJ
Enneagram
3w4
My history goes -
ESFP several times (she was heaps flighty),
ISFP (I got flighty...),
ESFP (she drove me crazy very quickly).

And so I've been sticking to those meaningless hook ups since waiting for 'the one' to appear haha... yes the inner cynic laughs but I know it will happen!! Most recent was an ENFP - now she wants more and I'm just not down... man I'm a jerk.
But I'm young!!
 

Lily flower

New member
Joined
Jun 28, 2010
Messages
930
MBTI Type
INFJ
Enneagram
2
I am an INFJ.

The one person (non-romantic) who drives me the most crazy is an ISTJ.

The one person who hurt me more than anyone ever (also non-romantic) is an ESFP or ENFP. She was wicked - pretended to be like a best friend and then used every piece of personal information she learned about me to emotionally attack and try to personally detroy me.

My husband/soul mate/most perfect person for me is either ENFJ or ESFJ. The moment we met, it was like talking to a long-lost friend.

I am very attracted to INFP's & ENFJ's.

I cannot stand NT men. They drive me absolutely crazy. I do not for the life of me see why some MB books pair NF's and NT's. I absolutely have to have both friends and romances be F's, not T's.
 

BerberElla

12 and a half weeks
Joined
Sep 25, 2008
Messages
2,725
MBTI Type
infp
ISTJ, ruined my life (Yeah I know I let him, but still lol) and caused some serious damage to any ability I may have in the future to form a new relationship with any other type.
 

OrangeAppled

Sugar Hiccup
Joined
Mar 20, 2009
Messages
7,626
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
4w5
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
I haven't had much serious relationship experience, but I have done my share of dating...

I hate to jump on the ISTJ bandwagon, because I actually find them pretty cool for friends (if you avoid the lame ones, like any type), but I find when they get infatuated with you they become bull-doggish. That's a real turn-off for me. ISFJs get too needy - another turn-off.

ESTPs and I will click fast, but I have a feeling it would mean my destruction. I've never gotten very romantic with one, but I was business partners with one, and she threw me for a loop big time (but I did get the last laugh). Took me a year to recover from that $%&#! :steam:

I find ISTPs and I never really click - we can have tons in common on the surface, but I'm just too shy/bookish for them. INTJs produce a similar enigma effect - a weird draw that never pans out.

I DIE over ENFJs, but I'm starting to wonder why it never goes anywhere....I think they're holding out for the holy grail and missing great opportunities because of it. Although I admit I've been the one holding out before :blush: .

INTPs and I just disintegrate into arguing, but I admit that the one I mainly dealt with was VERY unhealthy. A healthy one might be great.

So there are patterns, but nothing to convince me to steer clear of a type in general. I'm dating an ESFP right now, which I never would have dreamed of :D.
 

Fidelia

Iron Maiden
Staff member
Joined
May 31, 2009
Messages
14,497
MBTI Type
INFJ
Dated an ESTJ for over four years because I was attracted to many of the qualities he possessed which I didn't. We made a good practical team in many regards with me providing big picture vision and empathetic people skills and him good with practical details and schmoozing (which is a great ability!). We both loved being hosts and cooking and we travelled well together. Both were easygoing in different ways and quite focussed in other ways. Overall though, the unawareness of his own emotional state, need for control, dislike of vulnerability, self-containedness, and lack of shared vision made me conclude that I wouldn't go for the same again. My ENFJ mother married my ISTJ dad and again, they have a lot of complementary traits, but their communication and conflict resolution styles are very different and I don't think my dad sees what my mum's emotional needs are and he feels ill-equipped to meet them. So I don't think I'd recommend either of those two types.

From what I can see, ISTP would also be a bad match.
 

Pixelholic

New member
Joined
Jun 20, 2010
Messages
550
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
8w7
ISTJ. Fortunately I saw the warning signs before we had dated for very long and got the fuck out of that relationship.

Then she started a bunch of rumors that I had raped her >_<
 

Lauren

New member
Joined
Dec 7, 2008
Messages
255
MBTI Type
INFP
Dated an ESTJ for over four years because I was attracted to many of the qualities he possessed which I didn't. We made a good practical team in many regards with me providing big picture vision and empathetic people skills and him good with practical details and schmoozing (which is a great ability!). We both loved being hosts and cooking and we travelled well together. Both were easygoing in different ways and quite focussed in other ways. Overall though, the unawareness of his own emotional state, need for control, dislike of vulnerability, self-containedness, and lack of shared vision made me conclude that I wouldn't go for the same again. My ENFJ mother married my ISTJ dad and again, they have a lot of complementary traits, but their communication and conflict resolution styles are very different and I don't think my dad sees what my mum's emotional needs are and he feels ill-equipped to meet them. So I don't think I'd recommend either of those two types.

From what I can see, ISTP would also be a bad match.[/QUOTE]

In many ways, I still love the ISTP that I'm separated from. He is all the things you describe in the bolded part. He's recently shown he can be vulnerable, but then he retreats. I don't mind the self-containedness, though when it shows itself as "I won't tell you how I feel no matter what," then that becomes too much work for me. It's difficult for him to see what my emotional needs are, though I tell him what they are. He sees things mostly from his perspective and it's not easy for him to emphathize or to meet my needs, as I need them met.
 

KiwiBurst

New member
Joined
Nov 4, 2007
Messages
38
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
6w7
Maybe it's because i'm young that I don't understand.
What are "emotional needs"? What are examples of some?
 
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