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  1. #31
    Senior Mugwump Apollanaut's Avatar
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    Another "No" vote from me! I am very erratic at keeping in touch with people. Like other INFJs have mentioned, I am very future focussed, so find it hard to even remember acquaintance's names after a certain amount of time.

    I do have some good friends with whom I stay in regular contact thanks to email (I also dislike long phone conversations, which drain me so much I begin to tune out completely.

    It is one of the many things I berate myself for, as my "Ideal Self" would be wonderful at staying in touch with people. Maybe our problem is caused by a clash between the conflicting goals of Ni and Fe? Since Ni is dominant it usually wins, but our Fe has sufficient input to make us feel guilty about ignoring people.
    INFJ 9w1 sx/sp/so

    "A wizard is never late. Nor is he early. He arrives precisely when he means to." - Gandalf The Grey

    And if I only could,
    I'd make a deal with God,
    And I'd get him to swap our places,
    Be running up that road,
    Be running up that hill,
    With no problems.

    - Kate Bush

  2. #32
    Senior Mugwump Apollanaut's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by beyondaurora View Post
    [COLOR="Navy"]To go a step further, I have a problem with suddenly getting in contact with everybody, then very quickly falling completely off the face of the earth.

    I actually did this just two days ago. I wrote to my old best friend, and I see that she called me, but I haven't listened to her message nor called her back. More often, I'll make a Facebook or myspace profile, add a couple dozen people (who are all like 'yay! where've you been?!'), and within a few weeks, I'll delete the account.
    Scary - I did the exact same thing with Facebook just before Christmas. I sent lots of my old Uni friends cheery "Hello" messages and got many nice replies, but I haven't done a thing about it since!

    This is so unanimous it must be a significant trait of INFJs.
    INFJ 9w1 sx/sp/so

    "A wizard is never late. Nor is he early. He arrives precisely when he means to." - Gandalf The Grey

    And if I only could,
    I'd make a deal with God,
    And I'd get him to swap our places,
    Be running up that road,
    Be running up that hill,
    With no problems.

    - Kate Bush

  3. #33
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lauren Ashley View Post
    Ditto.

    I feel like my life works in phases where I'll start something and do that for some time, then soon quit it altogether just to move on to the next thing. And when I leave a phase of my life behind I leave all of those included in that phase behind as well.


    [Come to think about it, how can I remove this account? Just kidding. Sort of...]
    My life has worked exactly that way ... the newest phase just fascinates me, and is completely unexpected ...

  4. #34
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lauren Ashley View Post
    I feel like my life works in phases where I'll start something and do that for some time, then soon quit it altogether just to move on to the next thing. And when I leave a phase of my life behind I leave all of those included in that phase behind as well.


    [Come to think about it, how can I remove this account? Just kidding. Sort of...]
    This is exactly what I do too. It's something I berate myself for (similar to what another post said) so it's nice to hear it may be related to type. Perhaps it's a mixture of type and instinctual stacking. I'm sx/sp btw.

    I related to a lot of the other posts in this thread too. I'm glad my Fe isn't broken after all. :P

  5. #35
    The Memes Justify the End EcK's Avatar
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    both drawn by the future and having difficulties letting go at times.
    how do those infj even cope with the present?

    the J must come in handy, no wonder INFP are so damn confused
    Expression of the post modern paradox : "For the love of god, religions are so full of shit"

    Theory is always superseded by Fact...
    ... In theory.

    “I’d hate to die twice. It’s so boring.”
    Richard Feynman's last recorded words

    "Great is the human who has not lost his childlike heart."
    Mencius (Meng-Tse), 4th century BCE

  6. #36
    Senior Mugwump Apollanaut's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by karenk View Post
    This is exactly what I do too. It's something I berate myself for (similar to what another post said) so it's nice to hear it may be related to type. Perhaps it's a mixture of type and instinctual stacking. I'm sx/sp btw.

    I related to a lot of the other posts in this thread too. I'm glad my Fe isn't broken after all. :P
    I have the same type and instinctual stacking as yourself. Are you suggesting that a social subtype would be better at keeping in touch (which makes a lot of sense)?
    INFJ 9w1 sx/sp/so

    "A wizard is never late. Nor is he early. He arrives precisely when he means to." - Gandalf The Grey

    And if I only could,
    I'd make a deal with God,
    And I'd get him to swap our places,
    Be running up that road,
    Be running up that hill,
    With no problems.

    - Kate Bush

  7. #37
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    Quote Originally Posted by Apollanaut View Post
    I have the same type and instinctual stacking as yourself. Are you suggesting that a social subtype would be better at keeping in touch (which makes a lot of sense)?
    Yes, supposedly the second stacking is the most in balance so I also think this would be natural for a so second. Of course so first is the most focused on social connections. I remember the description for sx/sp saying it's the most internally conflicted stacking. This type wants to connect but faces internal resistance with sp.

  8. #38
    Senior Mugwump Apollanaut's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by karenk View Post
    Yes, supposedly the second stacking is the most in balance so I also think this would be natural for a so second. Of course so first is the most focused on social connections. I remember the description for sx/sp saying it's the most internally conflicted stacking. This type wants to connect but faces internal resistance with sp.
    That's fascinating! Dealing with internal conflict has always been one of the "themes" of my own life; so much so that I have become skilled at assisting other people to deal with their own conflicts (see this thread for an example):

    http://www.typologycentral.com/forum...tml#post494502
    INFJ 9w1 sx/sp/so

    "A wizard is never late. Nor is he early. He arrives precisely when he means to." - Gandalf The Grey

    And if I only could,
    I'd make a deal with God,
    And I'd get him to swap our places,
    Be running up that road,
    Be running up that hill,
    With no problems.

    - Kate Bush

  9. #39
    Senior Member cloakofsnow's Avatar
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    Could it be that this lack of tendency to keep in touch is not specifically an INFJ thing but actually a cultural thing (a characteristic/symptom of our times)?

    People these days (compared to, say, people of a hundred years ago) generally seem to have much looser ties with families, friends, etc. We pretty much accept the idea that people in our lives come and go and we tend not to look back when a person fades out of our lives (that is, if we notice in the first place that the person is gone). The only type of relationship and connection that most people put energy into maintaining are romantic/sexual relationships. That's what I've noticed, at least.

  10. #40
    Member jaku's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by cloakofsnow View Post
    Could it be that this lack of tendency to keep in touch is not specifically an INFJ thing but actually a cultural thing (a characteristic/symptom of our times)?

    People these days (compared to, say, people of a hundred years ago) generally seem to have much looser ties with families, friends, etc. We pretty much accept the idea that people in our lives come and go and we tend not to look back when a person fades out of our lives (that is, if we notice in the first place that the person is gone). The only type of relationship and connection that most people put energy into maintaining are romantic/sexual relationships. That's what I've noticed, at least.
    i very much agree and thinks this creates a lot of confusion and problems concerning relationships with others. there is a lack of tendency to keep in touch, but it's labeled as a bad thing, for the wrong reason. it's not the quality, it's the quantity.

    my take on it:

    in our society and with increasing globalization of... the globe... there are just too many damn people we've convinced ourselves we need to care about and keep in touch with.

    I end up feeling guilty about not following through with things like that.
    but more and more i've been able to express to those i hold close that not responding immediately or at all via phone, email, facebook, what have you means nothing in comparison to denying someone a response face to face. you know, in real life?

    i think this works as an example of what i'm trying to convey about our current culture:
    i was intentionally ignored / silent-treatmented by an acquaintance (a classmate i was becoming better friends with) after misplacing my phone and not receiving any calls+messages/texts for a day or two. reunited with my phone i attempted to call/text her and... nope. so a few days later in class i gave her the rundown and told her that was stupid (she said she thought i had some reason to hate her and that was why i hadn't responded) and i told her if i felt that way she could be sure to find out in a much more straightforward manner.

    so in regards to
    Quote Originally Posted by beyondaurora View Post
    I actually did this just two days ago. I wrote to my old best friend, and I see that she called me, but I haven't listened to her message nor called her back.
    i'm in the process of doing this right now.

    an oooold friend posted 'hi friend' on my facebook wall.... 4 days ago?
    i think i'm semi-paranoid about responding because it might get me involved with meeting up for lunch or some sort of having to schedule something
    but also maybe because i feel i should say something meaningful back to her? i mean i don't really know what her intentions are by initiating the dialogue.

    can i just say 'hi' back? will she be offended? would that give her a chance to make a less ambiguous response?
    should i stop thinking about it and just write something???
    oh, i have to go to work --> forget about it for a week or so. remember again and feel guilty but still think of nothing to reply with.

    uhhhhhhh yeah...
    AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh....
    Last edited by jaku; 01-14-2009 at 03:03 AM. Reason: i was stupid. again.
    So you were born, and that is a good day.
    And someday you'll die and what a shame.
    But somewhere in the between, theres a life in which we all dream,
    And nothing and no one will ever take that away.

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