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  1. #11
    Member Nat's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by antireconciler View Post
    There might be more to likeness than overt personality ... do you avoid this person because you would feel awkward before him or because you find him distasteful?
    I would never avoid someone simply because I didn't like them... I avoid him because I start feeling stressed/on edge and I'm pretty sure it shows.

  2. #12
    Senior Member Chris_in_Orbit's Avatar
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    The eye thing rarely happens; only twice for me.
    One was with a female and one with a male. Two totally different reactions on my part.

    With the girl I would stare back for a long time. I didn't understand the connection and I think I may have come off a little intimidating. We ended up being pretty good friends and I was usually never the brash sarcastic guy that I usually am around her... I mean she had me opening doors for her and stuff...yeah...it was weird. Felt like I always needed to be on my best behavior, never understood why.

    The guy was different. He was staring at me and when I made eye contact I lost my breath and looked away really quickly. Pretty embarassing. I had to avoid the guy cuz I felt pretty vulnerable. That NEVER happens to me. I think he was an ESFP, definitely an extravert.

    Hm, still don't know why either of these things happened... Chemistry i guess.

  3. #13
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    Quote Originally Posted by antireconciler View Post
    Hmm. Maybe it comes in degrees? I experienced it kind of like a lock. I felt captivated. "Don't look away!" ... but it's intense enough in a fraction of a second that I did so anyway. I was scared! It kind of shook me up although I pretended that nothing had happened. I was kind of embarrassing! Like I'd revealed myself.
    I've had this experience myself a couple of times. The last time was with a guy that I thought had been eyeing me out for months. Never looked him back though. Yeah, I'm a prude So, I decided to test him with my "piercing gaze" as he walked past me. Definitely had this "captivating lock". I kept reminding myself not to look away to find out what he would do. I kept my cool but HE flinched a bit. Oh sweet revenge. But he still stared right back at me as he walked past me. I wasn't scared or anything. Quite frankly, I felt victorious! And a bit disappointed at the time because I thought it would be more intense. What is weird though, I was listening to music from my i-Pod at the time and "Alive" by P.O.D. came on a few seconds after the "gaze". Oh boy, now that was a real rush - "I feel so alive/For the very first time" - a part in the lyrics. A kind of delay or something.

    I know he's an INTP for sure. Just wondering, if he felt the same "embarrassment" as you did. We've both been pretending that nothing happened ever since. Well, I've been pretending Maybe he's just been his usual self and kind of freaked out by some delusional weirdo. Oh, but it's been tearing me up inside for ages now.

  4. #14
    The Memes Justify the End EcK's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sky is BLUE! View Post
    I've had this experience myself a couple of times. The last time was with a guy that I thought had been eyeing me out for months. Never looked him back though. Yeah, I'm a prude So, I decided to test him with my "piercing gaze" as he walked past me. Definitely had this "captivating lock". I kept reminding myself not to look away to find out what he would do. I kept my cool but HE flinched a bit. Oh sweet revenge. But he still stared right back at me as he walked past me. I wasn't scared or anything. Quite frankly, I felt victorious! And a bit disappointed at the time because I thought it would be more intense. What is weird though, I was listening to music from my i-Pod at the time and "Alive" by P.O.D. came on a few seconds after the "gaze". Oh boy, now that was a real rush - "I feel so alive/For the very first time" - a part in the lyrics. A kind of delay or something.

    I know he's an INTP for sure. Just wondering, if he felt the same "embarrassment" as you did. We've both been pretending that nothing happened ever since. Well, I've been pretending Maybe he's just been his usual self and kind of freaked out by some delusional weirdo. Oh, but it's been tearing me up inside for ages now.
    Intps are wierd
    entps are waay cooler
    Expression of the post modern paradox : "For the love of god, religions are so full of shit"

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    ... In theory.

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  5. #15
    it's a nuclear device antireconciler's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sky is BLUE! View Post
    I've had this experience myself a couple of times. The last time was with a guy that I thought had been eyeing me out for months. Never looked him back though. Yeah, I'm a prude So, I decided to test him with my "piercing gaze" as he walked past me. Definitely had this "captivating lock". I kept reminding myself not to look away to find out what he would do. I kept my cool but HE flinched a bit. Oh sweet revenge. But he still stared right back at me as he walked past me. I wasn't scared or anything. Quite frankly, I felt victorious! And a bit disappointed at the time because I thought it would be more intense. What is weird though, I was listening to music from my i-Pod at the time and "Alive" by P.O.D. came on a few seconds after the "gaze". Oh boy, now that was a real rush - "I feel so alive/For the very first time" - a part in the lyrics. A kind of delay or something.

    I know he's an INTP for sure. Just wondering, if he felt the same "embarrassment" as you did. We've both been pretending that nothing happened ever since. Well, I've been pretending Maybe he's just been his usual self and kind of freaked out by some delusional weirdo. Oh, but it's been tearing me up inside for ages now.
    I was going to say last time that I think there is very much an element of competition to it, like you experienced. I mean, it's hard to get the experience off the ground if you aren't competing with that person somehow, don't you think?

    Sky is BLUE! you may very well have shown him his place, that he should experience subsequent encounters with you as submissivite, while you, on the other hand, could play hard to get if you wanted because you took the upper hand. I've been caught up in exactly these dynamics more than once with someone.

    I would say, though, emphatically, that competing with would/could-be mates is a long path to happiness!! You know, it's prideful. Why not smile? Why not create a freer air between you two? Why not approach others on a level of equality? You may have won much less than you might think.
    ~ a n t i r e c o n c i l e r
    What is death, dies.
    What is life, lives.

  6. #16
    The High Priestess Amargith's Avatar
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    Done 'em, love 'em and actively seek 'em out
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  7. #17
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sky is BLUE! View Post
    "Alive" by P.O.D. came on a few seconds after the "gaze". Oh boy, now that was a real rush - "I feel so alive/For the very first time" - a part in the lyrics.
    Christian rock, yay : \

  8. #18
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    Quote Originally Posted by antireconciler View Post
    I was going to say last time that I think there is very much an element of competition to it, like you experienced. I mean, it's hard to get the experience off the ground if you aren't competing with that person somehow, don't you think?

    Sky is BLUE! you may very well have shown him his place, that he should experience subsequent encounters with you as submissivite, while you, on the other hand, could play hard to get if you wanted because you took the upper hand. I've been caught up in exactly these dynamics more than once with someone.

    I would say, though, emphatically, that competing with would/could-be mates is a long path to happiness!! You know, it's prideful. Why not smile? Why not create a freer air between you two? Why not approach others on a level of equality? You may have won much less than you might think.

    I am actually aware of the competition element. My feelings for this guy are just too mixed that I'm constantly doing things I don't even like. I'm not being myself around him. It is as if I'm trying to prove him something. It is frustrating. But I guess unrequited love is that way. A battle I guess I'm just afraid to be rejected and also that something might evolve from this. Hello commitment-phobic And I don't think I won anything significant from this gazing competition. I just wanted to pass the ball to him. But he took it and ran away with it

  9. #19
    it's a nuclear device antireconciler's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sky is BLUE! View Post
    My feelings for this guy are just too mixed that I'm constantly doing things I don't even like. I'm not being myself around him. It is as if I'm trying to prove him something. It is frustrating. But I guess unrequited love is that way. A battle I guess I'm just afraid to be rejected and also that something might evolve from this. Hello commitment-phobic And I don't think I won anything significant from this gazing competition. I just wanted to pass the ball to him. But he took it and ran away with it
    I'm so much the same. I think what it amounts to is that, you know, love is something perhaps uncontrollable, so I can become afraid of being dominated by it. If you reflect on the feeling of that, it feels a lot the same as the prospect of death. Hey, I don't want to die! Yet, also, I want to love, so there's a kind of dilemma. In the short term, it seems like the only way to both get closer to someone and yet not be dominated by something so uncontrollable and untamed as love, is to get closer, and yet retain control of the distance between myself and this other person. The ONLY way this is possible is through, in some sense, however strong or mild, dominating the object of love, the other person. Otherwise, I could not control the distance between us, but would be subjected to the will of the other.

    That maybe seems implausible prima facie, but that's all things like showing off or putting on a show or trying to prove yourself really are. They appear to ourselves as an innocuous wish to not be rejected, but at the same time, they are methods for control, however subtle.

    Hey, I'm not immune to it, but maybe if we see what things mean, we can have more control over our fates instead of feeling controlled by it like puppets. That's what I hope for at least.
    ~ a n t i r e c o n c i l e r
    What is death, dies.
    What is life, lives.

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