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  1. #1
    Senior Member surgery's Avatar
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    Default INF Relationships

    Just out of curiosity, I would like to ask what INF- types feel they bring to their romantic relationships. In other words, what qualities (general INF qualities, but individual characteristics are welcome too) do you suspect initially attracted a partner, as well as why he or she would actively seek (or have sought) to continue that relationship.

    Of course, I encourage those of other types who have had romantic relationships with an INF- person to post their perspectives on similar questions. What attracted you to the INF in the first place. What has made your relationship successful, or why didn't it work out?

  2. #2
    Senior Member Tiltyred's Avatar
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    Two compliments I've received this month (from two different exes):
    You always were a rare combination of intelligence and allure.
    You are a peculiar and fascinating woman.

    So -- I've got the mysterious thing, and a great rack. I'm also loyal, patient, and loving.

    My relationships don't work out because my partners feel rejected by my need for alone time, and if I don't get it (and enough quiet), I'm cranky and short-tempered and end up pushing them away. I'm impossible to live with.

  3. #3
    Senior Member quietmusician's Avatar
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    Wow. Not a lot of INFx relationships going on, huh? I don't know a lot about relationships, having been in a couple of very brief ones. But I think I bring my devotion to the table. My ability to understand a person seems to be key, from their point of view. I have never and would never dream of cheating. The only thing I believe is holding me back is the fact that I can't seem to commit. It doesn't scare me, I just never feel "right" in relationships in general because I prefer being alone. When I start to feel uneasy I back out, taking my feelings with me. I think that's because I know what to expect of myself and when others come into the picture I freeze up because of not knowing their expectations of me. So if I'm doomed to be a lone wolf, so be it.

  4. #4
    Senior Member placebo's Avatar
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    I'm interesting, a little more different from the rest--and they're pulled in by that. That's how the relationship might start.

    How it ends is when they realise how high maintenance I am. something like that

  5. #5
    homo-loving sonovagun anii's Avatar
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    I'm an INF who has been with an INF for the past 13 years. We are currently separated but still see each other at least once a week.

    We met online. Which is - or was - one of the best ways for INs in general to meet. We would spend hours communicating online and it never got boring. We got to know each other from the inside out, and we didn't wait so long to meet IRL (6 months) that one of us would've been hurt too much if it hadn't worked out.

    What drew us together was patience, honesty, shared imaginative play (and a mutual value of same), and a desire and willingness to be emotionally intimate with one another. There are other things, but that's all I can think of at the moment.
    There's reason to be afraid, and reason to open your heart. ~ Seal

    Refreshment for your ears: www.kexp.org

  6. #6
    Member Dash's Avatar
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    What draws other people to me (from what I've seen) is my EXTREME emotional/psychological awareness of the other person. You could attribute it to my Ni-Fe combination, but most INF(J)s seem to have it to a lesser degree...not to sound like a jerk lol. It's why I have a harder time not attracting people than it is for me to attract them.

    When I'm in 'real' relationships though, one of the biggest things I bring to the table is empathy/attention. The day you see me blow you off/ignore you is the day the sun goes black. In this way, I'm not like most Introverts in relationships. I'm very "forward" with my affection & want to spend lots of time with the person.

    Aside from that...I'm cool-headed (with firey passion lol), non-traditional, eager to be a Dad, I know martial arts, and health conscious (gluten/dairy free diet...no fast food...etc) =). Don't think all INFs are like me though. I'm weird in that way @_@.

    Damn I need a girlfriend lol.
    I don't have a picture up so...here's my youtube with me doing all sorts of crazy martial arts flips and kicks....=D.

    http://www.youtube.com/dashblades

  7. #7
    RETIRED CzeCze's Avatar
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    Ooh, ooh! Me! Me! I wanna participate in this discussion, too!

    Having dated a couple INFP's ("confirmed" through online testing), or okay, 1 INFP and 1 INXP (so many of you INXP's running around! lol) here's my 3 cents about the ones I've known:

    The good: Affectionate, loving, generous, want to take care of you, want to listen, nesters, relationship people, want to be upstanding people, quirky/odd, multi-layered, enjoy mutually peeling back the layers and discovering one another

    The bad: Tendency towards (over) sensitivity and pessimism. I will NEVER again date an INFP with low self-confidence. It's a mess. Hold things in and then blow up or comes out in dramatic ways, have huge blind spots about their own behavior, act like victims or defensive about how their own actions contribute to their situations. Not nearly as good at reading people as they think -- a lot of hubris in this area. Bad with boundaries -- very bad. So focused on fulfilling their own ego desire to be a "good person" that they mislead people or allow dysfunctional unhealthy dynamics in personal relationships to develop and continue.

    I'm sure (and I sure hope!) this is not normal for INFPs and I just got a bad lot of them - the young ones, the ones going through 'rough patches'. Regardless, I do not want to date any more INFPs since the pattern developing is I end up hating resenting them. Yes, I know this has as much to do with me (and why I choose such people) as them.

    For me, the attractive package never meets expectations. I also realize that I need a fundamentally independent person -- I think I was and am too independent for the INFPs I've dated. I don't want to date someone who I know clings to attachments or hates being lonely or stays with people out of a sense of obligation or martyrdom or self-punishment. Don't want that at all. I also don't want someone hanging onto me after the ship has sunk and I've hopped onto the individual life raft. I want you to be with me because you want to be with me and I want you to let me go when I ask you to.

    Not saying all INFPs are like that at all, but the 2 I dated? Yes.
    “If you want to tell people the truth, make them laugh, otherwise they'll kill you.” ― Oscar Wilde

    "I'm outtie 5000" ― Romulux

    Johari/Nohari

  8. #8
    Senior Member fleurdujour's Avatar
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    My husband told me (and past boyfriends I've had said this as well) that he was (and the others were) most drawn (disregarding physical attraction) to my down-to-earth qualities, the fact that he/they could talk about anything with me, the mysteriousness about me, and the fact that he/they immediately felt really comfortable around me.

  9. #9
    12 and a half weeks BerberElla's Avatar
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    Really I have no idea, the same qualities I was told attracted them to me, were also used as the reason we split up.

    why I like you:

    You're fun, outgoing, funny, you don't take life seriously, you make me feel good about myself, you're not clingy like other girls, I like the fact you're not a jealous person.


    Why I hate you:

    You're all about fun, you're too outgoing, why don't you ever stop making jokes and take life seriously for once, why aren't you clingy like other girls, if you truly loved me you would be jealous.

    So mostly I am just baffled.
    Echo - "So are you trying to say she is Evil"

    DeWitt - "Something far worse, she's an Idealist"

    Berb's Johari Berb's Nohari

  10. #10
    Senior Member helen's Avatar
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    My boyfriend says he was attracted to me (amongst other things) because he likes talking to me, thinks I'm an easy person to talk to, admires my character, and thinks I'm smart.
    Heh, not trying to brag, he said it, not me, and y'all asked. :P
    "There ain't no doubt in no one's mind that love's the finest thing around. Whisper something soft and kind." --James Taylor

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