• You are currently viewing our forum as a guest, which gives you limited access to view most discussions and access our other features. By joining our free community, you will have access to additional post topics, communicate privately with other members (PM), view blogs, respond to polls, upload content, and access many other special features. Registration is fast, simple and absolutely free, so please join our community today! Just click here to register. You should turn your Ad Blocker off for this site or certain features may not work properly. If you have any problems with the registration process or your account login, please contact us by clicking here.

[NF] INF Relationships

surgery

New member
Joined
Sep 28, 2007
Messages
257
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
Four
Just out of curiosity, I would like to ask what INF- types feel they bring to their romantic relationships. In other words, what qualities (general INF qualities, but individual characteristics are welcome too) do you suspect initially attracted a partner, as well as why he or she would actively seek (or have sought) to continue that relationship.

Of course, I encourage those of other types who have had romantic relationships with an INF- person to post their perspectives on similar questions. What attracted you to the INF in the first place. What has made your relationship successful, or why didn't it work out?
 

Tiltyred

New member
Joined
Dec 1, 2008
Messages
4,322
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
468
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
Two compliments I've received this month (from two different exes):
You always were a rare combination of intelligence and allure.
You are a peculiar and fascinating woman.

So -- I've got the mysterious thing, and a great rack. I'm also loyal, patient, and loving.

My relationships don't work out because my partners feel rejected by my need for alone time, and if I don't get it (and enough quiet), I'm cranky and short-tempered and end up pushing them away. I'm impossible to live with.
 

quietmusician

New member
Joined
Nov 29, 2008
Messages
320
MBTI Type
INFJ
Enneagram
4
Wow. Not a lot of INFx relationships going on, huh? I don't know a lot about relationships, having been in a couple of very brief ones. But I think I bring my devotion to the table. My ability to understand a person seems to be key, from their point of view. I have never and would never dream of cheating. The only thing I believe is holding me back is the fact that I can't seem to commit. It doesn't scare me, I just never feel "right" in relationships in general because I prefer being alone. When I start to feel uneasy I back out, taking my feelings with me. I think that's because I know what to expect of myself and when others come into the picture I freeze up because of not knowing their expectations of me. So if I'm doomed to be a lone wolf, so be it.
 

placebo

New member
Joined
May 11, 2008
Messages
492
MBTI Type
INFP
I'm interesting, a little more different from the rest--and they're pulled in by that. That's how the relationship might start.

How it ends is when they realise how high maintenance I am. :) something like that
 

anii

homo-loving sonovagun
Joined
Jul 9, 2007
Messages
901
MBTI Type
infp
Enneagram
9
I'm an INF who has been with an INF for the past 13 years. We are currently separated but still see each other at least once a week.

We met online. Which is - or was - one of the best ways for INs in general to meet. We would spend hours communicating online and it never got boring. We got to know each other from the inside out, and we didn't wait so long to meet IRL (6 months) that one of us would've been hurt too much if it hadn't worked out.

What drew us together was patience, honesty, shared imaginative play (and a mutual value of same), and a desire and willingness to be emotionally intimate with one another. There are other things, but that's all I can think of at the moment.
 

Dash

New member
Joined
Nov 14, 2008
Messages
31
MBTI Type
INFJ
What draws other people to me (from what I've seen) is my EXTREME emotional/psychological awareness of the other person. You could attribute it to my Ni-Fe combination, but most INF(J)s seem to have it to a lesser degree...not to sound like a jerk lol. It's why I have a harder time not attracting people than it is for me to attract them.

When I'm in 'real' relationships though, one of the biggest things I bring to the table is empathy/attention. The day you see me blow you off/ignore you is the day the sun goes black. In this way, I'm not like most Introverts in relationships. I'm very "forward" with my affection & want to spend lots of time with the person.

Aside from that...I'm cool-headed (with firey passion lol), non-traditional, eager to be a Dad, I know martial arts, and health conscious (gluten/dairy free diet...no fast food...etc) =). Don't think all INFs are like me though. I'm weird in that way @_@.

Damn I need a girlfriend lol.
 

CzeCze

RETIRED
Joined
Sep 11, 2007
Messages
8,975
MBTI Type
GONE
Ooh, ooh! Me! Me! I wanna participate in this discussion, too! :D

Having dated a couple INFP's ("confirmed" through online testing), or okay, 1 INFP and 1 INXP (so many of you INXP's running around! lol) here's my 3 cents about the ones I've known:

The good: Affectionate, loving, generous, want to take care of you, want to listen, nesters, relationship people, want to be upstanding people, quirky/odd, multi-layered, enjoy mutually peeling back the layers and discovering one another

The bad: Tendency towards (over) sensitivity and pessimism. I will NEVER again date an INFP with low self-confidence. It's a mess. Hold things in and then blow up or comes out in dramatic ways, have huge blind spots about their own behavior, act like victims or defensive about how their own actions contribute to their situations. Not nearly as good at reading people as they think -- a lot of hubris in this area. Bad with boundaries -- very bad. So focused on fulfilling their own ego desire to be a "good person" that they mislead people or allow dysfunctional unhealthy dynamics in personal relationships to develop and continue.

I'm sure (and I sure hope!) this is not normal for INFPs and I just got a bad lot of them - the young ones, the ones going through 'rough patches'. Regardless, I do not want to date any more INFPs since the pattern developing is I end up hating resenting them. Yes, I know this has as much to do with me (and why I choose such people) as them.

For me, the attractive package never meets expectations. I also realize that I need a fundamentally independent person -- I think I was and am too independent for the INFPs I've dated. I don't want to date someone who I know clings to attachments or hates being lonely or stays with people out of a sense of obligation or martyrdom or self-punishment. Don't want that at all. I also don't want someone hanging onto me after the ship has sunk and I've hopped onto the individual life raft. I want you to be with me because you want to be with me and I want you to let me go when I ask you to.

Not saying all INFPs are like that at all, but the 2 I dated? Yes.
 

fleurdujour

New member
Joined
Dec 9, 2008
Messages
109
MBTI Type
INFJ
My husband told me (and past boyfriends I've had said this as well) that he was (and the others were) most drawn (disregarding physical attraction) to my down-to-earth qualities, the fact that he/they could talk about anything with me, the mysteriousness about me, and the fact that he/they immediately felt really comfortable around me.
 

BerberElla

12 and a half weeks
Joined
Sep 25, 2008
Messages
2,725
MBTI Type
infp
Really I have no idea, the same qualities I was told attracted them to me, were also used as the reason we split up.

why I like you:

You're fun, outgoing, funny, you don't take life seriously, you make me feel good about myself, you're not clingy like other girls, I like the fact you're not a jealous person.


Why I hate you:

You're all about fun, you're too outgoing, why don't you ever stop making jokes and take life seriously for once, why aren't you clingy like other girls, if you truly loved me you would be jealous.

So mostly I am just baffled.
 

helen

New member
Joined
Nov 20, 2007
Messages
241
MBTI Type
INFJ
My boyfriend says he was attracted to me (amongst other things) because he likes talking to me, thinks I'm an easy person to talk to, admires my character, and thinks I'm smart.
Heh, not trying to brag, he said it, not me, and y'all asked. :p
 

Nonsensical

New member
Joined
Aug 2, 2008
Messages
4,006
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
7
Never been in a relationship before, but when I do, I think I'd feel most comfortable with another INFP..I just know it's what I need. I don't need the strength, the courage, or any of that..I need a pure second half..that can feel as I do. I need some understanding from another human being. This is a very deep subject for me, because my life isn't based around philosophies..isn't based on being intellectually aware, or any of that..I'm soully here to find deep love, spread it, and be on my way.
 

antireconciler

it's a nuclear device
Joined
Apr 29, 2007
Messages
866
MBTI Type
Intj
Enneagram
5w4
Instinctual Variant
so
Hmm. INF's experience the world very similar to the way I have, so they're naturally easy and enjoyable to be with.

You should question specific characteristics in your mind which you think make someone or yourself attractive, because often, those characteristics are only so attractive because of their mediate relation to something more fundamental, which probably transcends typology. Typology the basis for shared meaning, in the same way language and art is for a people, but the content of the meaning in FORM is fundamentally human.

So, if you want to know what is attractive about an INF, you could read a description of an INF in a typology series, and say "THAT is what is attractive about an INF-type. The loving aspects, because I recognize them for what they are, and love them, and the fear-based aspects, because I recognize them too for what they are, and can thus help heal them, because I recognize what I love even through this fearful haze."
 

runvardh

にゃん
Joined
Jun 23, 2007
Messages
8,541
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
6w7
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
We need a matchmaking area of the site. Sortable by geographic locale and age / sex / type, etc. Make it so.

Ask one of the mods, see if they'll alow it. Or start a poll first to see if there is enough interest, then bug them.
 

milti girl

New member
Joined
Sep 5, 2008
Messages
77
MBTI Type
INFP
Unfortunately, I'm quite flaky in relationships. I have this ideal of a perfect relationship in my head, which only the perfect guy will be able to have with me. So even though I'm with an awesome INxP (oh, all right, a boyfriend who claims he is INFP but I think has T) I often have small crushes on other less attainable guys (not serious ones) which luckily my NP boyfriend has no problem with. I still fell that the first time I had a crush was the best kind of 'love' I felt, and that that particular boy was, and might still be, someone I would want to be with. Much to my boyfriend's disgust, I have fallen for creeps in the past. Creeps. Guys who swept me away with compliments (I knew I was being swept away but didn't care), dated me behind their real girlfriend's backs (good grief, now I realise how horrible it sounds) and basically liked them to pander to my ego...okay, I think I'd better stop.

At the end of the day, however, I'm with a guy I really respect, who makes me laugh, is intelligent, understanding, and really loves me. And I have enough sense to realise this is the real thing, and though he isn't in the least bit demonstrative, mysterious, or spontaneous and doesn't always make my heart flutter, maybe he doesn't need to, because he and I really have a great friendship which has developed into something special.
 

IrishStallion819

New member
Joined
Jun 19, 2008
Messages
219
MBTI Type
INFJ
We need a matchmaking area of the site. Sortable by geographic locale and age / sex / type, etc. Make it so.

That is a brilliant Idea on your part.. Maybe we should make a designated category on the boards called "MatchMaking".. Muahahahahah oh the possibilities are thick...
 

cascadeco

New member
Joined
Oct 7, 2007
Messages
9,083
MBTI Type
INFJ
Enneagram
9w1
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
Just out of curiosity, I would like to ask what INF- types feel they bring to their romantic relationships. In other words, what qualities (general INF qualities, but individual characteristics are welcome too) do you suspect initially attracted a partner, as well as why he or she would actively seek (or have sought) to continue that relationship.


You know, this is probably going to sound lame or something, but several years ago I probably could have mentioned a handful of characteristics that I felt were desirable and attractive to partners, but I find myself not really able to answer tonight, as I haven't ever been in a successful longterm relationship, and given that fact, I'm not sure my past experiences are good ones to use as a means to figure out what attracted the other to me. So I honestly don't know.

I can tell you what I like about myself, and what positive traits I think I have and would bring to the table, but I don't know that that would say a whole lot, as it would perhaps be more individual characteristics, rather than strictly a type thing.

I'm just hopeful some day I do meet someone who is drawn to me, and vice versa.
 

Udog

Seriously Delirious
Joined
Aug 2, 2008
Messages
5,290
MBTI Type
INfp
Enneagram
9w1
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
I bring the bean dip, but only if my partner brings the chips.
 

iwakar

crush the fences
Joined
May 2, 2007
Messages
4,877
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
We need a matchmaking area of the site. Sortable by geographic locale and age / sex / type, etc. Make it so.

You know, I think you're on to something sir. /seconded

:tips hat:




:cough: For a change. :devilish cackle:
 
Top