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[MBTI General] Idealist Thoughts on INTP Romance

Priori

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Nov 7, 2008
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100
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INTP
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5w6
I do not think of myself as a victim, the angst was partly to get the point across to the feeler in her/his language and part sympathizing with the INTP’s feelings s/he was speaking too.

I used to see myself going in the wrong direction. I was trying to go in the same direction as everyone else. I wanted to be normal. Now I see most other people going in the wrong direction. If that makes me arrogant in the eyes of some, so be it. I won't lose any sleep.


This sums up my feelings pretty accurately. However, if you want to be in a meaningful relationship you are going to have to compromise, and my intent was to point out to those people who are or were dissatisfied with their relationship with an INTP that he or she was probably trying harder to compromise than they know. It requires a lot of effort on our part just to see a little product.
 

LostInNerSpace

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INTP
I do not think of myself as a victim, the angst was partly to get the point across to the feeler in her/his language and part sympathizing with the INTP’s feelings s/he was speaking too.



This sums up my feelings pretty accurately. However, if you want to be in a meaningful relationship you are going to have to compromise, and my intent was to point out to those people who are or were dissatisfied with their relationship with an INTP that he or she was probably trying harder to compromise than they know. It requires a lot of effort on our part just to see a little product.

What was going to type something about how I am Mr. Compromise, and then I saw this: :moonwalk: Sum's it up very nicely, I think.
 

cafe

Well-known member
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Apr 19, 2007
Messages
9,827
MBTI Type
INFJ
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9w1
I am of the opinion that people who are unable to directly express their wishes have a problem with self-esteem and/or are manipulative and one shouldn't have to change one's self to accommodate that kind of unhealthiness.
If anyone can think of a valid reason why this is not the case, please explain.
My theory is that sometimes it's just a gender/nurture thing. For a lot of women, we are raised to be aware of subtle cues, anticipate needs, and I think we can even have a natural propensity for it, so it's hard to grasp that someone who loves us doesn't do it the same way we do, which is, in part, to observe our loved ones and anticipate their needs.

With a lot of people it works. I rarely had to ask my grandma for anything, for example. She knew I needed something and often knew what it was before I'd even considered asking for it. It made me feel loved and known. I go out of my way to anticipate the needs of my husband and children. It's a way that I show love love and not doing so would be like tying my own hands.

The problem comes in when we can't get it out of our minds that others must love like we do. If a person can make a mental transfer from "If he really loved me, I wouldn't have to ask!" to "He loves me so much, I have only to ask!" It can work. If they can't . . . yeah.
 

Kaizer

sophiloist
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Messages
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Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
My theory is that sometimes it's just a gender/nurture thing. For a lot of women, we are raised to be aware of subtle cues, anticipate needs, and I think we can even have a natural propensity for it, so it's hard to grasp that someone who loves us doesn't do it the same way we do, which is, in part, to observe our loved ones and anticipate their needs.

With a lot of people it works. I rarely had to ask my grandma for anything, for example. She knew I needed something and often knew what it was before I'd even considered asking for it. It made me feel loved and known. I go out of my way to anticipate the needs of my husband and children. It's a way that I show love love and not doing so would be like tying my own hands.

The problem comes in when we can't get it out of our minds that others must love like we do. If a person can make a mental transfer from "If he really loved me, I wouldn't have to ask!" to "He loves me so much, I have only to ask!" It can work. If they can't . . . yeah.

yep, love em cause we want em for who they truly are and not 'love' em cause they 'fill a need' etc. .. & it can only be a two-way street
 

Salomé

meh
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Messages
10,527
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5w4
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sx/sp
I'm sure you are as familiar with the frustrations of living in a E,S, and J domintated world as I am Blue; I learned to accept and adapt to it years ago.
Dunno. I don't really get frustrated about being in the minority. I kind of like it.
Though sometimes I think life might be easier as almost any other type.
C'est la vie.
INTPs think, feel and perceive things 'backwards' when compared to the majority. Relationships require a herculean effort from us in order to pull off and other types might not likely to be aware of just how hard we are trying.
Yeah, but that's not really an excuse. If we fail we fail. We shouldn't be asking for special allowances here.
What do you mean we think/feel/perceive "backwards"?

Feeling sorry for yourself is a total waste of time and energy.
 

Salomé

meh
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My theory is that sometimes it's just a gender/nurture thing. For a lot of women, we are raised to be aware of subtle cues, anticipate needs, and I think we can even have a natural propensity for it, so it's hard to grasp that someone who loves us doesn't do it the same way we do, which is, in part, to observe our loved ones and anticipate their needs.

With a lot of people it works. I rarely had to ask my grandma for anything, for example. She knew I needed something and often knew what it was before I'd even considered asking for it. It made me feel loved and known. I go out of my way to anticipate the needs of my husband and children. It's a way that I show love love and not doing so would be like tying my own hands.

The problem comes in when we can't get it out of our minds that others must love like we do. If a person can make a mental transfer from "If he really loved me, I wouldn't have to ask!" to "He loves me so much, I have only to ask!" It can work. If they can't . . . yeah.
Good point.
So it's perceived as a lack of love if you can't mindread?
How is one supposed to navigate such a minefield of senselessness?
 

Nameless Hero

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Nov 11, 2010
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61
MBTI Type
INFP
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3w4
And I quote: "Also most intps have really wierd forum pictures (cough cough). Often related to some imaginary display of heroism, might, manliness or style." And I ask, whatever do you mean?
 

rav3n

.
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Aug 6, 2010
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This thread title is an oxymoron. INTP and romance don't belong together. :tongue:
 

INTP

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This thread title is an oxymoron. INTP and romance don't belong together. :tongue:

False. its just that intp and entj romance dont belong together :biggrin:
 

INTP

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Can't say I disagree although it still doesn't change the initial title oxymoron. ;)

wanna come over and debate about that in a candle light and with a bottle of red wine :smooch:
 

Kaizer

sophiloist
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Can't say I disagree although it still doesn't change the initial title oxymoron. ;)
interesting to see how ENTJs learn from INTPs when expressing themselves
 

INTP

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Don't expect me to hold your hair if you drink too much!

i would hold yours if you drink too much. and you say that intps arent romantic..
 

Siúil a Rúin

when the colors fade
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The INTP I love is possibly the clearest thinker I know. He also is compassionate. This is because he can comprehend the big picture and integrate different kinds of elements. There are others with this label who have a familiarity with "idea space" that is important to me.

Edit: for some reason I deleted my pansy cowboy expose', but was repped for it, so will try to put it back in.

Basically I love when people labeled as INTP think clearly and are reasonable, but there is also an overlap between people who identify as INTP (not limited to that MBTI label for sure) and what I like to call "pansy cowboy syndrome". I discovered this ailment while growing up in a Wild West town. It consists of people who think they are tough based on their rudeness and expectations for everyone around them to have to be tough. What is not realized is what a delicate little pansy the person actually is and that they certainly can't take what they dish out. An entire culture of bullies can be built up from it in some contexts like the one I grew up in. The secret pansy tough guy/girl becomes unbearable when the extra layer of "logic" is added on top.
 

Kaizer

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Just goes to prove that ENTJs can learn. :tongue:
most are likely to be learned for sure... tempering helps ergo learning^2
also def not the ones who are masquerading ESFPs
 
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