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  1. #331
    nee andante bechimo's Avatar
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    marm, one thing I learned about these guys is that they go into emotional overload pretty easily. If you hit them with a wall of emotion, they either turtle and nothing gets heard or they're defensive to the degree that it's like you're having two separate conversations.

    Sit down and discuss it calmly, ducks in row, in logical fashion. They're major boundary pushers but they're far from stupid.

  2. #332
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    Quote Originally Posted by Metaphor View Post
    marm, one thing I learned about these guys is that they go into emotional overload pretty easily. If you hit them with a wall of emotion, they either turtle and nothing gets heard or they're defensive to the degree that it's like you're having two separate conversations.

    Sit down and discuss it calmly, ducks in row, in logical fashion. They're major boundary pushers but they're far from stupid.
    Yeah I think I've learned this as well in my personal experiences with INTx men...wall of emotion makes them either run or get cold and/or pissy.

    I'm learning. I swear.

  3. #333
    Senior Member Fan.of.Devin's Avatar
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    ...I don't think his actions there can really be blamed on him being an INTP.

    If somebody pulled that shit on me, the relationship would basically end there and then simply for the fact they even considered a scenario like that as a possibility.

    Good fuckin' riddance.
    INTP 4w5 SX/SP
    Tritype 4/5/8

  4. #334
    i love skylights's Avatar
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    ooh interesting thread.

    +
    • intellectual*
    • like to talk about random things
    • slightly offbeat sense of humor
    • sweet, quirky sense of romance
    • really cute when caught off guard
    • perfectionistic
    • really dedicated when they love you
    • slightly oblivious to practical issues
    • stable and analytical


    -
    • pretty obnoxious when they think ("know") they're right
    • uninterested in you if you're being illogical (in their opinion)
    • "disappear" when there is an unpleasant task*
    • inattentive to others when they're hurt
    • slightly oblivious to practical issues
    • often see socializing as a chore
    • cynical


    * most and least appealing to me, respectively. i can talk to an INTP about theoretical things for hours and we "get" one another quickly. on the other hand, if they don't feel like doing something, no matter how necessary it is or how helpful it would be, sucks for you. all Ps are like this to a certain extent, but, in my experience, INTPs are the masters. and this is particularly unappealing for me personally because i am like that already i need someone who can help keep me on track.

  5. #335
    Senior Member Neutralpov's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by marmalade.sunrise View Post
    Ok this is what I observe about INTx in general.

    1) See cute rational awkward quiet boy who says really smart/funny things.

    2) Develop limerence.

    3) Flirt with cute rational awkward quiet boy who says really smart/funny things.

    4) Become very pleased that he is pleased by attention and recipricating. Yay! This might go somewhere!

    5) Suddenly notice that cute rational awkward quiet boy who says really smart/funny things is detatched/absent/forgets to call/forgets to write/is busy watching zombie movies, playing WoW or hanging out on 4Chan.

    6) Take normal INTx nature personally and become overly emotional and imagine that he doesn't like me anymore.

    7) INTx is frightened by what he sees as overreaction or irrational emotional outburst. Hides. This may lead to more emotional behavior.

    8) INTx decides is not worth the trouble/really doesn't like me anymore because he is afraid of emotional behavior.

    9) Lather. Rinse. Repeat. Cry. Date SFJs. Become annoyed. Want yet another elusive INTx.

    I had to spend a year and a half on this web site (on top of years lived previously having run-ins with INTx boys) to learn that all that was going on here is that I was taking the INTx nature personally and by emoting got exactly the OPPOSITE of the desired effect.

    *sighs*

    I hope that some day I meet the right INTx and decide this painful "research" was worth all the trouble.
    How did you know this! It is so true in my experience! bah wish I read it years ago. :steam:

    And ExAstrisSpes at this point can only control her behavior. I think she did good in stating what she will do. He isn't going to be controlled by her saying, "don't go on that trip" and I bet that consequences made him wake up.

  6. #336
    violaine
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    Quote Originally Posted by ExAstrisSpes View Post
    To go from: "I don't think we're long-term compatible" to "We are in a long-term, committed relationship" in the span of a few short weeks, followed by "Surprise! We haven't been together long enough to take vacations together; I'm going to go to <insert remote, exotic, foreign place> next month for two weeks alone with a woman who I know has designs on me and I suspect she would rather me dump you for her so we can have a romantic trip, by the way do you want to spend New Year's with my family?" doesn't sound like a particularly stable relationship to me.

    I trust him, but I did tell him if something happens on their trip I don't have a problem walking away from him. He looked particularly hurt by that, but it's not like he did anything to consider my feelings when he made the decision to go on the trip. I'm lucky he told me before he actually left.
    Eek. What is the nature of the trip and their relationship?

  7. #337
    Senior Member Neutralpov's Avatar
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    Pros
    • calming
    • witty
    • insightful
    • honest
    • can objectively see negatives/weakness in other person (which completes my only half view of positives and potential sometimes)
    • tough mentally
    • smart (well the ones I know)
    • I can be proud of them and their intelligence
    • the fact that they weren't smutty/viewed intimacy as for select close few
    • can be quiet and spend quality time with me
    • don't expect me to be a certain way
    • clear-cut/simple no games
    • internal or centered vibe (as opposed to my external focus)
    • know themselves
    • is that enough? the one I knew was sx variant and I like that, helped me tone down my social variant and have depth in my life
      • meaningful conversation
      • they appreciate my strengths - Counseling masters and they love when I show it off (in a good way) and kinda awe my emotional and mental illness smarts (most people do NOT want to hear counseling talk or be told the truth when they run into me and go, hey I have a quick question about my crazy aunt...)


    Cons:
    • passivity
    • obliviousness to emotions relational expectations from all previous relationships (just felt like I kept hitting potholes in a road where other guys knew "what the rules were" not type specific)
    • hide away at inconvenient times
    • don't speak up until something is a real problem when they should have imo b/c their feelings were hurt
    • some have 0 emotional availability and I avoid them!
    • hard to get to know and don't care that it is exhausting after a while
    • don't say I'm sorry or I was wrong when they need to!
    • the disappearing thing that Marm and Ex mentioned (reason I left one! dead on just didn't want it anymore)
    • sometimes arrogant/smug for no good reason
    • don't care how they come off socially which can seriously be embarrassing
    • too self-contained which hinders closeness and intimacy


    All in all chemistry is great with a good INTP that can have a softer side and speak-up. My thoughts are that they spark and have instant chemistry and attract me ( I also like glasses and the ones I knew had them hehe) for the male part but I think I need someone closer in type (or like really good F side) after dating a few and being friends with the girls ones is awesomeeeeeee!
    Last edited by Neutralpov; 12-10-2010 at 12:49 PM. Reason: spelling

  8. #338
    Senior Member ExAstrisSpes's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by violaine View Post
    Eek. What is the nature of the trip and their relationship?
    The nature of the trip is a two-week camping/backpacking trip. I'm under the impression they are going to rent a camper, and he's said that he's considering bringing a one-person tent just so that everything stays on the up-and-up. I get the impression she originally polled her friends to see if anyone would go with her, and my bf was the only person who responded.

    The woman is a friend of his sister's, and he said in the past there was a mutual attraction that was never followed up on. He's expressed that fidelity is important to him and that when he's in a relationship it's like a switch has been tripped and he's most definitely just going to be with that person he is with.

    I do trust him, but at the same time I kind of wonder why he didn't think to involve me in the trip-planning/decision-making process. Maybe he would have felt constrained in doing so, or that he didn't need to consult me on a trip that I wasn't invited or going on. I'm much more upset with him making the decision without my input than I am with him going on the trip.

    I also neglected to mention that New Year's is in Hawaii, which I've never been to yet. He is also spending Christmas with me and my family out-of-town as well. He's commented that us meeting each other's families and spending the holidays together is a "big step".

  9. #339
    violaine
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    Wow. Forgive me for saying but I would never be ok with that. It's lovely that you are so flexible and caring but I hope you don't get run over by this person. It's not a matter of trusting him, he's putting himself (and you) in a really precarious situation. i.e. How could you possibly feel safe in this situation?

    Did something ever happen between them, how do you know he hasn't been seeing her at the same time as you and this is the trip where he's going to break it off with her?

    I do know someone who might do something similar to this with no bad intention on his part because he felt sorry for the woman. But still. I hope he's calling you over those two weeks. Every night at least.

  10. #340
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    Aren't ENTJ's and you guys supposed to get along swimmingly?

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