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  1. #321
    Senior Member ExAstrisSpes's Avatar
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    The Good:
    He's very intelligent, and we can have long, meandering conversations. I really <3 listening to his theories. It took a little while to get him to let me in on his theories, though. I still don't think he gives me the whole story on quite a few of his theories. I feel sad that he thinks I'm just humoring him.
    He's generous and kind. When he's affectionate it's very pure and sweet. He always wants to ensure I'm enjoying myself when I'm with him.
    He's open-minded; he's very interested in learning new things and having new experiences. I really like that. If I don't understand something that he does, I feel comfortable to ask him and not be treated like an idiot.
    He's witty and funny, I'm always smiling and laughing when I'm with him.
    Our relationship is relatively low-drama. It's very stress-relieving for me to be around him.
    He doesn't demand me to be a certain way.
    When we're together, I feel like he's with me and involved with me 100%. I feel like we really are a team and we work well together.
    The few times when we've had conflicts, we've been able to work them out in a healthy way that is fair to both partners. I really love this about our relationship.
    He's very positive and encouraging; once I was working next to him on my laptop (he was playing Wii or watching a movie) and I messed something up and called myself an idiot or stupid. He turned to me and very pointedly said, "You're not stupid," which made me stop and realize what I was doing.

    The Bad:
    He rarely calls. Even when he's on vacation, he never calls. I've asked him several times (not nagging), that I would like to hear from him when we're apart. Maybe I haven't articulated to him why in a way that he understands. He has said this has been a problem for him in past relationships. If this is the worst thing I have to deal with in this relationship, I count myself very lucky.
    Related to the not-calling thing, I feel that when we are apart, I'm not on his mind at all. Or rather, my thoughts, emotions, etc. don't matter. It's like he's literally taking the phrase "it's better to ask forgiveness than to ask for permission". I'm very easy going, and yet I feel like he makes decisions like these because he thinks I'm going to overreact when he brings them up so he waits until it's past time for me to have any sort of input or comment on whatever decision it is. Because of this, I feel like I don't matter to him all that much and that my feelings aren't important to him. I do try to explain why his behavior was hurtful and he apologizes and says that he can see my point-of-view (or that his behavior wasn't fair to me), but I don't really see his behavior changing on this point. I don't think he is malicious or goes out with the intent of hurting me, but at some point he realizes his behavior is hurtful. It's like he doesn't realize he's in a relationship unless he's physically with me. Maybe he doesn't want to be in one with me?
    Because of his P, his behavior can sometimes be really puzzling to me. Even though we have a good relationship, and I think we manage conflicts just fine, I never quite get to the place where I feel our relationship is very secure. I hope this will change with time. He's said off-hand that we are in a committed, long-term relationship, but I don't feel like we're solid. This might just be a P/J thing.

  2. #322
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    Quote Originally Posted by Spartacuss View Post
    I'm not so sure I just got a good one - from what I've observed getting a relationship started is the problem. We can be quite silly/intense romantics once we're over that hump... Provided we're not of the complete retard school of INTP.
    Ok this is what I observe about INTx in general.

    1) See cute rational awkward quiet boy who says really smart/funny things.

    2) Develop limerence.

    3) Flirt with cute rational awkward quiet boy who says really smart/funny things.

    4) Become very pleased that he is pleased by attention and recipricating. Yay! This might go somewhere!

    5) Suddenly notice that cute rational awkward quiet boy who says really smart/funny things is detatched/absent/forgets to call/forgets to write/is busy watching zombie movies, playing WoW or hanging out on 4Chan.

    6) Take normal INTx nature personally and become overly emotional and imagine that he doesn't like me anymore.

    7) INTx is frightened by what he sees as overreaction or irrational emotional outburst. Hides. This may lead to more emotional behavior.

    8) INTx decides is not worth the trouble/really doesn't like me anymore because he is afraid of emotional behavior.

    9) Lather. Rinse. Repeat. Cry. Date SFJs. Become annoyed. Want yet another elusive INTx.

    I had to spend a year and a half on this web site (on top of years lived previously having run-ins with INTx boys) to learn that all that was going on here is that I was taking the INTx nature personally and by emoting got exactly the OPPOSITE of the desired effect.

    *sighs*

    I hope that some day I meet the right INTx and decide this painful "research" was worth all the trouble.

    Oh, and P.S. acting like a PUA is not sexy. I do not recommend this method to clueless INTPs. It comes off as annoying and does nothing to inspire trust. Who falls for this shit? SFP women?

    No offense to SFP women. Just sayin'. It must work on someone, I just doubt even 1% of those women are NF or NT.

  3. #323
    Senior Member Fan.of.Devin's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Annwn View Post
    Basically I love when people labeled as INTP think clearly and are reasonable, but there is also an overlap between people who identify as INTP (not limited to that MBTI label for sure) and what I like to call "pansy cowboy syndrome". I discovered this ailment while growing up in a Wild West town. It consists of people who think they are tough based on their rudeness and expectations for everyone around them to have to be tough. What is not realized is what a delicate little pansy the person actually is and that they certainly can't take what they dish out. An entire culture of bullies can be built up from it in some contexts like the one I grew up in. The secret pansy tough guy/girl becomes unbearable when the extra layer of "logic" is added on top.
    I had to deal with a lot of buttholes of this caliber in metals class...
    Really harshed my TIG welding buzz.

    They were the Northern Midwest variant, though... So, basically farm kids that thought driving around in big trucks with confederate flags on them was the coolest thing ever. They were assholes to everyone, with a constant "more manly than thou" attitude. I suspect the obsession with big trucks was some sort of penis size insecurity thing or something.
    When isolated from their gang of meatheaded greasymonkey idiots, though, they become incredibly vulnerable. Funny shit; I think I scared one of them severely once.
    INTP 4w5 SX/SP
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  4. #324
    Senior Member INTP's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ExAstrisSpes View Post
    bla bla bla
    we need our Ti time.. its nothing personal if you arent on his mind 24/7, so you shouldnt feel bad about it. its just that there is no room for other people in Ti mode, but im sure you pop into his mind at times when you arent together. its just probably that his mind gets distracted by Ti stuff so easily when he is alone and he has to take that route in thinking, unless the alone alone time wont do much good when it comes to recharging, so he wont be thinking you like 3 hours straight, more like getting occasional wubbies from you and then continue with his Ti thing.

    This J not seeing P very secure partner is just an illusion from you reflecting self into his actions. like if you would do what he does, you would do it because of lack of want to commit or what ever, but his reasons arent the same as yours. another thing is that you see him generally as someone who changes his mind easily etc. so you assume that he is like this with everything, but it isnt like that, he might think your relationship as something he doesent want to change to a relationship with someone else. he wouldnt bother with that good stuff you listed if he really really wouldnt want to be with you.
    "Where wisdom reigns, there is no conflict between thinking and feeling."
    — C.G. Jung

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  5. #325
    Senior Member ExAstrisSpes's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by INTP View Post
    another thing is that you see him generally as someone who changes his mind easily etc. so you assume that he is like this with everything, but it isnt like that, he might think your relationship as something he doesent want to change to a relationship with someone else.
    To go from: "I don't think we're long-term compatible" to "We are in a long-term, committed relationship" in the span of a few short weeks, followed by "Surprise! We haven't been together long enough to take vacations together; I'm going to go to <insert remote, exotic, foreign place> next month for two weeks alone with a woman who I know has designs on me and I suspect she would rather me dump you for her so we can have a romantic trip, by the way do you want to spend New Year's with my family?" doesn't sound like a particularly stable relationship to me.

    I trust him, but I did tell him if something happens on their trip I don't have a problem walking away from him. He looked particularly hurt by that, but it's not like he did anything to consider my feelings when he made the decision to go on the trip. I'm lucky he told me before he actually left.

  6. #326
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    Quote Originally Posted by ExAstrisSpes View Post
    To go from: "I don't think we're long-term compatible" to "We are in a long-term, committed relationship" in the span of a few short weeks, followed by "Surprise! We haven't been together long enough to take vacations together; I'm going to go to <insert remote, exotic, foreign place> next month for two weeks alone with a woman who I know has designs on me and I suspect she would rather me dump you for her so we can have a romantic trip, by the way do you want to spend New Year's with my family?" doesn't sound like a particularly stable relationship to me.
    Ummm...that's really....weird.

  7. #327
    nee andante bechimo's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ExAstrisSpes View Post
    To go from: "I don't think we're long-term compatible" to "We are in a long-term, committed relationship" in the span of a few short weeks, followed by "Surprise! We haven't been together long enough to take vacations together; I'm going to go to <insert remote, exotic, foreign place> next month for two weeks alone with a woman who I know has designs on me and I suspect she would rather me dump you for her so we can have a romantic trip, by the way do you want to spend New Year's with my family?" doesn't sound like a particularly stable relationship to me.

    I trust him, but I did tell him if something happens on their trip I don't have a problem walking away from him. He looked particularly hurt by that, but it's not like he did anything to consider my feelings when he made the decision to go on the trip. I'm lucky he told me before he actually left.
    You've really put up with a lot. There's a serious lack of respect and consideration going on, INTP or not. Reconsider your stance.

  8. #328
    meh Salomé's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ExAstrisSpes View Post
    To go from: "I don't think we're long-term compatible" to "We are in a long-term, committed relationship" in the span of a few short weeks, followed by "Surprise! We haven't been together long enough to take vacations together; I'm going to go to <insert remote, exotic, foreign place> next month for two weeks alone with a woman who I know has designs on me and I suspect she would rather me dump you for her so we can have a romantic trip, by the way do you want to spend New Year's with my family?" doesn't sound like a particularly stable relationship to me.
    You are putting up with this, why, exactly? Because he tells you you're not stupid?

    Quote Originally Posted by Metaphor View Post
    This thread title is an oxymoron. INTP and romance don't belong together.
    This is true. When they try, it just comes out creepy.
    Quote Originally Posted by Ivy View Post
    Gosh, the world looks so small from up here on my high horse of menstruation.

  9. #329
    nee andante bechimo's Avatar
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    Fear of losing someone doesn't mean you should allow them to walk all over you. INTPs are pretty open to new experiences but sooner or later, you're going to have to assert yourself.

    And from my experience with INTPs, they won't pull this kind of stunt if they also fear loss.

  10. #330
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    I wouldn't put up with it at all. I mean I'm flabbergasted that you would.

    I'd throw a fit if my boyfriend said we were in a long-term committed relationship but he was jetting off to an exotic island for two weeks with another woman. I'd be like, "Are you retarded?"

    I'm just sayin.

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