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  1. #21
    Senior Member tibby's Avatar
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    I guess this is also a perfectionist thing. I try to make everything, and I mean every single thing, RIGHT, in my head. I need to put, arrange or act everything in a way it's "right". For example, I know I'm a perfectionist in the sense I so desperately want to be the "best" I could be - as a person, as a character, as an ethical creature. But then I see that I don't need justifications for people's actions, I don't need a reason, I understand everything in others - whether it's good or bad. The only thing that could make me resent someone is if they're doing something bad knowingly and purposely, and don't feel any regret. It's a matter of conscience then. But like I said, I feel very connected to the human nature - whether to the good or bad. This awareness makes me take a different angle towards myself - I require perfection of the higher nature of man from myself, but not from others, cause I know the "depths" of human nature.

    But then, as I try to put things RIGHT, I see that as a principle, it's hypocritical of me to have different requirements for me. Objectively, the rules should be the same for everybody.

    That was just one example of my "inner workings". I constantly re-value my values, well, not really re-value, but examine them, to make sure they're right. I also do this with my motives - sometimes even to a point where I can't justify a selfish act to myself and so can't act based on it.

    It's so burdening to have such high inner ideals that almost oblige you to be a perfect human being. I know it's not possible in a sense - but I KNOW what a perfect human being is, and I would feel WRONG not to pursue that, cause IT IS RIGHT, because I can realize it. I don't know if this makes any sense. I kind of feel responsible for everything and everybody, like I just "have to" save the world xD

    It's like carrying everything on your own shoulders, and as a doer, you know you can. It's just hard, even though that's the only way you can have satisfaction and feel some sort of pleasure. If I had to configurate myself as a prophet I'd be the one with sad eyes. Well not really sad, but serious!

  2. #22
    Senior Member mwv6r's Avatar
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    Toonia, I think I've experienced the same thing. Something that's helped me is that recently I read a book on personality type and personality disorders. Different personality types tend to gravitate toward particular personality disorders, though only about 10% of the population develops a full-blown disorder. I'm not sure what your type is, but I think that INFJs and perhaps some INFPs tend to gravitate toward avoidant personality disorder. It doesn't mean we have the full-blown disorder but we demonstrate some traits of the disorder to a certain extent. If I'm understanding you correctly what you're describing may be a characteristic of avoidant personalities in which we become insecure around larger groups of people, particularly people we don't know well. When I'm interacting with friends in my intimate circle I feel good about myself, but in larger groups with people I don't know well I begin to feel small and insecure and self-doubting. High school was terrible for me and college was only a little better, but now I'm able to be more selective about my peer group and it's made me more confident. You might also find it interesting to read about the different personality disorders because I find that often when someone leaves me feeling bad about myself or depleted, like the friend you described, they often have a personality disorder themselves (histrionic, narcissistic, etc.), and simply being able to recognize a disorder in others releases their grip on me and allows me to take any hurtful things they do or say with a grain of salt. Knowledge is power.

  3. #23
    Senior Member Kestrel's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Peguy View Post
    That's probably one reason why we're often compared to the Biblical prophets, who after all had to shoulder the burdens of the entire Israelite nation.

    I think even in Kaballah there's a concept that some people are destined to bear the burderns of others, in order to help purify and strengthen the world.
    This is perhaps a little bizarre, but I was actually named after one of them. That's not to say I've had much success in "purifying and strengthening the world", though.

    Still, I seem to have internal struggles off and on. I can't really explain why. I just feel like no matter how far I've come, I need to go further. No matter how much I know, I need to know more. And so on.

    I guess it can be a good thing sometimes. But it usually leads to me being unable to recognize my strengths because I'm so busy trying to reach my own unrealistic expectations.

    Perfectionism.
    I-44 N-88 F-62 J-67

    A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty. -Winston Churchill

  4. #24
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    Originally Posted by penelope
    Do other INFJs suffer so much as well? Have you learned any tricks to make it easier?
    The only sure-fire trick I've discovered in 29 years is a cocktail of anti-depressants and anti-anxiety drugs combined with prolonged periods of solitude followed immediately by gabfests with other NFs where I unload everything that has been building up since the last time we spoke.

  5. #25
    Senior Member penelope's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by eclare View Post
    The only sure-fire trick I've discovered in 29 years is a cocktail of anti-depressants and anti-anxiety drugs combined with prolonged periods of solitude followed immediately by gabfests with other NFs where I unload everything that has been building up since the last time we spoke.

    Haha, that sounds about right. :P

  6. #26
    Senior Member Kyrielle's Avatar
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    I have problems with depression and some anxiety. They both likely run in the family: depression from one side, anxiety from the other.

    Most of what "sets it off" comes from lack of confidence and self-esteem. I've had these issues since I was a kid, so I'll likely be trying to "detour" from those thinking patterns for the rest of my life. Oh well, one day I'll be the flamboyant person I am in my head, but until then...
    "I took the one less traveled by,
    And that has made all the difference."

    Robert Frost

  7. #27
    Badoom~ Skyward's Avatar
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    I definitely related to the 'solving the rubix cube' crisis. The way I seemto cope it to withdraw from the world which doesn't help any since later I feel like such a dumb!ss for being a slouch at the time.

    I also seem to have latched my self esteem on something as minor as my MBTI type. Even though I basically have narrowed it down to ENFP/INFJ (They have the same functions, just flipped) I always wonder and worry about other things, or if I'm being 'good enough' for a type code or whatever.

    Its stupid and it sucks that I cant pull from it easily.

    For me, depression is based on feeling useless. What's worse is that it is easily justified logically so it's hard to kick away to get stuff done.

    I feel a lot better when gabbing with people. Especially people who are very expressive so it feels like I'm affecting something with my oddball/gutterhead humor
    'Imperfection is beauty, madness is genius and its better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring.' - Marilyn Monroe

    This is who I am, escapist, paradise-seeker.
    -Nightwish

    Anthropology Major out of Hamline University. St. Paul, Minnesota.

  8. #28
    resonance entropie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by penelope View Post
    This has been driving me crazy lately. I actually got into MBTI to try to understand why I struggle so much internally, finding that the J is responsible for so much of it.

    I was writing in my journal last night over something that has been causing me to lose sleep for the past two weeks, and I quoted this:



    I find that to be incredibly true of me. I find that I'm constantly anxious, stressed, or losing sleep over struggling to answer the self-imposed questions I leave myself, trying to better understand my actions, feelings, and motives.

    It's been tormenting me so much lately, especially since I can't pinpoint the reason for my latest internal struggle. It makes me wish I weren't an introvert, so I wouldn't feel so at home in my head and the rubix cube I feel so impelled to solve. It makes me wish I weren't a feeler, so I wouldn't be so strongly affected and tormented by my emotions. It makes me wish I were more of a perceiver instead of a judger so I could let things go. But I would never give up the strength of my intuition. Without it, I think I would be perpetually lost.

    Not sure what I'm trying to get across. Do other INFJs suffer so much as well? Have you learned any tricks to make it easier?
    Just bear in mind, whatever you are struggling on is your emotions and that means it is your personal invention. The J nor the P will ever explain that. And if you try to make them explain that, you gonna loose
    [URL]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tEBvftJUwDw&t=0s[/URL]

  9. #29
    Badoom~ Skyward's Avatar
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    Just bear in mind, whatever you are struggling on is your emotions and that means it is your personal invention. The J nor the P will ever explain that. And if you try to make them explain that, you gonna loose
    Mhm.... Ive figured that out myself recently (Too late in my opinion) and am learning to un-MBTI myself.
    'Imperfection is beauty, madness is genius and its better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring.' - Marilyn Monroe

    This is who I am, escapist, paradise-seeker.
    -Nightwish

    Anthropology Major out of Hamline University. St. Paul, Minnesota.

  10. #30
    Shaman BlackCat's Avatar
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    My INFJ best friend always has some sort of internal conflict, but I can temporarily settle it with my "everything is going to be ok" attitude. Most of the stuff he worries about is irrelevant. When it's important though, a mixture of common sense and my attitude fixes it. Yet he still insists the stuff is a problem... When we talk our mixture of minds is like
    () 9w8-3w4-7w6 tritype.

    sCueI (primary Inquisition)

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