• You are currently viewing our forum as a guest, which gives you limited access to view most discussions and access our other features. By joining our free community, you will have access to additional post topics, communicate privately with other members (PM), view blogs, respond to polls, upload content, and access many other special features. Registration is fast, simple and absolutely free, so please join our community today! Just click here to register. You should turn your Ad Blocker off for this site or certain features may not work properly. If you have any problems with the registration process or your account login, please contact us by clicking here.

[INFJ] INFJ: the one that got away?

heart

heart on fire
Joined
May 19, 2007
Messages
8,456
Almost everyone is bound to be the "one who got away" for at least one other person, no matter of type.
 

penelope

New member
Joined
Nov 17, 2008
Messages
249
MBTI Type
INxJ
I feel like I need to try to make my suggestion clear again... this thread has gone in a completely different direction than I expected or intended it to:

The INFJ personality seems to be taken for granted in a relationship (and I think this might have to do with age/experience/maturity), and the mate moves on because he/she doesn't fully appreciate the qualities of the INFJ. Later on, as age/experience/maturity progresses, the ex-mate realizes that their ex-INFJ is something quite special, and doesn't easily find their lasting qualities in other mates. That is to say, that I'm wondering if it's common for other INFJ to have experienced this... being passed up, and then later told that their ex-mate regrets letting go of what they had.

Of course, it is experienced with all types, I imagine, but my suggestion is that it might be more common with the INFJ. The point is to have a discussion among other INFJ to see if there is a common thread and to understand why it seems to happen so often.

That'll probably be my last attempt to get everyone to understand what this thread was supposed to be about. Getting kinda frustrated...
 
V

violaine

Guest
Almost everyone is bound to be the "one who got away" for at least one other person, no matter of type.

^This is true.

I think we were discussing a pattern of it (like multiple people confess to you afterward that you were the one) and perhaps how INFJ may be vulnerable to it. *shrug*
 

Domino

ENFJ In Chains
Joined
Nov 5, 2007
Messages
11,429
MBTI Type
eNFJ
Enneagram
4w3
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
My ENFP sister's INFJ bf walked out on her. And I spent 2 1/2 years wanting to wring his neck every time I heard my sister crying. I have zero understanding for jackasses, particularly badly-behaved INFJs because I know what they're thinking and I know "where they live".

INFJs, on the whole, are lovely people. But I hate them with perhaps 20 times more contempt than other types when they're out for themselves. They're the worst kind of mercenaries because you can't punch Jesus in the arm, now can you. NO.

Having said that, I wish for my sister to marry Marty McFly. Having an INFJ BIL would rock my socks.

And from what I hear from my INFP friends, they get ditched for "whiz bang" a lot too.

Bottom line: If he/she wants to leave, they'll leave. You're mysterious/too opaque. You're smart/too bookish. You're tall/an Amazon. You smell like lavender sugar kittens rolled in sexy/stop trying to control me!!one!1!!1one!!1
 

lorkan

New member
Joined
Nov 10, 2008
Messages
260
MBTI Type
INFJ
proteanmix: This could definitely be an NJ thing. I didnt mean that this could only happen to INFJ's, I just said that since we are talking about INFJ's...
 

Silent Stars

New member
Joined
Oct 22, 2008
Messages
410
MBTI Type
INFJ
Enneagram
9w1
Many guys, especially younger ones have issues with commitment.

As a woman, I don't view spending the rest of my life with a man I love as even being remotely scary, quite the contrary, actually I would view such a life as being a blessing.
I can say the same thing about the girls I've been around, even when it's just casual commitments, like hanging out as friends. It's so frustrating...

I feel the same way about that too.
 

heart

heart on fire
Joined
May 19, 2007
Messages
8,456
Having said that, I wish for my sister to marry Marty McFly. Having an INFJ BIL would rock my socks.

:wubbie: Yeah, he was pure sexy.

Agree 100 percent with what you said about negative aspects of INFJ as well.
 

Domino

ENFJ In Chains
Joined
Nov 5, 2007
Messages
11,429
MBTI Type
eNFJ
Enneagram
4w3
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
:wubbie: Yeah, he was pure sexy.

I knew you'd agree! :D

Goodness, the things I could get up to with an INFJ BIL. We'd be NFJing all over creation. Take that, you stupid creation!
 
S

Sniffles

Guest
As a male INFJ, I can certainly relate to the many premises of this thread and to the experiences of other INFJs here.

However, I've yet to have one woman regret letting me go - at least they haven't told me so.

This especially caught my attention
I've also gotten the "I don't deserve you" line more than once. It always seems to be the beginning of the end. It seems to signal the end of the relationship before it even begins. I'm not sure if other INFJs can relate. It bugs the hell out of me.

Trust me, you're not alone. I constantly get that BS as well.
 

heart

heart on fire
Joined
May 19, 2007
Messages
8,456
I've also gotten the "I don't deserve you" line more than once. It always seems to be the beginning of the end. It seems to signal the end of the relationship before it even begins. I'm not sure if other INFJs can relate. It bugs the hell out of me.

Isn't this a typical break-up line? George Constanza's "It's me, not you."
 

Silent Stars

New member
Joined
Oct 22, 2008
Messages
410
MBTI Type
INFJ
Enneagram
9w1
Trust me, you're not alone. I constantly get that BS as well.
Yep. I've always heard things along the lines of "you're too perfect," etc. far more times than I care to remember.
 

Silent Stars

New member
Joined
Oct 22, 2008
Messages
410
MBTI Type
INFJ
Enneagram
9w1
Also, I will add that although the girls who passed me up never voiced any sort of regret (they always acted as if nothing had happened...), their friends always apologized to me for their behavior, and were quite mad at them for treating me so poorly. One even apologized for not telling me that a particular girl I had liked for quite a while (the only one I ever asked out, too) had a long history of leading guys on. I could tell that he was sincerely sorry, but I don't see why he couldn't have told me earlier. :dry:
 

Kestrel

New member
Joined
Nov 14, 2008
Messages
138
MBTI Type
INFJ
Enneagram
2w1
Isn't this a typical break-up line? George Constanza's "It's me, not you."

You'd think so. But the weird part it always seems to happen during the beginning of the relationship, not the end. Which is puzzling.

Maybe I'm too much, too fast? :huh:
 
S

Sniffles

Guest
Yeah that always happens to me; where the "relationship" ends before it even has a chance to begin.
 

disregard

mrs
Joined
Apr 23, 2007
Messages
7,826
MBTI Type
INFP
*wonders what life is like where your exes have great things to say about you*
 

Desperado44

New member
Joined
Jun 14, 2008
Messages
471
MBTI Type
ENFJ
Yep. And maybe it does have to do with age, because these are all guys that I was either interested in or had a fling with and they either passed me up or moved on because they probably saw something more sparkly or distracting (haha), but later on, realize what they had or could've had and either apologize or try to get me back.

Us INFJs are the ones you have to hunt for... once we're found, you'd better know what you've got and treat us accordingly. Otherwise, we'll sense that we'll get hurt and, if we're smart enough, we'll leave, or we'll stick around and be scorned, and then you'll never have a second chance.

INFJ's are very hard to find/meet.

It sounds like you've been a victim of a world that is always looking for the BBD: Bigger Better Deal.
 

Ardea

o edward cullen!
Joined
Dec 3, 2008
Messages
729
MBTI Type
enfp
Enneagram
7
What about... being the one that got away from the INFJ? Before it had a chance to start?

INFJs, what did you feel?
 

lorkan

New member
Joined
Nov 10, 2008
Messages
260
MBTI Type
INFJ
Hmm... that actually happend with me regarding a estp-girl. This was in midschool and I felt pretty angry, but then realized that it was for the best. I was thinking about her all the time just after she didnt want to be around me anymore and the only strong reason I can think of why I thought of her so much after we broke up was that I couldn't have her. I hate feeling obsessed over someone and I hate myself for acting unresponsibly to people that truly likes me.
 
Top