User Tag List

First 4567816 Last

Results 51 to 60 of 165

  1. #51
    Plumage and Moult proteanmix's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    Enneagram
    1w2
    Posts
    5,514

    Default

    I'm not quite sure what to make of this thread.

    It seems to me that some of the INFJs in this thread are noticing a consistent pattern that they're "passed up" for other options in relationships. My first inclination is to think if you partners are consistently doing this there maybe some kind of misattribution going on here. Consistently being the one that got away? That doesn't make sense. Could it be some of the INFJs who have this problem are expressing some something that is scaring people off?

    I'm also not seeing how this is type specific.
    Relationships have normal ebbs and flows. They do not automatically get better and better when the participants learn more and more about each other. Instead, the participants have to work through the tensions of the relationship (the dialectic) while they learn and group themselves and a parties in a relationships. At times the relationships is very open and sharing. Other time, one or both parties to the relationship need their space, or have other concerns, and the relationship is less open. The theory posits that these cycles occur throughout the life of the relationship as the persons try to balance their needs for privacy and open relationship.
    Interpersonal Communication Theories and Concepts
    Social Penetration Theory 1
    Social Penetration Theory 2
    Social Penetration Theory 3

  2. #52
    Senior Member penelope's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    MBTI
    INxJ
    Posts
    249

    Default

    Ack. Well, nevermind then. Maybe I'm not getting the suggestion across clearly enough.

  3. #53

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by lorkan View Post
    noigmn: I don't know exactly how it would look like now. Although people (including me) often don't know what's good for them. Something good happens every now and then and I fail to act, giving advises and being just informative is the way to make INFJ to make a smart decision cause its probably lack of info that we act stupid. INFJ's don't have lack of judgement (methinks) and we don't need another J to straighten us out, just more facts (FI-facts in this case).

    But sometimes I felt they should have done some things more passionately and not just a 'get it over with'- attitude. It's stuff were there could be potential conflict, competetive stuff.
    You are right. Your judgment and clarity of thought on things is great. I use my mum for it a lot.
    Freude, schöner Götterfunken Tochter aus Elysium, Wir betreten feuertrunken, Himmlische, dein Heiligtum! Deine Zauber binden wieder Was die Mode streng geteilt; Alle Menschen werden Brüder, Wo dein sanfter Flügel weilt.

  4. #54
    The Black Knight Domino's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    MBTI
    eNFJ
    Enneagram
    4w3 sx/so
    Socionics
    eNFJ Ni
    Posts
    11,443

    Default

    This isn't exclusive to one type.

    I've heard it. My sister's heard it. And it was extremely agitating.

    Drama.
    eNFJ 4w3 sx/so 468 tritype
    Neutral Good
    EII-Fi subtype, Ethical/Empath, Delta/Beta
    RLUEI, Choleric/Melancholic
    Inquistive/Limbic
    AIS Holland code
    Researcher: VDI-P
    Dramatic>Sensitive>Serious

  5. #55
    violaine
    Guest

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by penelope View Post
    Ack. Well, nevermind then. Maybe I'm not getting the suggestion across clearly enough.
    No no no I totally get it. Glad you bought it up actually. INFJ never usually put themselves out there like that.

    There is a strange quality to it - it is definite connection, seeing each other, knowing it's real and then a vanishing.... then the remorse.

    That may happen for others too but I think an INFJ reaction to it is very interesting as well and worth talking about. It didn't really need any more explanation that you gave it.
    Last edited by violaine; 12-26-2008 at 11:38 AM.

  6. #56
    Once Was Synarch's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2008
    MBTI
    ENTP
    Posts
    8,470

    Default

    But this has happened to male INFJ's, too, correct? I do have to say that whenever I have broken up with someone they have tried to express regret and a desire to resume. I think this is just a reaction from the trauma of a relationship dying. You miss the good things and overlook the bad things about the dead relationship. Maybe it is just something that happens, but does not seem significant to some people whereas it may seem significant to others. I don't know.
    "Create like a god, command like a king, work like a slave."

  7. #57
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    MBTI
    INFJ
    Posts
    260

    Default

    proteanmix: I think some INFJ's could have a problem showing different sides of themselves because they don't want to scare people of and that each side are so drastically different from the other that it doesnt make sence to some people.
    Some INFJ-musicians can start to act like a pilot technician and some INFJ-kindergardenteachers can start to act like a brutal spartanwarrior. Because the feel like it.

  8. #58
    violaine
    Guest

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by noigmn View Post
    My past clouds my feelings on it. The fact that things didn't really eventuate initially meant I started feeling that what I was reading might not have been right. Recently though I may have dismissed really obvious signs for those reasons and self protection. It seems like she does quite like me. And there are moments when she wants to walk so close that it feels like more than friendship. But I am a step back from reciprocating. Like I'm always waiting for a sign that is more solid.
    hmm with respect, you are prob not going to get a solid sign after all of this time... so you might be doomed to dance around each other unless you do something definite? Do you think you could or would?

    Quote Originally Posted by proteanmix View Post
    I'm not quite sure what to make of this thread.

    It seems to me that some of the INFJs in this thread are noticing a consistent pattern that they're "passed up" for other options in relationships. My first inclination is to think if you partners are consistently doing this there maybe some kind of misattribution going on here. Consistently being the one that got away? That doesn't make sense. Could it be some of the INFJs who have this problem are expressing some something that is scaring people off?

    I'm also not seeing how this is type specific.
    hmm well I wouldn't say passed up for others. But I would say the person got what they wanted and it frightened the life out of them I have learned to modulate - not that I think I'm super intense, I am not clingy, but I am serious and devoted to them.

    Also, I have learned to view all of this as a valuable sorting process and not to fall in love with potential so much or what I know I can bring to a relationship, but to consider the person's ability to reciprocate. I wouldn't have done that without these experiences.

  9. #59
    Senior Member Kestrel's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    MBTI
    INFJ
    Enneagram
    2w1
    Socionics
    EIE
    Posts
    138

    Default

    I don't know why this thread is spinning toward a "female INFJ only" premise. I can relate to what the other INFJs in this thread are saying, despite the gender difference.

    I only seem to approach a relationship in terms of "long-term" potential. If it's not there, I'll drop it like a sack of bricks. I guess that breaks from the stereotype of males "not looking to commit", but it's always how I approached things.

    I believe relationships can evolve beyond the "honeymoon phase" - where everything is fun, new, and exciting. I think it's about getting to know the other person on a truly deeper level. Living, changing, and growing together.

    How people can truly use "people grow apart" as a valid excuse for why things don't work out will always perplex me.
    I-44 N-88 F-62 J-67

    A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty. -Winston Churchill

  10. #60
    Plumage and Moult proteanmix's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    Enneagram
    1w2
    Posts
    5,514

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by lorkan View Post
    proteanmix: I think some INFJ's could have a problem showing different sides of themselves because they don't want to scare people of and that each side are so drastically different from the other that it doesnt make sence to some people.
    Some INFJ-musicians can start to act like a pilot technician and some INFJ-kindergardenteachers can start to act like a brutal spartanwarrior. Because the feel like it.
    Yes, that makes sense and that's something I identify with as well. When revealing parts of yourself that aren't seen often and worrying about how receptive the other person will be I understand proceeding with caution. Especially if you've been burned before. I'm just trying to figure out how this is exclusive to INFJs. I think when you're out there on the scene nearly everyone can point to at least one relationship that went sour that could've been very special but didn't materialize. In retrospect you look back and realize that something great got away from you. But when it happens so many times it seems like the "it's not you, it's me" that people say when relationships end to soften the blow.
    Relationships have normal ebbs and flows. They do not automatically get better and better when the participants learn more and more about each other. Instead, the participants have to work through the tensions of the relationship (the dialectic) while they learn and group themselves and a parties in a relationships. At times the relationships is very open and sharing. Other time, one or both parties to the relationship need their space, or have other concerns, and the relationship is less open. The theory posits that these cycles occur throughout the life of the relationship as the persons try to balance their needs for privacy and open relationship.
    Interpersonal Communication Theories and Concepts
    Social Penetration Theory 1
    Social Penetration Theory 2
    Social Penetration Theory 3

Similar Threads

  1. Replies: 2
    Last Post: 04-13-2011, 05:45 PM
  2. Replies: 37
    Last Post: 07-27-2009, 12:02 PM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Single Sign On provided by vBSSO