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  1. #11
    Once Was Synarch's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by penelope View Post
    I'm wondering if this is the case for other INFJs...

    I can count maybe 4-5 guys who have passed me up in the past who have admitted that they regret letting me go, passing me up, or letting me get away.
    From the perspective of someone who has loved INFJ's, this is because INFJ's are typically so caring, so loving, so accepting and so devoted that you start to forget that this is contingent on how well you treat them and appreciate them. They will love you completely, only if you love them in return. So if you are selfish and fail to appreciate their love, you will start to imagine that is something you will always have. Then you may begin to take it for granted. At which point, you divide yourself from them. I imagine this also happens with ISFJ's. INFJ's are lovely. Appreciate them and respect their ways.
    "Create like a god, command like a king, work like a slave."

  2. #12
    Revelation Lauren Ashley's Avatar
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    ...and what karen and Synarch said

  3. #13
    jump sleuthiness's Avatar
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    No, there was someone. I don't regret leaving the relation one bit. Now I'm much happier with an istj. *rolls eyes*

  4. #14
    Once Was Synarch's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by candylandjoe View Post
    No, there was someone. I don't regret leaving the relation one bit. Now I'm much happier with an istj. *rolls eyes*
    Yes. But, you're not INFJ.
    "Create like a god, command like a king, work like a slave."

  5. #15
    `~~Philosoflying~~` SillySapienne's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Synarch View Post
    From the perspective of someone who has loved INFJ's, this is because INFJ's are typically so caring, so loving, so accepting and so devoted that you start to forget that this is contingent on how well you treat them and appreciate them. They will love you completely, only if you love them in return. So if you are selfish and fail to appreciate their love, you will start to imagine that is something you will always have. Then you may begin to take it for granted. At which point, you divide yourself from them. I imagine this also happens with ISFJ's. INFJ's are lovely. Appreciate them and respect their ways.
    I believe one can extrapolate this out to include many relationships between men and women.

    It is so frustrating, how comfortable and dare I say complacent men become after you have been with them for a while.

    If a woman is in love, guess what, she will be caring, loving, accepting, and devoted. I think we are better able to sustain love and appreciation for our partners, *while in their presence*!

    I have been in several critical relationships where the men I was with were taking me for granted despite my confronting them that by the time they realized their mistake, it would be too late, and I would be gone, but for some reason they would not listen, and surprise, surprise after I left, they came to their senses and realized I was the girl who got away.

    Not to derail this thread, but this is something I cannot stand.

    It does me no good, provides me no warmth, when I hear an ex say that I was the love of his life, what would have helped and worked was if he realized this *while* we were going out.

    I will love and care for you, I will respect and admire you, trust you and devote myself to you if you love me, appreciate me, and cherish me back.

    Simple as that.

    I can't speak for all women, but I can speak for myself and at least a few others by stating that being appreciated and cherished by the one you love feels, feels.. hmm, feels better than any ordinary word can attempt to convey/express.
    `
    'Cause you can't handle me...

    "A lie is a lie even if everyone believes it. The truth is the truth even if nobody believes it." - David Stevens

    "That that is, is. That that is not, is not. Is that it? It is."

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  6. #16
    mrs disregard's Avatar
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    Seriously. Nothing makes me want to roll my eyes more than love in hindsight.

  7. #17
    `~~Philosoflying~~` SillySapienne's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by disregard View Post
    Seriously. Nothing makes me want to roll my eyes more than love in hindsight.
    Yup.
    `
    'Cause you can't handle me...

    "A lie is a lie even if everyone believes it. The truth is the truth even if nobody believes it." - David Stevens

    "That that is, is. That that is not, is not. Is that it? It is."

    Veritatem dies aperit

    Ride si sapis

    Intelligentle sparkles

  8. #18
    Senior Member Silent Stars's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by CaptainChick View Post
    I will love and care for you, I will respect and admire you, trust you and devote myself to you if you love me, appreciate me, and cherish me back.

    Simple as that.

    I can't speak for all women, but I can speak for myself and at least a few others by stating that being appreciated and cherished by the one you love feels, feels.. hmm, feels better than any ordinary word can attempt to convey/express.
    mmmm, definitely....
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  9. #19
    violaine
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    Yeah, this has been the motif of my relationship life. (I'm sure this must happen to other types, but I suspect INFJ may be particularly vulnerable to this.) I always put it down to that I can fall in love very quickly and stay there and I show it. A case of 'just knowing'. I think that can be frightening for the other person, sometimes they flinch. But they're still so attracted to you... weirdness ensues. Every guy that has done that has written me some tortured letter or told me I am the biggest regret of his life after the fact. Which theoretically I should find very touching but I just don't feel for them anymore. I don't have respect for them anymore.

    I have thought about what part I might play in this dynamic too. imo INFJ can be very accepting of others in a relationship, however they want to be is just fine by me. I can't bring myself to demand things that others don't want to give freely. I think unless the person you are with is very conscientious that can foster a certain kind of dynamic. There is such a thing as being too non-demanding. Also, in the past I have tended to be completely satisfied by the way I feel about a person.

    I have slowed down in terms of starting relationships and it has helped. It is not as much fun of course but it's the only way I could avoid becoming jaded and a great way to weed out the ambivalent style men.

  10. #20

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    It is unusual, because I have let one get away. Not for any of these reasons though. I find that maturity also equates to accepting love in more than one form, and opening up to the possibilities. Sometimes to be so decisive, is to not give love the chance to grow. To be there for the other, but offer no level of connection that can satisfy them. Me being a 4w5 ENFP is part of the problem, but talking to older INFJs, there is a misplaced definiteness about the world that is the younger INFJs strength, and undoing. To be right too often is to miss the alternatives. You have a clear answer there about how something is, so why look for reasons to disprove it? I shouldn't say it, but it is like seeing the world from a million of your own perspectives, when to see it from one other's can complete the puzzle. You can't really make the statement about 4-5 guys letting you get away, without considering why. (on a more human level than I was loving and easy, so they got bored).

    Every situation has more than one side. If 4-5 guys let me go and regretted it, I would normally consider there is a pattern there. ie. guys who like you for some reason are driven to let you go. Or walk past it. In the real world no one leaves love because it is too easy. They leave it because they don't have an appreciation of it. Not because it is too easy, but because it has glossed over them. It hasn't grabbed their soul. You can say it was the other's naivity. But really that is just excusing your duty and part in it. Nothing is ever the other person's responsibility. They are human's with liberty and lives of their own. If you never enter into their world or intersect its course, it has no reason to merge with yours. It just travels along with you, and passes you. Some complements and niceties are thrown between the two worlds, but they stay separate. The 4-5 who left saw something good in it after. I'd ask why didn't they see it at the time? There was obviously some kind of misunderstanding, because if two people really liked eachother, something deeper should form. And I'd wonder to myself, if I did like any of them, how I could avoid it happening another time. And ask whether I am the one who got away, or the one who missed the chances? I see no reason for pride in it.
    Freude, schöner Götterfunken Tochter aus Elysium, Wir betreten feuertrunken, Himmlische, dein Heiligtum! Deine Zauber binden wieder Was die Mode streng geteilt; Alle Menschen werden Brüder, Wo dein sanfter Flügel weilt.

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