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  1. #151
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    Quote Originally Posted by penelope View Post
    Well, fancy that. How'd you find yourself over here Kienan?
    Gage and I have been talking about MBTI stuff a lot as sort of a personal project and he linked me to this forum. Didn't expect to see you here! Wow, we're both Cancers and INFJs? I think there's some sort of conspiracy going on here.

  2. #152
    Senior Member penelope's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Stayne Falls View Post
    Gage and I have been talking about MBTI stuff a lot as sort of a personal project and he linked me to this forum. Didn't expect to see you here! Wow, we're both Cancers and INFJs? I think there's some sort of conspiracy going on here.
    I think that's a definite possibility. The other guy friend I have, that also happens to be born on July 7th, 1986, is also an INFJ.

    I've only recently gotten into MBTI. Been researching it as an aim to better understand why I do things (the J in me is what has been wrecking havoc and I'm trying to figure it out) for a few months.

  3. #153
    Filthy Apes! Kalach's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by iwakar View Post
    Let it be said --complexity is not the same as intentional inscrutability, which has the nasty tendency to be wielded like a cudgel to "keep the mortals at bay."
    Yeah, actually, what I said would mean there are differing areas of complexity for differing types.

    INFJs might still take the cake though because your area of complexity is so closely related to who the INFJ is inside... AND is so tied up with the N.

    I dunno, I'm just guessing.


    As for the one that got away, a thing used to happen when I was younger, and it happened often enough for me to remark on it with something like a pissed off pride: people would sometimes appear on the horizon to announce that years earlier I had said something they thought was stupid at the time but which turned out to be true.

    I don't know if I'm exaggerating this or not because it used to happen, but these days hasn't happened in many years. Maybe it only works when your peers are teens.

    Maybe INFJs have something similar but much more closely related to those icky people-y things that people get up to, feelings and whatnot.


    Or maybe you dwell often enough on break ups that the ex finally has to admit some kind of mistake.

    I didn't say that, I didn't say that, no, no, I didn't... Aaaagh, Fe-ed until I bleed

    Actually, not speaking from experience, just from watching an INFJ friend a bit.

  4. #154
    Senior Member Erudur's Avatar
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    Here are a few thoughts. Perhaps the INFJ has a subconscious attraction to the free spirit type that causes them to overlook other incompatibilities. In the relationship the INFJ begins to see these things, but is also injured by the common insensitivities of the free-spirit type.

    After the breakup, the free spirit type eventually matures to a place of looking for deeper love and settling down. It is then that the free-spirit realizes what a good thing they had.

    By then the bridges have been burnt for the INFJ.

    Here are the possible characteristics of other types in similar situations that reduce the one-that-got-away syndrome:

    SPs - they are the free spirits. they enjoy the love and leave relationships but their own potentially shallow contributions to the relationship don't leave the other person looking back with regret.

    SJs - they were never part of this discussion. Though I suppose the really feeling SFJs might be, but I'm guessing it was the NF that did the breaking up. So the SJs regret was for something they were never going to have anyway.

    NFPs - they have SP tendencies and may realize that regret after the relationship is over. On the receiving end, they are less likely to burn the bridge, so a past relationship that was special may be rekindled.

    NTPs - especially the Es may be the perpetrators, but are less likely to look back with regret. They chalk it up as a lesson learned and move on.

    NTJs - projecting my own perspective, we are pretty deliberate in relationships. We are less likely (not-at-all-likely) to get into a relationship we aren't serious about. Once in, we won't be the ones to take advantage of the relationship, the struggles might more likely be along the lines of .... actually I don't know the answer to this one.

  5. #155
    The Memes Justify the End EcK's Avatar
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    I have an INFJ friend, she's the one calling me back. We dated for a while years ago, it was my messier relation EVER^^.
    I did try to get rid of her like, 3 to 10 times - depends how you count? but she'd always send a card or something. She has a boyfriend and all so it's not that.
    Personally, I just move on, I just need to shed the past away and have a fresh set of buddies once in a while. It's just my way of living my life. I always say it, I don't lie about it, but somehow people don't always get the message.

    My relations with others are therefore very superficial and not percieved as a 'long term' thing. Most people just bore me after a while, and I usually like them because I'm a kid and like new and shiny.
    Expression of the post modern paradox : "For the love of god, religions are so full of shit"

    Theory is always superseded by Fact...
    ... In theory.

    “I’d hate to die twice. It’s so boring.”
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    "Great is the human who has not lost his childlike heart."
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  6. #156

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    Quote Originally Posted by Kalach View Post
    Or maybe you dwell often enough on break ups that the ex finally has to admit some kind of mistake.

    I didn't say that, I didn't say that, no, no, I didn't... Aaaagh, Fe-ed until I bleed

    Actually, not speaking from experience, just from watching an INFJ friend a bit.
    Meh. Not so much. When I was 16, 17 --my first two serious relationships I *did* do this dwelling business.

    After that I got into the (bad?) habit of walking into the sunset without any *visible* glances back; meaning if I did dwell on it, they had no effing clue.
    "The purpose of life is to be defeated by greater and greater things." - Rainer Maria Rilke

  7. #157
    violaine
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    ^I'm the same way.

    I'm starting to think that my own experiences have been because I am fairly 'low maintenance' in a relationship. I mean, they do have to tick a few boxes and I'm very picky about those things but once that's done and I'm in the relationship I am fairly content and like to treat my partner well. I want them to be happy/fulfilled. Whatever they need to do to achieve that is fine by me and I am very supportive of them. So, perhaps it's just the exes having tougher relationships after me. And the fact that I don't typically ever let them in again after it's all done is in high contrast to how devoted and open I am during the relationship. It might get them thinking about things later I guess.

    This thread has really de-mystified all of this for me. I thought it was more mystical than I have recently come to realize it is. I've always assumed there is a lot of feeling behind an ex's overtures. But maybe not, maybe they just want to see if they can get you back or they were feeling nostalgic. *shrug* I still think it's weird that it can be a long time after the fact.

  8. #158
    Filthy Apes! Kalach's Avatar
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    Well, INFJs are the seers because they know what hearts in the lies of men... that's pretty complex.

    And now the other thing... the one getting away...

    Fe.

    Gotta love it.


    No, I mean, you really do. It's required.

    Fe gets under your skin. It reaches out and grabs you.

    So... see, other types, the ones without the Fe as a first or second, ah, super power, they're not the "one's who got away" because if they're gone, they're gone. Dominant Fe would manage the exes into a suitably positioned on-going friendship. Auxiliary Fe'd be more stand-offish, I guess, but still working an outreach program.

    Plus there's the seer thing.


    Wicked combo.



    I dunno. I'm just making it up as I go along.

    I wonder also if one aspect of it is not, the whole INFJ thing is learning the hearts of men, so once a lesson is learned, there's not only a change and a growth and a next step, but there's no need, indeed perhaps a positive wish to not relearn it.

    So INFJs make progress out of break ups in some kind of way that other types just do as healing...??

    Or something?



  9. #159
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    Quote Originally Posted by LadyJaye View Post
    I've only been in love once in my life, and when the relationship ended, I grieved about it for over two years. Love shouldn't come or go quickly if it's real.
    Yes I definately relate to this attitude. As I often say, you can't force a broken heart to heal - even though that's what everybody tells you to do.

  10. #160

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    Quote Originally Posted by Kalach View Post
    Well, INFJs are the seers because they know what hearts in the lies of men... that's pretty complex.
    Is that reverse pun intentional? We arguably do spot the beating heart of "mens" lies.

    Quote Originally Posted by Kalach View Post
    And now the other thing... the one getting away...

    Fe.

    Gotta love it.


    No, I mean, you really do. It's required.

    Fe gets under your skin. It reaches out and grabs you.
    I'm learning to be less surprised when this sort of remark escapes Ts. Shattering misconceptions is so enlightening.

    Quote Originally Posted by Kalach View Post
    I wonder also if one aspect of it is not, the whole INFJ thing is learning the hearts of men, so once a lesson is learned, there's not only a change and a growth and a next step, but there's no need, indeed perhaps a positive wish to not relearn it.

    So INFJs make progress out of break ups in some kind of way that other types just do as healing...??

    Or something?
    Bravo! Have you been abstractly musing aloud or do we interest you...
    or both?

    Oh noes!111!!! Prepare to be bombarded with madd INFJ huggles, rays of sunshine, and CareBear stares as a result of your recent excavations!

    "The purpose of life is to be defeated by greater and greater things." - Rainer Maria Rilke

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