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  1. #111
    Occasional Member Evan's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by penelope View Post
    Hooray INFJs! I'm so glad you guys are coming around. It really further proves that only INFJs get other INFJs... whew.
    I've been "gotten" by 4 ENFPs, 2 INFPs, an ENTP, an INTJ, and 2 ENFJs. (All female, somehow...)

    All it takes is a bit of effort and a bit of natural understanding of people -- It's not like different rules apply to me or something.

  2. #112

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    Quote Originally Posted by penelope View Post
    It really further proves that only INFJs get other INFJs... whew.
    I disagree with this statement and the possible intention it belies. Although I am still pleased you made your original post as it has stirred up some long-sought camaraderie on a painful and at-times confusing topic for many INFJs.


    However <critics>, it is not unrealistic to assume that most types have a sharper understanding of their own types better than others.

    Also, I don't think the OP was addressing relationship (ending) patterns within the INFJ type as a way to prove we're more complicated than other types, unless I... missed... something...? If the discussion has devolved to this point, I think it's more a matter of failed communications on the topic rather than a devious effort to establish INFJ emotional elitism.

    I think some of you have simply exceeded your cranky flakes ration for the day given the stresses of the holiday season. Eat some fruitcake instead. Thus, I have spoken!

    :makes a grand sweeping gesture:
    "The purpose of life is to be defeated by greater and greater things." - Rainer Maria Rilke

  3. #113
    Plumage and Moult proteanmix's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by iwakar View Post

    I think some of you have simply exceeded your cranky flakes ration for the day given the stresses of the holiday season. Eat some fruitcake instead. Thus, I have spoken!

    :makes a grand sweeping gesture:
    Cranky flakes are like my favorite non-sugary breakfast cereal in the world! You can't take that away from me!

    Naw, seriously I thought I could get this rigorous with INFJs cause that's how we do with each other in real life.

    No offense to the INFJs in the thread, you're still my favorites! I just don't like to see fellow NFJs getting in that "poor me, I give and I give and I give" circle of madness. I totally could've brought my brown bag to the party and started dancing on the table of despair. Carry on, I'll go away.
    Relationships have normal ebbs and flows. They do not automatically get better and better when the participants learn more and more about each other. Instead, the participants have to work through the tensions of the relationship (the dialectic) while they learn and group themselves and a parties in a relationships. At times the relationships is very open and sharing. Other time, one or both parties to the relationship need their space, or have other concerns, and the relationship is less open. The theory posits that these cycles occur throughout the life of the relationship as the persons try to balance their needs for privacy and open relationship.
    Interpersonal Communication Theories and Concepts
    Social Penetration Theory 1
    Social Penetration Theory 2
    Social Penetration Theory 3

  4. #114
    violaine
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    Quote Originally Posted by proteanmix View Post
    Cranky flakes are like my favorite non-sugary breakfast cereal in the world! You can't take that away from me!

    Naw, seriously I thought I could get this rigorous with INFJs cause that's how we do with each other in real life.

    No offense to the INFJs in the thread, you're still my favorites! I just don't like to see fellow NFJs getting in that "poor me, I give and I give and I give" circle of madness. I totally could've brought my brown bag to the party and started dancing on the table of despair. Carry on, I'll go away.
    Yeah, that does suck.

    Aww, don't go away though... we're all just talking!

  5. #115

    Default Further thread derail; apologies!

    Quote Originally Posted by proteanmix View Post
    Cranky Crazy flakes are like my favorite non-sugary breakfast cereal in the world! You can't take that away from me!

    Naw, seriously I thought I could get this rigorous with INFJs cause that's how we do with each other in real life.

    No offense to the INFJs in the thread, you're still my favorites! I just don't like to see fellow NFJs getting in that "poor me, I give and I give and I give" circle of madness. I totally could've brought my brown bag to the party and started dancing on the table of despair. Carry on, I'll go away.
    (FIXED)

    You're not getting off that easy miss!

    Discussions should not be ended just because negative assumptions require extraction or humorous asides need interjection. It's important to reach an understanding with people we like, people we care about, and people we respect --and I see no reason that doesn't apply to this thread. I don't want discussion to end, I want it to improve.

    I'll respond to a comment you made in an earlier post that seemed telling. You stated "I think INJs like to believe that people don't get them or understand them or purposely try to shroud themselves in a mysterious aura so they can then later claim that they weren't understood and absolve themselves of any role they played in the lack of understanding." I believe this is true of 1) immature INxJs 2) irresponsible INxJs and 3) lazy INxJs. I do not believe this is true of mature or healthy INxJs. (You've had bad experiences mayhaps?)

    Is it fair and possible that you are lumping the sincere frustration that some INxJs experience at times with other types when trying to communicate, with the elitist behavior of less exemplary INxJs? I won't claim that never happens, just that it doesn't always happen and is not something that healthy, mature, responsible INxJs would aspire to emulate.

    I can only truly speak for myself, but I know that I have personally gone through great lengths to articulate my convoluted thoughts and feelings with people I love and trust, though it has not always ended how I had hoped. Not finding at least some one that I can trust and clearly communicate with is a social poverty to be avoided, and something that should be achieved no matter how difficult or painful. I think older or mature INxJs recognize the danger of excessive solitude, and like all types slug away at this issue --improving/developing as they grow.

    And perhaps "simplicity/complexity" is a loaded qualifying system... maybe "transparency/opacity" is more accurate?

    Let the responses be plentiful!

    :makes grand sweeping gesture again:

    Where'd I misplace mah flashy scepter?!
    "The purpose of life is to be defeated by greater and greater things." - Rainer Maria Rilke

  6. #116
    Senior Member Gish's Avatar
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    I'm unique too.
    Whoops.

  7. #117
    jump sleuthiness's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gish View Post
    I'm unique too.
    Like I'm logical, yeah!

  8. #118
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lauren Ashley View Post
    Where in there does it say that INFJs believe they are more complex than others? Complexity might not be the issue. It might be something else.
    I think this issue was brought up in response to my post, which said, "Yea, we're complex. lol" Maybe it wasn't and I'm being self-centered. ha. I said it tongue-in-cheek though. However, I did read this online. I'll find it.

    Edit: This is from Keirsey's profile:

    "People who have known an INFJ for years may find sides emerging which come as a surprise. Not that INFJs are inconsistent; they are very consistent and value integrity. But they have convoluted, complex personalities which sometimes puzzle even them."

    That's what I was thinking about when I said it tongue-in-cheek. Who cares though? I think making this an issue is showing some insecurity.

  9. #119
    Plumage and Moult proteanmix's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by iwakar View Post
    (FIXED)

    You're not getting off that easy miss!

    Discussions should not be ended just because negative assumptions require extraction or humorous asides need interjection. It's important to reach an understanding with people we like, people we care about, and people we respect --and I see no reason that doesn't apply to this thread. I don't want discussion to end, I want it to improve.


    Quote Originally Posted by iwakar View Post
    I'll respond to a comment you made in an earlier post that seemed telling. You stated "I think INJs like to believe that people don't get them or understand them or purposely try to shroud themselves in a mysterious aura so they can then later claim that they weren't understood and absolve themselves of any role they played in the lack of understanding." I believe this is true of 1) immature INxJs 2) irresponsible INxJs and 3) lazy INxJs. I do not believe this is true of mature or healthy INxJs. (You've had bad experiences mayhaps?)
    No, most of my experiences are with healthy INJs that do connect with people that want to understand them and vice versa. In fact I have an INTJ friend that chides me about keeping in touch and gift-giving. That's why I wasn't buying this "the one that got away.'

    But "immature" is an interesting word that I see bandied about often. Were the people who left the INFJs immature? Maybe so, maybe no. Is it immature to be at different points in life? I wouldn't say that just because a person brands you the one that got away that they were necessarily immature. Maybe them breaking up with you at that point in time was the most mature act they could do. I think that type of statement requires that the two people wanted the same thing at the same time (or professed to want it) but one of them wasn't there yet, if that makes sense. When they finally got to the point they wanted to be, they retrospect and maybe regret.

    Quote Originally Posted by iwakar View Post
    Is it fair and possible that you are lumping the sincere frustration that some INxJs experience at times with other types when trying to communicate, with the elitist behavior of less exemplary INxJs? I won't claim that never happens, just that it doesn't always happen and is not something that healthy, mature, responsible INxJs would aspire to emulate.
    Yes, it is fair and very possible. Now let's get into some numbers: how many of the INFJs that have this problem do you think are healthy, mature, and responsible? IF it's happening to them repeatedly and consistently I'm leaning towards the "un" category.

    Quote Originally Posted by iwakar View Post
    And perhaps "simplicity/complexity" is a loaded qualifying system... maybe "transparency/opacity" is more accurate?
    Yes, that's most definitely the case. You can have a complex system that's transparent and learnable with time. When you obscure the same system it's harder to see the mechanics of how it works and to learn it and all but the most tenacious throw up their hands in frustration. Maybe some people do that purposely so only the most determined get through? Maybe some people like getting jackhammered? I think that needlessly complicates things and leads to isolation and the being poorly understood part. That's what I was getting at with the whole shrouding in mystery part, thanks for explaining it better.
    Relationships have normal ebbs and flows. They do not automatically get better and better when the participants learn more and more about each other. Instead, the participants have to work through the tensions of the relationship (the dialectic) while they learn and group themselves and a parties in a relationships. At times the relationships is very open and sharing. Other time, one or both parties to the relationship need their space, or have other concerns, and the relationship is less open. The theory posits that these cycles occur throughout the life of the relationship as the persons try to balance their needs for privacy and open relationship.
    Interpersonal Communication Theories and Concepts
    Social Penetration Theory 1
    Social Penetration Theory 2
    Social Penetration Theory 3

  10. #120
    The Black Knight Domino's Avatar
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    Does this mean I can't flick people on the balls? We all know Erin so needs a good ball-flicking. Synarch's boobs are the next stop on the Flickstah Express!

    The INFJs can't have the "cranky" label. It's mine. I claimz it 4 France!
    eNFJ 4w3 sx/so 468 tritype
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    EII-Fi subtype, Ethical/Empath, Delta/Beta
    RLUEI, Choleric/Melancholic
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    Researcher: VDI-P
    Dramatic>Sensitive>Serious

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