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  1. #1
    Junior Member AgentOrange's Avatar
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    Default INFJ personal relations

    I was recently reminded of this in the welcome thread. I, unfortunately, don't have the chance to be around too many INFJ's, but the ones that I do have the pleasure of being close to are usually pretty open me, but SO guarded around most people. I mean they're fine sharing ideas, and are pretty sociable, but like to keep feelings or details of their life to themselves much more than most types.

    This has been quite relevant once I started dating an INFJ, because I'm a LOT more open about my personal life. I make sure I keep pretty tight lipped about him, to be respectful of his wishes. However, he still teases me for "ruining his image" because people are beginning to think he's human :rolli: .

    Is this something that anyone else has noticed?

  2. #2
    Occasional Member Evan's Avatar
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    Ha yes. I maintain an image with most people, to keep them from having power over me. I need to figure some stuff out about a person before I choose to let them in. I just don't trust many people...

  3. #3
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    This describes me too. I'm open in other general ways, but my personal life is a closed book. I wonder if this has to do with instinctual stacking. I'm sx/sp. I tend to share info with just a few individually and not with "groups." (It's funny- I make others stay "tight-lipped" too. ha.)

  4. #4
    Senior Member Flush's Avatar
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    You have now described my INFJ friend.
    01001001010011100100011001010000

  5. #5
    Member Dash's Avatar
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    I'm exactly like that, and the exact opposite of that at the same time. Long story short, I've learned to only share my inner nature with people I "trust". And by trust, I mean TRUST. Otherwise, anything I share is usually used against me (like Evan was talking about).

    However...those that do earn my trust are allowed ALL the way in. I become the epitome of an open book. I'd even show the person my emotions *gasp* 0_0.

    My advice to you (even though you didn't exactly ask for it lol) would be to take his caution very, very seriously. DON'T mock him about it...worst thing you could possibly do. Think of his inner-self as a Holy Grail of sorts. Guarded by 1000 knights in shining armor...it's not unlikely than no one will ever see it. Of course, don't be more concerned about it than he is. That would be somewhat awkward lol.

    The odds are that he'll be presenting you with opportunities to "earn his trust". No matter what he says during the "test", what he's really saying is "Here's my heart ...what will you do with it?". Here's a little tip about (at least some) INFJ guys. We have the ability to shield our hearts from unwanted damage (you'd be amazed). But when we let our shields down with someone we feel close to, we're actually relatively "fragile" =/. That doesn't mean our outer-"shield" is just an act though. We are really that strong. Ha, we're a walking paradox.

    EDIT IN: My need to keep my inner-self "private" is exactly why I don't share my Enneagram even on the internet =).
    I don't have a picture up so...here's my youtube with me doing all sorts of crazy martial arts flips and kicks....=D.

    http://www.youtube.com/dashblades

  6. #6
    o edward cullen! Ardea's Avatar
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    Why would they feel a need to hide it?
    Practice random kindness and senseless acts of beauty.

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  7. #7
    Member Dash's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by FemmeUrbane View Post
    Why would they feel a need to hide it?
    I'll use myself as an exmaple.

    Throughout my entire life, I've been literally SURROUNDED by people...especially girls & women who just love to torment me, mentally (though there have been a few guys). Whether it be getting a thrill about keeping a very "big" secret from me, or mocking me for no apparent reason, they just can't get enough of it.

    I one of my theories is that my non-masculine masculineness has something to do with it. To have it make any sense what so ever...let's just say I'm masculine in the same way that Jesus was (not Christian...just using him as an example). I consider my forgiveness & love for pretty much anyone my greatest strength (or in the top 3). Not only that, but I don't easily take offense. Even by people who outright try to hurt me.

    To connect the dots between those two paragraphs, I think that at least for me, I become a semi-unintentional 'mental-punching bag'. When people lash out, they usually expect that they'll get at least some recoil back. With me though, I don't give them that recoil. I don't even get/feel angry with them at all. Instead, I help them talk it out, give them sympathy for whatever made them "lash" out, etc. Which in turn, instills the thought/semi-pathology that says "Oh, Brian doesn't get angry at me if I get angry at him...I can use him as a vent!".

    And as you can imagine, that becomes a pattern with many people I meet. Even my own family. Thus producing a hardening of myself. I am however, working on correcting that and giving more "push back" even if I don't feel the need to lol. There is another cause that I'm aware of though.

    The inner-world of the INFJ is interesting to say the least. So interesting, that it must be understood all at "once"...otherwise, it's like reading a half-complete theory on the nature of existance. Thoughout my life, I've made the mistake of letting people hear bits & pieces that can ONLY be heard with the complete story behind them. As a result of that + some odd process in which people get a thrill out of putting me down, a lot of semi-deep feelings/thoughts that I've shared backfire on me pretty baddly.

    That goes back to my last post in which I talk about letting people in that I "trust". The biggest mistake was trusting most people...which I truly can't (and by trust...I mean share a DEEP bond with). 'Tis why I only shared my Enneagram with a very few & selected individuals.

    I'm aware that my post sounded extremely "pesimistic/biased" about people at large...but I'm actually not. I'm pretty much willing to give anyone a chance. Unfortunately though, to see my inner-most being requires a high-classification-rank =). Wish it weren't that way =/. My Fe wants to share EVERYTHING (like I was saying in my last post)!

    So yeah...lol. That's even the shortened version 0_0. Consider it a bird's-eye view into the mind/perceptions of an INFJ lol. And also, sorry for the extreme length. All you did was ask a small question lol =P.
    Last edited by Dash; 12-25-2008 at 01:36 AM. Reason: Added small changes...just correcting typos =)
    I don't have a picture up so...here's my youtube with me doing all sorts of crazy martial arts flips and kicks....=D.

    http://www.youtube.com/dashblades

  8. #8
    Senior Member Silent Stars's Avatar
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    Yeah, that about sums it up.

    I myself have been quite tormented my whole life up until I was kicked out of my house earlier on this year because my mom didn't like the music I listen to (even though I only listen to it with my earphones and nobody else hears it); she thought it was bringing demons into the house just by the cds being there (I listen to a lot of Satanic metal...and by that, I mean stuff that is not a joke, like Deathspell Omega.). (She is of the conservative fundamental evangelical Christian persuasion....ugh.) I'm so glad to finally get away from that negative environment (especially after she remarried, stuff went very downhill after that). School was terrible as well....constant torture that didn't even go away in high school; it just got more subversive. The one year I spent at college was a really bad experience as well, and led me into a very bad depression (I eventually ended up flunking out....I was at Purdue University, wanted to major in physics.).

  9. #9
    Member Dash's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Silent Stars View Post
    Yeah, that about sums it up.

    I myself have been quite tormented my whole life up until I was kicked out of my house earlier on this year because my mom didn't like the music I listen to (even though I only listen to it with my earphones and nobody else hears it); she thought it was bringing demons into the house just by the cds being there (I listen to a lot of Satanic metal...and by that, I mean stuff that is not a joke, like Deathspell Omega.). (She is of the conservative fundamental evangelical Christian persuasion....ugh.) I'm so glad to finally get away from that negative environment (especially after she remarried, stuff went very downhill after that). School was terrible as well....constant torture that didn't even go away in high school; it just got more subversive. The one year I spent at college was a really bad experience as well, and led me into a very bad depression (I eventually ended up flunking out....I was at Purdue University, wanted to major in physics.).

    !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!

    That's exactly me!!!!!!!!! My Mother thinks that the music I listen to in private remotely affects the entire family. God it's sick =/. Oddly though, my Mother does it via Metaphysics. Though, she did used to be a fundamentalist Baptist (the no rock beat kind).

    Heh, sorry for being off topic =/. I can DEFINITELY relate to you though *emapthy* =(.
    I don't have a picture up so...here's my youtube with me doing all sorts of crazy martial arts flips and kicks....=D.

    http://www.youtube.com/dashblades

  10. #10
    Sniffles
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    Yeah I can verify the accuracy of that description. Heck marmalade even wrote a post here detailing those traits of me. :redface:

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