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  1. #1
    Queen hunter Virtual ghost's Avatar
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    Default Hurting feelings of other people

    I have one question for NFs (and SFs) I know that I made one similar thread here not so long ago but I think this one will be more to the point.


    I know that it is not OK to hurt peoples feeling, especially on purpose.


    But to me it looks that there is a fear or even paranoia that you will hurt someone. I know that when I talk to someone, they can say things like "But that could hurt his/her feelings!" about the third party.


    Why do you so much care not to hurt someone, that you will even put some bigger things in a risky situation?

    Do you do it because you know how would you feel in their situation and base desicion on that?

    Why would you find nonemotional reaction in highly emotion situations disturbing? From what I have seen Fs have this tendency and exactly in this kind of situations you can see how much T I am.

  2. #2
    Boring old fossil Night's Avatar
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    While not within the type parameters you're looking for, I can tell you that I would prefer to not hurt the feelings of others -- irrespective of their relationship to me.

    Empathy is a description of the psychological extent to which the individual recognizes the suffering of others. Compassion, the description of physical behavior one enacts as a result of empathetic pain. The difference is in how one decides to act.

    I dislike feeling pain. I imagine others share this perspective. Therefore, I will work to avoid unnecessarily inflicting pain on others, as I desire others to avoid unnecessarily inflicting pain upon me.

  3. #3
    にゃん runvardh's Avatar
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    I'm finding less and less reason to apologize and my incidence of causing acidental spills are staying about the same. I figure the less I bow the less people will expect me to. I still need to work on myself though; I still have too many emotional knee jerk reactions for my liking.

    When it comes to a highly emotional situation and someone is seemingly non-emotional, I think it would be a comfort for me than anything else. It's when they start ribbing on the other people who are worse off than me that gets me mad; but that's typically out of not wanting to hear about it. Got enough drama in the air, don't need more, and it tends to be both parties that draw my ire, then.
    Dreams are best served manifest and tangible.

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    I accept no responsibility, what so ever, for the fact that I exist; I do, however, accept full responsibility for what I do while I exist.

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  4. #4
    Senior Member quietmusician's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by runvardh View Post
    When it comes to a highly emotional situation and someone is seemingly non-emotional, I think it would be a comfort for me than anything else. It's when they start ribbing on the other people who are worse off than me that gets me mad; but that's typically out of not wanting to hear about it. Got enough drama in the air, don't need more, and it tends to be both parties that draw my ire, then.
    Same here. I loathe drama.

  5. #5
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    i'm usually pretty concerned with hurting someone's feelings and i don't like to witness others getting their feelings hurt either and really can't help but stick up for someone if i feel they were hurt or treated poorly in any way...i can't explain that. it's just instinct. i am unbelievably polite to everyone always. it doesn't matter how well or how long i've known you. it's important to me to treat people with respect and consideration and to communicate effectively...but...the opposite of that is my sense of humor...i can play mean or talk shit or whatever with my friends..and i don't worry about hurting their feelings in this context nor do i easily get my feelings hurt....and i joke a lot.

    so...situations where i would be concerned about someone's feelings getting hurt would be first miscommunication...was i joking and they didn't get it and just thought i was being mean? so...i would try to clear that up and aplogize.

    another one would be...if someone was talking down to someone else...that bothers me quite a lot. i think people deserve to be talked to as equals.

    or..if someone was being dismissive...that feels disrespectful and i think everyone deserves better then that.

    or...someone not being open and listening as much as talking...discussions should be two way.

    so basically for me it just comes down to basic manners and treating people respectfully.
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
    -Jim Morrison

  6. #6
    Senior Member Nighthawk's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by quietmusician View Post
    Same here. I loathe drama.
    Likewise. Drama shuts me down like a light switch. All I can think about is escaping. I no longer think of not hurting feelings, only of getting away. Other than that, I am often cautious to a fault not to hurt people. I've learned through extensive trial and error what is, and what is not, appropriate ... usually in terms of the spoken word.

  7. #7
    にゃん runvardh's Avatar
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    Well, the other thing is, I don't want other people to deal with my drama either! I actually get bitched at for disapearing to keep everyone from having to deal with it. At that point I let them know to either deal with it or get their nose out of my business. Problem solvers are great afterward, but that's afterward.
    Dreams are best served manifest and tangible.

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    I accept no responsibility, what so ever, for the fact that I exist; I do, however, accept full responsibility for what I do while I exist.

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  8. #8
    Senior Member Nonsensical's Avatar
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    I always feel that I'm hurting someones feelings one way or another..but people tell me that others aren't always as sensative as me. It drives me crazy..
    Is it that by its indefiniteness it shadows forth the heartless voids and immensities of the universe, and thus stabs us from behind with the thought of annihilation, when beholding the white depths of the milky way?

  9. #9
    Senior Member Sunshine's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Antisocial one View Post


    Why do you so much care not to hurt someone, that you will even put some bigger things in a risky situation?

    Anyone with a brain looks at the whole pictue and acts accordingly.


    As for the other things you said... it's called consideration, compassion, sympathy, and empathy. Most of us would see that as beautiful, admirable and generally a good thing.

  10. #10
    Occasional Member Evan's Avatar
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    Any mature person would know not to sacrifice the long-term for a short-term illusion of contentment.

    I could say "Ts are too unconcerned with feelings; they sacrifice potential good relationships (defined by mutual benefit) because they resent the reality that all people have feelings."

    Gotta find a balance. Too blunt and you push people away (which is really just being scared of relationships). Too gentile and you create false relationships (which is also being scared -- scared of getting too close to someone).

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