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  1. #11
    Senior Member Sunshine's Avatar
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    lol. Yeah Eavan said it better.

    Any mature person knows to do what's best in the long run even if it requires sacrifices in the present.

  2. #12
    Systematic chaos Cenomite's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Nighthawk View Post
    Likewise. Drama shuts me down like a light switch. All I can think about is escaping. I no longer think of not hurting feelings, only of getting away. Other than that, I am often cautious to a fault not to hurt people. I've learned through extensive trial and error what is, and what is not, appropriate ... usually in terms of the spoken word.
    Just joining all the people who hate drama. That's a sure-fire way to set me off.

    I'm usually not necessarily worried about hurting others feelings, but worried that they'll take something I say the wrong way. I don't like hurting people's feelings unless I mean to (which isn't very often). I always try and make sure that people know I'm joking so they don't take it the wrong way.

  3. #13
    DoubleplusUngoodNonperson
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    But to me it looks that there is a fear or even paranoia that you will hurt someone.
    I've had this happen to me before and quite frankly it pisses me off. An INFP I used to have a thing for absolutely refuses to tell me that she's not moved on cuz she "doesn't want a relationship right now". highly unlikely as she's the cutest, ditziest blonde you could ever meet!

    And it's like i've told her straight up, yanno its great if you did find someone... and it's true because she's just the kind of woman that almost NEEDS to be in a relationship to be stable at all. (bipolar and really up and down)

    Way, way overprotective (I like how you say even Paranoid) about the emotions of others.... just hit me with the truth we both already know! shit :P

  4. #14
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    Echoing what others have said.. but from a purely practical perspective

    If I disregard someone's feelings just so that I can enjoy the convenience of being able to communicate directly with them, they're not going to be around me for very long. If they've got potential to be a long-term resource in my life, I'm going against my greater goals if I just communicate bluntly to them all the time without personalizing what I say first.

    Thus, I can imagine being afraid of losing someone and overcompensating when trying to take their feelings into account.. a certain paranoia. I've certainly been there before.

    Don't get me wrong.. empathy also plays into it for me, but to a lesser degree.

  5. #15
    Queen hunter Virtual ghost's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sunshine View Post
    Anyone with a brain looks at the whole pictue and acts accordingly.


    As for the other things you said... it's called consideration, compassion, sympathy, and empathy. Most of us would see that as beautiful, admirable and generally a good thing.
    Quote Originally Posted by Evan View Post
    Any mature person would know not to sacrifice the long-term for a short-term illusion of contentment.

    I could say "Ts are too unconcerned with feelings; they sacrifice potential good relationships (defined by mutual benefit) because they resent the reality that all people have feelings."

    Gotta find a balance. Too blunt and you push people away (which is really just being scared of relationships). Too gentile and you create false relationships (which is also being scared -- scared of getting too close to someone).
    This is interesting since I think that sacrifice of other persons feeling is a good thing if by doing it you are moving toward a long term objectives.


    What I am tring to say it that sometimes this is the only way to get a job done. Yes it is brutal in a way but both sides will have some benefit in the end. I prefer not to be too blunt since that could decrease the chance of sucess and create long term problems.

  6. #16
    12 and a half weeks BerberElla's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Antisocial one View Post
    Why do you so much care not to hurt someone, that you will even put some bigger things in a risky situation?

    Do you do it because you know how would you feel in their situation and base desicion on that?
    Yes, I do it because I know how I would feel in their shoes, I hate feeling emotional hurt and if I can protect someone against that I will try my hardest, even so far as putting myself in miserable situations that cause me emotional pain, I mean less so now because now I try to protect myself first, but I used to be overly sacrificing to protect anothers emotions.

    At least now I know that some people can handle it better than I can, so I can step back and place more value on my own feelings these days.


    Why would you find nonemotional reaction in highly emotion situations disturbing? From what I have seen Fs have this tendency and exactly in this kind of situations you can see how much T I am.
    I have to admit, before type awareness I did used to think "how can that person be so cold about this" in a situation that was emotionally charged. I wish I knew then what I know now because I would have kept some freinds who came off as cold, because I would have understood why they did it better.

    Now I find myself explaining their behaviour to others who are baffled when they see it, and making them aware that some people process emotions differently.

    It has really helped me to understand that behaviour which actually protects me from feeling unnecessary emotional hurt myself.

    This crazy world of feelings huh?
    Echo - "So are you trying to say she is Evil"

    DeWitt - "Something far worse, she's an Idealist"

    Berb's Johari Berb's Nohari

  7. #17
    Occasional Member Evan's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Antisocial one View Post
    This is interesting since I think that sacrifice of other persons feeling is a good thing if by doing it you are moving toward a long term objectives.


    What I am tring to say it that sometimes this is the only way to get a job done. Yes it is brutal in a way but both sides will have some benefit in the end. I prefer not to be too blunt since that could decrease the chance of sucess and create long term problems.
    If it's the only way to get the job done (and the job is important), you're weak not to do it.

    I don't think any NFs will disagree with this.

    I think we have the same stance, just a bit of a different strategy. I probably try much harder than you do to cater to the feelings of others because I know that it puts me in a better situation in the long term (it makes them more likely to want to do things for me).

  8. #18

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    I believe NFs are actually better at hurting feelings than Ts. Ts tend to hurt feelings by being insensitive and stuff, but with NFs feeling is more their domain. It's like comparing a knight approaching with a sword to a child approaching with one. The child might be scary because they aren't used to wielding a sword, and have little respect for the rules of battle, but if the knight is angry I know which one I would rather.
    Freude, schöner Götterfunken Tochter aus Elysium, Wir betreten feuertrunken, Himmlische, dein Heiligtum! Deine Zauber binden wieder Was die Mode streng geteilt; Alle Menschen werden Brüder, Wo dein sanfter Flügel weilt.

  9. #19
    Occasional Member Evan's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by noigmn View Post
    I believe NFs are actually better at hurting feelings than Ts. Ts tend to hurt feelings by being insensitive and stuff, but with NFs feeling is more their domain. It's like comparing a knight approaching with a sword to a child approaching with one. The child might be scary because they aren't used to wielding a sword, and have little respect for the rules of battle, but if the knight is angry I know which one I would rather.
    True true.

    Although I wouldn't use such a strong analogy...

  10. #20
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    Quote Originally Posted by noigmn View Post
    I believe NFs are actually better at hurting feelings than Ts. Ts tend to hurt feelings by being insensitive and stuff, but with NFs feeling is more their domain. It's like comparing a knight approaching with a sword to a child approaching with one. The child might be scary because they aren't used to wielding a sword, and have little respect for the rules of battle, but if the knight is angry I know which one I would rather.
    Not only can you actually control your sword and aim straight for the heart, you can also get the opposing knight to shed his armor to make the job even easier.

    You guys know how to get people to become vulnerable and open up to you instantly, somehow.

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