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  1. #11
    Senior Member Travo7's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by dee View Post
    Anyone else feel this way?

    You know, why do I need an online test to tell me who I am?
    What the he**?
    Why is it that I often feel that I am being someone else, and not just being me? (which is?)

    I mean I have some pretty concrete ideas and ideals, but I have to keep reminding myself, "you see you are 1) xyz 2) abc, etc"

    Why, why?

    Yes, I feel this way. When you say you "have to keep reminding yourself..." are you saying that the fact that you strive to do so is in some way inauthentic?

  2. #12
    4x9 cascadeco's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by dee View Post
    Anyone else feel this way?

    You know, why do I need an online test to tell me who I am?
    What the he**?
    Why is it that I often feel that I am being someone else, and not just being me? (which is?)

    I mean I have some pretty concrete ideas and ideals, but I have to keep reminding myself, "you see you are 1) xyz 2) abc, etc"

    Why, why?
    I've definitely felt this way at times.

    As for the online tests...at least for myself, at times in the past they've provided me with a window and an 'explanation' as to why I am the way I am, and provided a group I felt I could belong to, and on the negative side, provided me with a scapegoat/excuse for my behavior, as if it was something set in stone that was unchangeable...but I only think it's unchangeable if you want it to be unchangeable. People can always work on themselves.

    Then sometimes I realize that none of it really matters anyway, and perhaps identity is something that can shift over time, as you see fit. It doesn't have to be a solid rock that is constantly the same, and that's rigid - it can be molded. And that's something that everyone's going to have their own opinion on - is identity/personality something you want to preserve, and do you want set traits that always remain as is, that are easily definable and that you can always go back to, or are you ok with modifying things as you go and being ok with not having a strong sense of self, in the "I am X, Y, and Z, all of the time." Actually I think it's a bit of both -- there are things about ourselves that will always remain the same, and that will never change, but I think there's more room for flexing than we give ourselves credit for, or allow ourselves to achieve. Personality systems can be great frameworks for giving you general traits in who you might me, but they can be limiting if you hold too hard onto those definitions. Maybe it's OK to have a mishmash of contradictions - that's human. The only reason it seems to be NOT OK is when you try to match that up with one of 16, or 20, or whatever, systems. That's the only time you start questioning.

    As for often feeling you're being someone else or not being true to yourself, well....yeah, that comes and goes for me. Probably depends on how prone you are to accommodating others in real life. I have the accommodating tendency, which now that I'm aware of try to keep in check. So yeah, at times I'll suddenly realize that I'm not being 'ME' as much as I want to be, or should be, and then I take a step back and reassess everything and find more solidity again.
    "...On and on and on and on he strode, far out over the sands, singing wildly to the sea, crying to greet the advent of the life that had cried to him." - James Joyce

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  3. #13
    Senor Membrane
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jennifer View Post
    I think our biggest and most unique contribution in life to others is ourselves; and if we're constantly crushing it or trying to be someone we're not, we're not contributing all we could be.
    Damn, you always know to say what I should have said!!! What is wrong with you!?

    Yeah, but seriously, that thing you said back there, I have so often thought of that. It isn't selfish to be what you are, since if you aren't, then what is it that you have to give?

  4. #14
    Senior Member ThatsWhatHeSaid's Avatar
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    Who am I? is the deepest question you can ask in Buddhist practice. The way you're asking it right now, I think the answer has to do with a need to understand one's reaction, gain control over them, feel unique, and feel valued.

    Moved to Personal Threads.

  5. #15
    @.~*virinaĉo*~.@ Totenkindly's Avatar
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    Hi Cascade!

    Quote Originally Posted by nolla View Post
    Damn, you always know to say what I should have said!!! What is wrong with you!?
    I'm a brat.

    Yeah, but seriously, that thing you said back there, I have so often thought of that. It isn't selfish to be what you are, since if you aren't, then what is it that you have to give?
    I think the problem is that being who we are sometimes means we have to step on other people's toes and not meet their expectations.

    If we disagree on the validity of the expectations, then some people see the choice as selfish while others will not. And sometimes people have entered into relationships being someone other than who they are, which will stunt the relationship and growth potential... and there's not always a way to set things right without having to renegotiate or perhaps even dissolve the relationship if an agreement cannot be reached.

    (So the same choices can seem legitimately selfish to one group of people, while legitimately unselfish to another.)

    Getting back to the OP... some people just naturally mirror and adjust in order to deepen and maintain relationship. Unfortunately, in doing so, they lose part of themselves; they're constantly ignoring some parts of themselves in order to lessen potential friction and disagreement and to build consensus. (We can call that the "chameleon" thing if you want...)

    If you do that, you can't help it; in a weird way, that IS part of who you are. At the same time, there's a need to learn when not to chameleon to the surroundings; otherwise, you'll feel like a non-person eventually.
    "Hey Capa -- We're only stardust." ~ "Sunshine"

    “Pleasure to me is wonder—the unexplored, the unexpected, the thing that is hidden and the changeless thing that lurks behind superficial mutability. To trace the remote in the immediate; the eternal in the ephemeral; the past in the present; the infinite in the finite; these are to me the springs of delight and beauty.” ~ H.P. Lovecraft

  6. #16
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    Thanks everyone I really appreciate all your answers.

    because ur clinically insane? (just an idea)
    very funny...

    Yes, I feel this way. When you say you "have to keep reminding yourself..." are you saying that the fact that you strive to do so is in some way inauthentic?
    No, it is authentic, it's just when I get that mirroring feeling so strongly sometimes, it' like it's my way of reminding myself that I do have a self, opinions, values, etc, etc.

    Then sometimes I realize that none of it really matters anyway, and perhaps identity is something that can shift over time, as you see fit. It doesn't have to be a solid rock that is constantly the same, and that's rigid - it can be molded. And that's something that everyone's going to have their own opinion on - is identity/personality something you want to preserve, and do you want set traits that always remain as is, that are easily definable and that you can always go back to, or are you ok with modifying things as you go and being ok with not having a strong sense of self, in the "I am X, Y, and Z, all of the time." Actually I think it's a bit of both -- there are things about ourselves that will always remain the same, and that will never change, but I think there's more room for flexing than we give ourselves credit for, or allow ourselves to achieve. Personality systems can be great frameworks for giving you general traits in who you might me, but they can be limiting if you hold too hard onto those definitions. Maybe it's OK to have a mishmash of contradictions - that's human. The only reason it seems to be NOT OK is when you try to match that up with one of 16, or 20, or whatever, systems. That's the only time you start questioning.
    very good point, thanks

    I think i want to be myself but a part of me is scared, because I want others approval. damn!

    I am going to get over that one of these days, ( hopefully..)

  7. #17

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    Quote Originally Posted by EcK View Post
    because ur clinically insane? (just an idea)
    . Most entertaining post in the thread. I think I might become an ENTP, or at least an ENxP (if I'm not one already).
    Freude, schöner Götterfunken Tochter aus Elysium, Wir betreten feuertrunken, Himmlische, dein Heiligtum! Deine Zauber binden wieder Was die Mode streng geteilt; Alle Menschen werden Brüder, Wo dein sanfter Flügel weilt.

  8. #18
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    You are one if you find that extremely entertaining....

  9. #19
    IRL is not real Cimarron's Avatar
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    I get that feeling sometimes, too. Nothing wrong with pondering and searching. "Which part of me is the real me?" is something I wonder a lot. But it's probably all parts.

    Good luck to you finding your way.
    You can't spell "justice" without ISTJ.

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