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  1. #21
    Revelation Lauren Ashley's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by briochick View Post
    I feel like a weird infj now. I don't necessarily want that intensity (I've found men tend to interpret my intensity as a reason to become obsessed with me, and that equals being held down that that sends me running). I value my independence and if it's and 'intense' emotional connection or my independence I'm going to go with the latter. As long as my intellectual intensity is met and I'm not denied the truth of my own emotions I'm ok with a rather casual and jovial relationship.
    Why can't you have intensity and independence? I certainly don't like bossiness in a partner, but I don't think that intensity has to equal the person wanting to control my every movement.

    What is this "casual and jovial" relationship you speak of? I don't do casual in the general sense, but I'm not sure what you mean by casual here.

    Quote Originally Posted by sanveane View Post
    Actually, ime I think this is an area where an INTP can be great (not easily weirded out) as can an ISTJ. ISTJ seem to be able to stick with things.
    I think an INTJ with developed Fi would be very good, and not that uncommon amongst INTJs. I don't think I'd do well with the SJ temperament for long, but I'll keep an open mind.

  2. #22
    half-nut member briochick's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lauren Ashley View Post
    Why can't you have intensity and independence? I certainly don't like bossiness in a partner, but I don't think that intensity has to equal the person wanting to control my every movement.

    What is this "casual and jovial" relationship you speak of? I don't do casual in the general sense, but I'm not sure what you mean by casual here.
    Why can't I have the intensity and independence? Because no one will give it to me. Certainly not my choice. When there's a lack of intensity or commitment I've found that guys seem more willing to not ....accuse me of things.

    The casual and jovial is one where you know it's not going anywhere so you can actually have fun, and debate, and not worry about the other person getting so upset, and not getting upset yourself if they do. In that relationship you obviously don't have the promise that you (I?) want but at least it's something. Not that I don't want everything, I do, but I've found it's very unlikely that I'll get it,and while I don't want to be hopeless I do want to be practical. (note: nearly all of this is theoretical as my experience with romance is limited to three or four personal relationships and what I've seen of friends and relatives)
    Last edited by briochick; 12-21-2008 at 12:47 PM. Reason: bad typing
    -Brio

    "I have never in my life envied a human being who led an easy life; I have envied a great many people who led difficult lives and led them well."
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  3. #23
    Senior Member Anja's Avatar
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    This caught my eye, Brio. Do you know that independence is not given. It is taken. Yes!
    "No ray of sunshine is ever lost, but the green which it awakes into existence needs time to sprout, and it is not always granted to the sower to see the harvest. All work that is worth anything is done in faith." - Albert Schweitzer

  4. #24
    ish red no longer *sad* nightning's Avatar
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    Quiet humor.

    Offer that and see what happens.

  5. #25
    half-nut member briochick's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Anja View Post
    This caught my eye, Brio. Do you know that independence is not given. It is taken. Yes!
    Yes, well, can you explain that a little more thoroughly?
    -Brio

    "I have never in my life envied a human being who led an easy life; I have envied a great many people who led difficult lives and led them well."
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  6. #26
    violaine
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lauren Ashley View Post
    Why can't you have intensity and independence? I certainly don't like bossiness in a partner, but I don't think that intensity has to equal the person wanting to control my every movement.

    What is this "casual and jovial" relationship you speak of? I don't do casual in the general sense, but I'm not sure what you mean by casual here.

    I think an INTJ with developed Fi would be very good, and not that uncommon amongst INTJs. I don't think I'd do well with the SJ temperament for long, but I'll keep an open mind.
    Oh, I'm not necessarily recommending ISTJ for INFJ! I was just saying the INFJ 'intensity' doesn't seem to scare them. It didn't work out for me in the end.

    (Not directed to me but I don't do casual in relationships either despite my best efforts. I think you can have both intensity and independence.)

  7. #27
    Revelation Lauren Ashley's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by briochick View Post
    The casual and jovial is one where you know it's not going anywhere...
    Not going anywhere?! :sad: I always measure the long-term potential of a relationship. I would never enter a relationship that I feel would not go anywhere or stay in one after it's revealed to me that the relationship is heading in that direction.

    Oh, I guess that's a way to capture an INFJ's heart. Show her/him you're long-term material.


    Quote Originally Posted by nightning View Post
    Quiet humor.

    Offer that and see what happens.
    ...That too. I like that.

  8. #28
    half-nut member briochick's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lauren Ashley View Post
    Not going anywhere?! :sad: I always measure the long-term potential of a relationship. I would never enter a relationship that I feel would not go anywhere or stay in one after it's revealed to me that the relationship is heading in that direction.

    Oh, I guess that's a way to capture an INFJ's heart. Show her/him you're long-term material.
    hmmm, I guess I should have been more specific. In a relationship like that there's no chance of me sharing my heart. That I would only share in a long term relationship that had proved itself, and that's probably the only relationship I'd be happy in. I am an infj after all. Maybe it's like getting the mangy (sp?) cat from the dumpster rather than the healthy one from the pet shop. It'll never be quite right and it'll probably take off pretty soon but at least for a while you can pretend you have a cat of your own.

    And I do agree that showing yourself to be long-term material is a way to capture an infj's heart. Also, there's a forum about nfs or infjs (can't remember) and what they value in relationships, taking a look at that might help a lot too.
    -Brio

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  9. #29
    Temporal Mechanic. Lexicon's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lauren Ashley View Post
    Not going anywhere?! :sad: I always measure the long-term potential of a relationship. I would never enter a relationship that I feel would not go anywhere or stay in one after it's revealed to me that the relationship is heading in that direction.

    Oh, I guess that's a way to capture an INFJ's heart. Show her/him you're long-term material.
    I'd have to agree, though I also agree with brio's perspective on emotional intensity vs. personal independence.

    The relationship can have a casual/jovial feel to it, as long as we understand one another on most levels. Or strive to.

    Basically I believe we all need a balance in the relationship, which result in a very satisfying, mutual sort of intensity within the relationship dynamic.
    If we ourselves are at least, relatively balanced, that is.
    With INFJs, it may take a decent amount of time to reach that level of intimacy to begin with.
    03/23 06:06:58 EcK: lex
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    03/23 06:29:07 Lexicon: I was sleeping!



    04/25 04:20:35 Patches: Don't listen to lex. She wants to birth a litter of kittens. She doesnt get to decide whats creepy

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  10. #30
    Once Was Synarch's Avatar
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    This whole thread is INFJ bait. ENTP ftw.
    "Create like a god, command like a king, work like a slave."

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