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  1. #1
    Senior Member IrishStallion819's Avatar
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    Default Possible Reasons for INFJ & ESFJ's Bumping heads

    Right now, My mother and I are having many heated debates.. We never get anywhere in the conversation and MY mother always thinks shes right.. I just wonder from a PErsonality perspective: What are some possible reasons for us locking heads"? I've read many INFJ's having trrouble with EsFJ's, Especially if both are emoutionally unstable.
    "People often Find out the truth, when its too late!!!"

    Introverted (I) 78.79% Intuitive (N) 61.54% Feeling (F) 65.85% Judging (J) 60.53%

  2. #2
    Senior Member Chris_in_Orbit's Avatar
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    Well, my friend, you probably don't want to realize this...but INFJs can be just as stubborn as ESFJs. Conflicts only happen when neither of the two parties is willing to back down.

  3. #3
    Revelation Lauren Ashley's Avatar
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    One of my new acquaintances is a (confirmed) ESFJ. I like many things about him, but we disagree on a lot. Here are some of the things we constantly argue about:

    -Religion. I couldn't care less about [organized] religion at the moment. He has said "I can't understand why someone wouldn't go to church and not pray before their meals," and generally looks sorrowfully upon those who are not Christians as "lost souls." He tries to encourage (well, force would be a better word) me to go to church with him and I feel it is not his place to do this. I try to explain to him why some people may not value religion as much as he does, but to no avail.

    -Introversion. He thinks introverts must be "depressed."

    -Bossiness/Smothering. He has taken upon the role of de facto mother to me and others, and this is greatly unappreciated the majority of the time.

    -Discussion. He mostly likes to discuss himself and other people and what they are doing/not doing. I like to discuss more intangible facets of life, but his eyes glaze over and he basically says "Who cares?"

    -Social Constructs. This is by far the biggest issue and is the source of all of them. He believes very much that there is a place for everyone and everything and that people should behave in a "proper" manner. I find him completely close-minded and shallow in this arena.

    There's more, but I think that's enough. I think as time passes he will adjust himself to me and I to him, but those are some of the problems we run into as of now.

  4. #4
    Sniffles
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    Quote Originally Posted by IrishStallion819 View Post
    MY mother always thinks shes right..
    That's true of ALL mothers, regardless of type.

  5. #5
    Senior Member Kestrel's Avatar
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    I get along with most types, but sometimes I suffer from "over exposure" if I'm forced to be around certain ones for extended periods of time. This is definitely one of those types.

    One of my coworkers, who is ESFJ, is always telling stories, making jokes, telling people "the best" way to do things. His powerful Fe makes it so that he practically overpowers everyone else in the room with his intensity. Either you follow along or get out of the way.

    He's fun to be around in more neutral situations, but it's really tiring if I'm captive and forced to listen to his endless stories and absolute advice. Especially when it's reinforced by loud, exhausting-to-be-around Fe.
    I-44 N-88 F-62 J-67

    A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty. -Winston Churchill

  6. #6
    Senior Member Kyrielle's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by IrishStallion819 View Post
    Right now, My mother and I are having many heated debates.. We never get anywhere in the conversation and MY mother always thinks shes right.. I just wonder from a PErsonality perspective: What are some possible reasons for us locking heads"? I've read many INFJ's having trrouble with EsFJ's, Especially if both are emoutionally unstable.
    Trust me, you won't stop locking heads from time to time until you move away. It's what mothers and sons/daughters do. And even then, when you come home, she'll be just what she is--a mother--and become a little smothering until she adjusts and remembers you're not a little child anymore (though you'll always be her little boy/girl).

    Are you near the point of leaving for a while? Or have you just come home? That usually causes a lot of tension between us. Mostly because she, realising I'm about to leave, wants to spend a lot of time with me even if that means trying to micromanage just about everything I do for a little bit. She gets a little controlling, and she really doesn't realise she's doing it unless I remind her. Once I leave, everything's gravy and all our talks on the phone/e-mails are relaxed. And with coming home, after a week, things settle down.

    Fwiw, my mother is probably an ESFJ as well.
    "I took the one less traveled by,
    And that has made all the difference."

    Robert Frost

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