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  1. #1
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    Default Feeling terrible whenever I make a mistake

    What can be the deep rooted reason for an NF to feel terrible whenever they make a mistake?
    Why do I feel the need to be perfect or else...

    I get such a bad feeling whenever I make a mistake, especially if someone is being hostile to me because of it.

    It's the worst feeling, I just feel like "I am a terrible person" mantra going through my head. What is that?

    How can I get rid of that automatically coming up and feeling that way?

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    Senior Member PinkIceTD's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by dee View Post
    What can be the deep rooted reason for an NF to feel terrible whenever they make a mistake?
    Why do I feel the need to be perfect or else...

    I get such a bad feeling whenever I make a mistake, especially if someone is being hostile to me because of it.

    It's the worst feeling, I just feel like "I am a terrible person" mantra going through my head. What is that?

    How can I get rid of that automatically coming up and feeling that way?
    I understand what you're saying. I don't like making major mistakes, especially on a job or at school because it sometimes feels like I've failed. Or that I've let someone (or myself) that was counting on/ believing in me down.

    But at the risk of sounding cliche, everyone makes mistakes. Without mistakes, you can't grow and become better or learn anything. So recognize, learn from and appreciate your mistakes and move on from them.

    Edit: Also, with you being a J, maybe mistakes bother you more because of their unplanned presence. I don't know, but don't be too hard on youself
    Quote Originally Posted by Synarch View Post
    I call it ENFP crazy eyes.
    "Love is not a product of reasonings and statistics. It just comes--none knows whence--and cannot explain itself." -Mark Twain, Eve's Diary

    "Laughter which cannot be suppressed is catching. Sooner or later it washes away our defences, and undermines our dignity, and we join in it -- ashamed of our weakness, and embittered against the cause of its exposure, but no matter, we have to join in, there is no help for it." Mark Twain

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    Once Was Synarch's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by dee View Post
    What can be the deep rooted reason for an NF to feel terrible whenever they make a mistake?
    Why do I feel the need to be perfect or else...

    I get such a bad feeling whenever I make a mistake, especially if someone is being hostile to me because of it.

    It's the worst feeling, I just feel like "I am a terrible person" mantra going through my head. What is that?

    How can I get rid of that automatically coming up and feeling that way?
    You may be relying too much on the validation of others. I guarantee you no one thinks you're a terrible person if you make a mistake. You're just human, like everyone else and you will occasionally make mistakes. I think it is also helpful to set reasonable expectations. It is so easy to blow things out of proportion.
    "Create like a god, command like a king, work like a slave."

  4. #4
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    NFs are about potentials. Especially when thinking about humans. The problem is that humans rarely live up to these potential. You should try to make a clear line between your mistakes and mistakes of other people or unforeseen consequences. You are responsible only up to a certain level. You have control only of the things you do willingly, so, from a certain perspective even your mistakes are not your fault. Except if you don't learn and keep repeating them.

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    12 and a half weeks BerberElla's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by nolla View Post
    NFs are about potentials. Especially when thinking about humans. The problem is that humans rarely live up to these potential. You should try to make a clear line between your mistakes and mistakes of other people or unforeseen consequences. You are responsible only up to a certain level. You have control only of the things you do willingly, so, from a certain perspective even your mistakes are not your fault. Except if you don't learn and keep repeating them.
    I need to learn this too, I just spend most of my time beating myself up over my mistakes, and other peoples mistakes that effect me, as if that was somehow under my control.

    I am a perfectionist that never achieves that perfection :steam:

    I can't answer the OP, but I will be keeping an eye on the replies too.
    Echo - "So are you trying to say she is Evil"

    DeWitt - "Something far worse, she's an Idealist"

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    Thanks everyone,
    yes I think I look to others to feel validated, as if without others approval I am not worth anything...

    So if I ever make a mistake, which of course I do from time to time, as I am human, I feel extremely vulnerable, as if the whole world or at least anyone that knows I have done this mistake, is now having a major conference, if what "they" have thought all along is true- i.e- dee relly is worthless!!! "Proof" so to speak...

    Ok, weird..., now that I realize that on a deeper level, what do I do, how can I stop the "viscious cycle?"

    I just want to be happy as myself and not need the validation of others ever.

    Advice for the first little step I (or others with the same problem) can take?

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    Quote Originally Posted by dee View Post
    Thanks everyone,
    yes I think I look to others to feel validated, as if without others approval I am not worth anything...

    So if I ever make a mistake, which of course I do from time to time, as I am human, I feel extremely vulnerable, as if the whole world or at least anyone that knows I have done this mistake, is now having a major conference, if what "they" have thought all along is true- i.e- dee relly is worthless!!! "Proof" so to speak...

    Ok, weird..., now that I realize that on a deeper level, what do I do, how can I stop the "viscious cycle?"

    I just want to be happy as myself and not need the validation of others ever.

    Advice for the first little step I (or others with the same problem) can take?

    LOL, you have to step back from your feelings and judge the situation objectively. Unfortunately, not an easy thing to do for an F (believe me, I know). Also, sometimes coz we're so caught up by the issue at hand, we just glare over this important step, coz we're in a hurry to redeem ourselves and fix the mistake. So, tell yourself to pause, step back and look at the situation before you go off trying to fix what you did. And good luck with it, it's easier said than done.
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    Senior Member aufs klo's Avatar
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    When I make a mistake, or something like that, I feel a need to pull back for the same reasons you've outlined. Not pulling back is sort of a backwards way of being okay with yourself; it puts you right back out there with others to validate yourself, and you can realize that even though you've done something wrong, people still like you, so you should still like yourself.
    What's up universe?

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    Quote Originally Posted by dee View Post
    What can be the deep rooted reason for an NF to feel terrible whenever they make a mistake?
    Why do I feel the need to be perfect or else...

    I get such a bad feeling whenever I make a mistake, especially if someone is being hostile to me because of it.

    It's the worst feeling, I just feel like "I am a terrible person" mantra going through my head. What is that?

    How can I get rid of that automatically coming up and feeling that way?
    I experience this too.

    What helps is talking to people that make the same mistakes.

    For example.. my sister broke one of our drinking glasses the other day. I felt like it was the end of the world, I even felt guilty by association (just listen how I'm describing the incident!).. and she's like "Don't tell anyone." and threw it away, and continued with her business.

    So.. fast forward one week. I'm doing the dishes and break one of my dad's wine glasses. I know that my sister has broken a glass before, so I just write a little note on the kitchen counter explaining my mistake (Because to go up to someone and say "er.. I broke your glass" would be next to impossible for me). And guess what? No one even mentioned it to me ever!

    And at work... it's so hard when you're new. You make mistakes every day and you feel like you are letting everyone down.. and then I talked to another new girl who has been working for several years in general, and she's like "You're gonna screw up at the beginning, but everyone does, and that's how you get to be an asset -- you learn from your mistakes."

    Anyway, my point is --- if you remember that you do not have to hold yourself to a higher standard (even though it is natural), and refuse to feel terrible about something, it can become a good habit. I'm getting good at unlearning my caring.

  10. #10
    almost half a doctor phoenix13's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by dee View Post
    What can be the deep rooted reason for an NF to feel terrible whenever they make a mistake?
    Why do I feel the need to be perfect or else...

    I get such a bad feeling whenever I make a mistake, especially if someone is being hostile to me because of it.

    It's the worst feeling, I just feel like "I am a terrible person" mantra going through my head. What is that?

    How can I get rid of that automatically coming up and feeling that way?
    This happens to me sometimes. I think it's because we have an idealized vision of ourselves, and whenever we do something that conflicts with that image, it calls everything into question: "If I am not that image of perfection, I must be something else... something lame and bad." When other people see our non-ideal self, you've got an additional layer of embarrassment to go with it along with corroboration for the conclusion that we're not ideal. That's my theory, at least.

    You can overcome this by accepting yourself for the imperfect being you are.
    ...good luck with that.

    "OMG I FEEEEEEEEEL SO INTENSELY ABOUT EVERYTHING OMG OMG OMG GET ME A XANAX" -Priam (ENFP impersonation)

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