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  1. #51
    Senior Member mochajava's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by lightsun View Post
    Yes, I feel terrible when I make a mistake. I am INFP. I suppose I could psycho analyze
    myself. My dad called me an idiot. Nothing I did was ever good enough. I just got negative
    reinforcement. I was never positively praised, good job, your smart et al. Why does the
    original thread in my life have to then keep replaying over and over in my lifetime.
    Has any NF come from a nurturing, & positive reinforcement family?
    Anyone want to discuss guilt over mistakes in the context of family? I came from an incredibly UNsupportive family who would (sometimes literally) beat you up for mistakes you made, then a few that you could possibly make / might have made, and in my Dad's case, that he imagined you'd made.

    Specific question to you all: has anyone (NF types, especially) experienced and overcome this? Or at least made some progress? What helped? What helps?

  2. #52
    Senior Member ThatsWhatHeSaid's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by mochajava View Post
    So happy you brought this up -- I was just thinking of it. The author is Tara Brach, and she has a fantastic weekly podcast. It's meditation, accepting yourself, and a lot of it helps you deal with being extremely self-critical (which most of us are, to varying degrees, and I am seeing that notion affirmed in this forum). The podcast is her weekly Dharma talk given to a group in Bethesda, MD and it is part Buddhism with some psychology thrown in. You might like it -- it's not cheesy and (just my opinion) feels more authentic than anything self-help and is free from new age lingo (again, adding my opinion in).
    I listen to them too on occasion. Her voice is a meditation tool itself. So soothing and light. Who else do you read/follow/learn from?

  3. #53
    Senior Member mochajava's Avatar
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    @xNTP - I hope I wrote this message such that it appeared as a reply for you. I'm new, so do feel free to give me pointers/tips about technically working this forum.

    Your question - reading/following/learning:
    -I love Robyn Posin and her writings. I've posted the link before, and it's Welcome to For The Little Ones Inside - Home Page I have a feeling she might be an INFJ with a very emotionally damaged Mom. Definitely a big old "I" and "F", oh, and she is a psychotherapist. She writes in a way that you can understand and relate to how she processes her experiences in a constructive way (difficult for me).
    -SARK - sarkplanet.com Her web presence doesn't offer much at all, but her books are motivating and happy and a good pick-me-up. She's a survivor of childhood sexual abuse, and - you guessed it - does therapy/workshops as well.

    How about you xNTP? Who do you keep up with? I find this forum very helpful too

  4. #54
    Senior Member ThatsWhatHeSaid's Avatar
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    I read buddhist texts, sutras, taoist writings, and books by meditation teachers like Kornfield and Ajahn Chah and lately Kapleau.

  5. #55
    Senior Member mochajava's Avatar
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    @xNTP Do you have a meditation routine?

  6. #56
    Senior Member ThatsWhatHeSaid's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by mochajava View Post
    @xNTP Do you have a meditation routine?
    Yes. I sit and see what's happening and look out for any urges to make "progress" and recognize them. I just try to be honest with what's happening with my body and feelings. When thought come up I know they're trying too distract me from honesty, so I tell them too STFU. 25 minutes every morning. You?

  7. #57
    Senior Member mochajava's Avatar
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    I keep starting and stopping. Earlier this summer I had one, now I just do "check-ins" during the day to look inward and see what needs tending to. I'm very into exercise though.

    And to remind myself to be honest. Too often I want to like someone/something and just DON'T -- that type of honesty with myself.

  8. #58
    Senior Member ThatsWhatHeSaid's Avatar
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    It's really annoying to sit down because my mind is usually racing at 130 mph, but I always feel grateful afterwards. You should try it for a week straight. I do the check-ins too pretty constantly. I'm glad you do too.

  9. #59
    Senior Member mochajava's Avatar
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    I think I will get back into meditation. Maybe it's just an area where I need externally-imposed discipline (that is, a group).

  10. #60
    Aspiring Troens Ridder KLessard's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by dee View Post
    What can be the deep rooted reason for an NF to feel terrible whenever they make a mistake?
    Why do I feel the need to be perfect or else...

    I get such a bad feeling whenever I make a mistake, especially if someone is being hostile to me because of it.

    It's the worst feeling, I just feel like "I am a terrible person" mantra going through my head. What is that?

    How can I get rid of that automatically coming up and feeling that way?
    I don't know if this will be any help, but this quote from Hermann Melville encourages me:

    "He who has never failed somewhere, that man can not be great."

    Making mistakes leads to greater maturity and wisdom. Mistakes have taught me so much. They teach you what theory cannot teach you. They also break your self-rightousness and lead you to true humility if you accept your responsibility.

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