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  1. #31
    Member Lozzy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by dee
    What can be the deep rooted reason for an NF to feel terrible whenever they make a mistake?
    Why do I feel the need to be perfect or else...

    I get such a bad feeling whenever I make a mistake, especially if someone is being hostile to me because of it.

    It's the worst feeling, I just feel like "I am a terrible person" mantra going through my head. What is that?

    How can I get rid of that automatically coming up and feeling that way?
    I recently made a mistake with someone close to me. I was insensitive with her, and she totally flew off the handle. She didn't talk to me for over a week. Looking back on the situation *rationally*, I can see it as an overreaction on her part, and everyone I know tells me the same thing. But I still can't shake the feeling of guilt and shame that I wasn't a better person. I am awful with conflict, and it really tore me apart. It's really tough to move past that stuff sometimes (I still play it over in my mind now, a month later ), but I guess I can only echo what other people have said earlier in the thread: we are all imperfect.

    Quote Originally Posted by Silence11
    NF's are the perfectionists of the world as I understand it.
    Oh God yes!
    Last edited by Lozzy; 12-23-2008 at 09:27 AM. Reason: Funky grammar
    We don't need reason and we don't need logic, 'cause we've got feeling and we're damn proud of it!

    Speeding Motorcycle - Daniel Johnston

  2. #32
    Senior Member ThatsWhatHeSaid's Avatar
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    I'm reading an awesome book now called Radical Acceptance. I think you'd like it. If anything, just read the first chapter at Barnes & Noble. It's a quick read, but really profound and illuminating.

  3. #33
    Senior Member ThatsWhatHeSaid's Avatar
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    Also moved from NF.

  4. #34
    Senior Member The Third Rider's Avatar
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    Ah yes the perfectionist syndrome I suffer from this sucker myself. Over the years i have worked to not have such irrational standards for both me and other people, heck even for "things" but its not easy. There are times that without really noticing it reality sort of slaps me in the face and I then realise "I did it again".
    ENFJ 3W4

    If you read this I am sorry to say that you just lost 5 seconds of your life that you wont be getting back.*

    *Actual time may vary.

  5. #35
    Senior Member Anja's Avatar
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    I was such a perfectionist in my thirties that I actually made it the theme of an approximately six week mini-therapy to try to get a handle on it.

    It was a failure!!!! I tried to rid myself of perfectionism perfectly, of course.

    Presently I've racked up enough mistakes in my life that I have been forced to let them go more easily or by now I'd have a pretty big bag of garbage on my shoulders.

    Yet, if I make a mistake, usually with my mouth, which causes hurt to someone that mistake still is difficult to accept.
    "No ray of sunshine is ever lost, but the green which it awakes into existence needs time to sprout, and it is not always granted to the sower to see the harvest. All work that is worth anything is done in faith." - Albert Schweitzer

  6. #36
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    Quote Originally Posted by dee View Post
    Thanks everyone,
    yes I think I look to others to feel validated, as if without others approval I am not worth anything...

    So if I ever make a mistake, which of course I do from time to time, as I am human, I feel extremely vulnerable, as if the whole world or at least anyone that knows I have done this mistake, is now having a major conference, if what "they" have thought all along is true- i.e- dee relly is worthless!!! "Proof" so to speak...

    Ok, weird..., now that I realize that on a deeper level, what do I do, how can I stop the "viscious cycle?"

    I just want to be happy as myself and not need the validation of others ever.

    Advice for the first little step I (or others with the same problem) can take?
    'Freedom From The Ties That Bind' by Guy Finlely. Check it out at your library. This book helped me sooooooo much! I don't suffer like I did before when I make mistakes, and I don't beat myself up anymore.

  7. #37
    Badoom~ Skyward's Avatar
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    I definitely feel this, but really only when it's when I'm working with another person or their items.

    The time I remember the best, for obvious reasons, is when I accidently completely ruined the passenger side door and passenger rearview mirror on the car my dad lets me use all the time. I felt so bad about it, thankfully my parents are the silly supporting type: "Well your cousin ((ENTP)) totaled his first car." or "Well at least you did this at home with one of our cars and not out and about or with someone else's car."

    Come to find out that when we got to that cousin's house, his new car had both rearview mirrors broken (one by him, the other by his mom). I finally felt complete relief over the incident. It doesn't help that my INTP friend doesn't trust my driving anymore...
    'Imperfection is beauty, madness is genius and its better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring.' - Marilyn Monroe

    This is who I am, escapist, paradise-seeker.
    -Nightwish

    Anthropology Major out of Hamline University. St. Paul, Minnesota.

  8. #38
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    Quote Originally Posted by Anja View Post
    Yet, if I make a mistake, usually with my mouth, which causes hurt to someone that mistake still is difficult to accept.
    I've become so careful about this, and I'm not likely to gossip as well, but I'll be damned for doing it yesterday...jeeze!! I was in a store and I know a few people that work there. I inquired if someone I knew was still working there but was told she had quit. I knew she didn't like her boss, so I asked if she had quit because of the boss. Who do you suppose was right behind me when I said that!

  9. #39
    Senior Member lightsun's Avatar
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    Default feeling terrible

    Yes, I feel terrible when I make a mistake. I am INFP. I suppose I could psycho analyze
    myself. My dad called me an idiot. Nothing I did was ever good enough. I just got negative
    reinforcement. I was never positively praised, good job, your smart et al. Why does the
    original thread in my life have to then keep replaying over and over in my lifetime.
    Has any NF come from a nurturing, & positive reinforcement family?

  10. #40
    Senior Member Sparrow's Avatar
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    I feel like crap when I mess up too. I thought to myself one day, why do I care so much about what other people think, I guessed that it was a learned behavior from my child hood. I remember playing outside as a child, coming home with a scraped arm, i got no kisses to make it better...instead I got a scolding. Made me not want to screw up anymore....I wanted to please my mom.

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