User Tag List

First 12345 Last

Results 21 to 30 of 62

  1. #21
    Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    MBTI
    INFP
    Posts
    61

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by phoenix13 View Post
    This happens to me sometimes. I think it's because we have an idealized vision of ourselves, and whenever we do something that conflicts with that image, it calls everything into question: "If I am not that image of perfection, I must be something else... something lame and bad." When other people see our non-ideal self, you've got an additional layer of embarrassment to go with it along with corroboration for the conclusion that we're not ideal. That's my theory, at least.

    You can overcome this by accepting yourself for the imperfect being you are.
    ...good luck with that.
    NF's are the perfectionists of the world as I understand it. I agree with what's being said here. It's the dark side of demanding perfection... that nothing quite measures up, including yourself. Therefore I think NF's in general probably tend to be hard on themselves, though I think that it's more likely to be found in INF's who are naturally more reflective.

    This strikes a cord for me personally just because I have been an awful critic of myself in the past - totally, unrealistically intollerant of shortcomings. It's something that I have tried to work on.

  2. #22
    Senior Member Nonsensical's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    MBTI
    ENFP
    Enneagram
    4
    Posts
    4,010

    Default

    I guess I'm kind of use to making mistakes, because I make quite a bit of them, but I think that they don't hurt me, and I don't mind being wrong or making mistakes. I feel that it will help me to become more wise.
    Is it that by its indefiniteness it shadows forth the heartless voids and immensities of the universe, and thus stabs us from behind with the thought of annihilation, when beholding the white depths of the milky way?

  3. #23
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    MBTI
    INFJ
    Posts
    408

    Default

    Sometimes I do something that isn't technically a mistake, but after I do it, I learn that other people wish I'd have done it differently. Then I feel guilty that I didn't please the other person/people, and annoyed that they didn't tell me HOW to please them from the beginning.

    I have to keep reminding myself that I must allow people to disagree with me and be okay with it. We aren't all the same, celebrate the differences, etc., etc. In other words, the effect of not someone not being pleased is a result of our differences (which can be a good thing), not of my general insufficiencies.

  4. #24
    movin melodies kiddykat's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2008
    MBTI
    ENFP
    Enneagram
    4, 7
    Socionics
    IEE
    Posts
    1,115

    Default

    I think it's b/c we tend to expect a lot from ourselves, and feel REALLY guilty when we let others down because of our own mistakes.

    It's good to say: "It's okay. I'm only human. We're imperfect."

    If we were perfect, we would be robots. Even robots have malfunctions, deviations and shelf life.

  5. #25
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    Posts
    411

    Default

    this is a post by who I suspect to be an ENFJ blogger related to validation. interesting post+comments.
    Validation | ::HorsePigCow:: marketing uncommon

    this is the youtube video she embeds in her post:
    [youtube=Cbk980jV7Ao]Validation[/youtube]

  6. #26
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    MBTI
    Enfj
    Enneagram
    2+1
    Socionics
    ?
    Posts
    136

    Default

    That video was great.. . absolutely funny.


    NF's are the perfectionists of the world as I understand it. I agree with what's being said here. It's the dark side of demanding perfection... that nothing quite measures up, including yourself. Therefore I think NF's in general probably tend to be hard on themselves, though I think that it's more likely to be found in INF's who are naturally more reflective.
    Totally, I am such a perfectionist, I hate it, I just want to be happy with me, and all of me, ok so I can get angry sometimes, this problem with myself makes me hate me sometimes...
    I just have to be more tolerant of myself, and I'm sure it would help me be more tolerant of other people's (especially close family's) shortcomings....
    I think when I see shortcomings in my family, I feel like it's my fault they are this way.

    I mean it's true to a certain extent, especially with our children, but besides conditioning we have to realize that kids have their own personality, and he or she would have been (for example) more tend to pessimism no matter how we would have raised them..

    Anyway, Lets all try to"embrace" our imperfections or mistakes, we are still great!

    To whoever that sounds ridiculous, thats especially for you (and me) !

  7. #27
    Senior Member ThatsWhatHeSaid's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2007
    MBTI
    INTP
    Enneagram
    5w4
    Posts
    7,233

    Default

    I think it's VERY VERY normal to feel all of what you described. I think it would be called shame, which is common too. One way I have started to work with shame is to assess what led to the deficiency in character objectively, to see that there were factors beyond my control that led to who I today. Maybe it'd work for you too.

  8. #28
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    MBTI
    Enfj
    Enneagram
    2+1
    Socionics
    ?
    Posts
    136

    Default

    I think it's VERY VERY normal to feel all of what you described. I think it would be called shame, which is common too. One way I have started to work with shame is to assess what led to the deficiency in character objectively, to see that there were factors beyond my control that led to who I today. Maybe it'd work for you too.
    Thanks, Yes that would seem to work.
    But I don't understand this well enough, what can cause shame?

    Can I be ashamed because I haven't lived up to being the good person I want to be??
    The good mom, wife, friend, contibuter to society, etc, etc, ?




    All the Best, dee

  9. #29
    Senior Member ThatsWhatHeSaid's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2007
    MBTI
    INTP
    Enneagram
    5w4
    Posts
    7,233

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by dee View Post
    Thanks, Yes that would seem to work.
    But I don't understand this well enough, what can cause shame?

    Can I be ashamed because I haven't lived up to being the good person I want to be??
    The good mom, wife, friend, contibuter to society, etc, etc, ?
    I think of shame as taking something you don't like about yourself and blaming yourself in a global way - global meaning "I'm defective" rather than "I have this defect but I'm otherwise in tact". You can feel shame about anything you don't like about yourself that you turn onto yourself.

    What causes shame? I really don't know. Maybe it has something to do with the strength with which feelings of failure or despair are felt. Maybe it has to do with the language parents use with their children (assigning global attributes) or maybe it's something that builds over time when people start selling themselves out and give up on themselves and their integrity.

    Do you think you might be feeling ashamed for having shame? It could get pretty twisted.

  10. #30
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    MBTI
    Enfj
    Enneagram
    2+1
    Socionics
    ?
    Posts
    136

    Default

    Do you think you might be feeling ashamed for having shame? It could get pretty twisted.
    Lol, yes it can!, I have found that on my journey to understanding myself and trying to become a better person, that the more I analyze myself the worse I feel!!
    I mean when I try to be less self-absorbed it is usually better for me.
    But, if I can learn something about myself, then step back and see things in the bigger picture, that can be good.

    My main defect being - I think (in the back of my mind) that I am defected.

    So if I can just get over that...

    Also I just expect more of myself, it's hard for me to just be happy with my likes and the things I do.

    All the Best, dee

Similar Threads

  1. "How does that make you feel?" I don't know!
    By ThatsWhatHeSaid in forum General Psychology
    Replies: 70
    Last Post: 04-10-2009, 09:37 PM
  2. How does this image make you feel? V.3
    By swordpath in forum The Bonfire
    Replies: 48
    Last Post: 12-23-2008, 03:55 PM
  3. Replies: 17
    Last Post: 08-28-2008, 05:10 PM
  4. [INTJ] WIll COnfronting Someone Make an INTJ Feel Better?
    By Noitartst in forum The NT Rationale (ENTP, INTP, ENTJ, INTJ)
    Replies: 11
    Last Post: 08-09-2008, 03:14 PM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Single Sign On provided by vBSSO