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  1. #1
    Senior Member JivinJeffJones's Avatar
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    Default Since I don't have a blog, I guess I write this stuff here.

    My mum died last night, after a 2 year struggle with cancer. My dad, sister and I have spent the last 3 weeks taking turns to sit with her in hospital 24/7, while she's pumped so full of pain-killers that she barely recognized us. Lowlights: once she asked me to help her get up so she could get ready for school (ok, that was a little funny), another time she wanted to know where her parents were (her mum has been dead for 40 years, her dad for 10). She also kept wanting to know when she'd be well enough to go home. Highlights: I guess the open love and affection I felt free to show her for the first time in a long time.

    It's been hard to deal with, but at least she's out of pain now. I don't mean that at all as a platitude. I have no idea how our family is going to hold together without her, though. She was the ESFP glue that held us introverts together. I imagine that dad, an INTJ, will disappear out into the bush for a few months. I doubt very much that he'll ever remarry, even though she's told him to (and even suggested candidates). She had a really full life, and travelled all over the world. My biggest regret for her is that she never had grandchildren. So...yeah. That's that.

  2. #2
    Dhampyr Economica's Avatar
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    My condolences.

  3. #3
    Plumage and Moult proteanmix's Avatar
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    I'm sorry, Jeff.
    Relationships have normal ebbs and flows. They do not automatically get better and better when the participants learn more and more about each other. Instead, the participants have to work through the tensions of the relationship (the dialectic) while they learn and group themselves and a parties in a relationships. At times the relationships is very open and sharing. Other time, one or both parties to the relationship need their space, or have other concerns, and the relationship is less open. The theory posits that these cycles occur throughout the life of the relationship as the persons try to balance their needs for privacy and open relationship.
    Interpersonal Communication Theories and Concepts
    Social Penetration Theory 1
    Social Penetration Theory 2
    Social Penetration Theory 3

  4. #4
    Strongly Ambivalent Ivy's Avatar
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    I'm so sorry. It's good that you guys could be with her like that for her last few days.
    The one who buggers a fire burns his penis
    -anonymous graffiti in the basilica at Pompeii

  5. #5
    Senior Member Noel's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by JivinJeffJones View Post
    My mum died last night, after a 2 year struggle with cancer. My dad, sister and I have spent the last 3 weeks taking turns to sit with her in hospital 24/7, while she's pumped so full of pain-killers that she barely recognized us. Lowlights: once she asked me to help her get up so she could get ready for school (ok, that was a little funny), another time she wanted to know where her parents were (her mum has been dead for 40 years, her dad for 10). She also kept wanting to know when she'd be well enough to go home. Highlights: I guess the open love and affection I felt free to show her for the first time in a long time.

    It's been hard to deal with, but at least she's out of pain now. I don't mean that at all as a platitude. I have no idea how our family is going to hold together without her, though. She was the ESFP glue that held us introverts together. I imagine that dad, an INTJ, will disappear out into the bush for a few months. I doubt very much that he'll ever remarry, even though she's told him to (and even suggested candidates). She had a really full life, and travelled all over the world. My biggest regret for her is that she never had grandchildren. So...yeah. That's that.
    Sorry for your family's loss.

    I'm happy you had the opportunity to exhibit love to your mum - I bet she appreciated your genuine emotions. God knows male infps need an outlet to do so every once and awhile. Endure. In enduring grow strong.
    I may be bested in battle, but I shall never be defeated.

  6. #6
    Senior Membrane spirilis's Avatar
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    My condolences Jeff.
    intp | type 9w1 sp/sx/so

  7. #7

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    In case you didn't know it already, you are a member of a largely caring community should you need a patient, practical, sympathetic, or empathic ear.

    JJJ --I admit I don't know what's at the other end of the rainbow, but I've never known an ESFP that didn't deserve a peek.

    With Love & Concern,
    Raquel

    Edit: Perhaps it is because they are the rainbows they chase.
    "The purpose of life is to be defeated by greater and greater things." - Rainer Maria Rilke

  8. #8
    The Black Knight Domino's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by JivinJeffJones View Post
    My mum died last night, after a 2 year struggle with cancer. My dad, sister and I have spent the last 3 weeks taking turns to sit with her in hospital 24/7, while she's pumped so full of pain-killers that she barely recognized us. Lowlights: once she asked me to help her get up so she could get ready for school (ok, that was a little funny), another time she wanted to know where her parents were (her mum has been dead for 40 years, her dad for 10). She also kept wanting to know when she'd be well enough to go home. Highlights: I guess the open love and affection I felt free to show her for the first time in a long time.

    It's been hard to deal with, but at least she's out of pain now. I don't mean that at all as a platitude. I have no idea how our family is going to hold together without her, though. She was the ESFP glue that held us introverts together. I imagine that dad, an INTJ, will disappear out into the bush for a few months. I doubt very much that he'll ever remarry, even though she's told him to (and even suggested candidates). She had a really full life, and travelled all over the world. My biggest regret for her is that she never had grandchildren. So...yeah. That's that.

    Jeff -

    I had been very concerned about your disappearance, and now that I know what happened, I only wish I'd been "nosy" enough to drop you that line a week ago (not that you would have had opportunity to answer). I'm just horrified, and deeply deeply sorry for your loss. You're on the other side of the world so we can't come over with the Southern comfort food and quietly do the dishes or vacuum or try to get you to eat or sleep or whatever it is you need to do. Jaye and I extend our cold far away sympathies. Just know that we'll be praying for you all. I'm putting your family in for prayer at Mass.

    eNFJ 4w3 sx/so 468 tritype
    Neutral Good
    EII-Fi subtype, Ethical/Empath, Delta/Beta
    RLUEI, Choleric/Melancholic
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    AIS Holland code
    Researcher: VDI-P
    Dramatic>Sensitive>Serious

  9. #9
    It's always something... PuddleRiver's Avatar
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    I'm very sorry, Jeff. My condolences and prayers are with you and your family.
    "In the depth of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay one invincible summer."
    ~~~~
    A Christian's life may be the only Bible some people ever read.
    ~~~~
    "The first time someone shows you who they are, believe them" Maya Angelou.
    ~~~~
    I like your Christ. I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ" Gandhi
    ~~~~

  10. #10
    Senior Member JivinJeffJones's Avatar
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    Unrelated to any of that ^^^ but I started on antidepressants yesterday. Something called Xydep which the consumer medicine information printout assures me contains the active ingredient sertraline. I'm sick of being depressed -- 5 years is long enough imo. Maybe this will be enough to help me get out of this rut I'm in. I've only taken 2 pills so far, and am not liking the effects at all. Feeling very vague. It reminds me a bit of the way I was after I smoked half an ounce of pot in a week. Silence in my head, can't make connections, can't concentrate beneath the most superficial level. The doctor said it usually takes 2-4 weeks before you start feeling the benefits, but that the negative side-effects can kick in pretty much right away. All I can say is that if these side-effects are a permanent fixture of Xydep then I'd rather be depressed.

    Oh any has anyone noticed that Haight is always viewing who's online?

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