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  1. #61
    Senior Member batumi's Avatar
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    Poor boundaries, speaking only for myself. And probably by that I mean poor ego boundaries too.

  2. #62
    Senior Member surgery's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Antisocial one View Post
    Why NFs care about others peoples feelings so much?
    In my opinion, it's because we can put ourselves in other people's situations. I've heard my roommates (an ESTP and an ESFJ) call girls "dank." In that situation, I can imagine being called, which hurts because I think most people (or, at least, I do) want to be accepted and appreciated by others.

    Of course, I'm not perfect. I've thought plenty of people are unattractive, and have probably been less than polite about expressing that. In which case, I remember how I would feel in that situation and feel guilty for the hypocrisy. Then, I begin to reflect on whether I can draw moral theme from the situation that can be universally applied.

    Overall, I just want there to be harmony between people and for others (and myself) to feel inherently dignified.

    Quote Originally Posted by Antisocial one View Post
    To me it looks like that NFs can care so much about other peoples feelings that this skill can block their ability to operate normally during the day.
    Is this because you are afraid of creating enemies or when you hurt someone, you hate yourself for the rest of the day.
    I know it is both but I am interested in ratio.
    I'd probably say it's 90% because you feel like you betrayed your value system and the other 10% comes from a desire for harmony, i.e. not wanting to offend others.

    Quote Originally Posted by Antisocial one View Post
    Do you think that all people are equally soft at core?
    I suppose not, which is probably for the best.

    Quote Originally Posted by Antisocial one View Post
    Do you give empathy/simpathy to others(when they need it) in a way that you are aware of it or in a more spontaneous way?
    For me, an unconscious feeling sort of just comes up in your gut. You can feel yourself getting warmer, your heart beat picks up and your mood just chances. Then I reflect on why it might be justifiable for me to feel this way.

    Quote Originally Posted by Antisocial one View Post
    Also it looks to me that one of the greatest fears of NFs is that they will be in bad mood so that they will not notice that the person who they love is suffering and it needs their help and care.
    Is this true?
    This isn't something that I fear, but it's something of which I am aware. The other day, my mother (ISFP) and I were watching a television show about animal cruelty (yes, not an interpersonal subject, but one that demands engages values). While, I was certainly saddened, I wasn't quite appalled like she was. I'm not exactly sure why that was, because there have many times that I've been absolutely vehement about defending animal rights.

    Just as a side note. I don't think I reason out sympathy for animals the same way as with people, because I use a sense of empathy. Imagining a scenario when an owner beat his dog, I don't find myself putting myself in its place, exactly. My sympathy is just immediately engaged, and I try to justify it with statements such as, "all living creates deserve to be treated with dignity," or "that dog feels as equally as I do."

    I think that probably all of this works for SFs also and I wouldn't mind to get their opinion on this as well.[/QUOTE]
    "Why had he never appreciated what a miracle he was, brain and nerve and bounding heart?"

  3. #63
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lady X View Post
    i totally deleted my super long post sorry...

    i just think you'd get a different answer depending on the day...idk

    i'm really empathetic but i do choose who to be that way with most of the time.i can share their emotions and i try to help them feel better because that's what i would want.

    i honestly believe everyone deserves equal respect so it bothers me if i or someone else is treating someone less then they deserve...so...i think it's important to me that everyone feels valued...and equal...no one is going to run me...and i'm not gonna run anyone else.

    hope that answered it more accurately and less dramatically then the previous post.

  4. #64
    Junior Member emptyepiphany's Avatar
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    It can happen that NFs(usually ENFPs) will be so friendly that he/she will say something awkward or hurtful (by their standards) and they will apologize over and over again and in the end they will feel bad about it.
    Why so defensive attitude?
    For me, sometimes (especially when I get excited or around people I really like), my talking about what's popping into my head runs too fast for me to put the "value" filter on the content. Only after the fact does the "value" filter kick in and if it detects something that shouldn't have passed on a normal instance, but did because I was too worked up, it will leave me horrified.

    That's where the apologising comes in. It's like a mad attempt to make sure the other person hasn't been hurt and, to be truthful, it's because I feel like, by apologising, I can make up for the blip in my filter and I DO feel better about myself and the situation. It's as much to appease me as it is to appease them.

    I want so badly for people to feel like they can genuinely 100% themselves around me and I want so badly for other people to be ok with me being 100% myself around them. Often times I will put "disclaimers" on what I say to make sure that people know that it's MY opinion and that they, by no means, have to adhere to it or even agree to it. My values are set on finding and maintaining the unity in diversity. So that's why I'll apologise for things like that. I'm being cautious to make sure I don't go against this value within myself.

    And if I really did hurt someone's feelings (not just a: I MIGHT have hurt your feelings so I'll say something) I will ACT to make sure they know I'm sorry. I will work fiercely to make it up to them. Because I hate to hurt people's feelings.


    Actually, once, I was talking with a good INTJ friend and I said something and he said very bluntly (in that INTJ way) "that was really insensitive."

    I immediately clammed up and started to cry. I couldn't stand myself that I had hurt someone. I really could not stand myself one bit. I was very angry at myself. I had been careless. In those instances I don't apologise profusely with words. I DO to prove how sorry I am. DOING, for me, is much more sincere and heartfelt, but I'm aware of how it sometimes comes across as "too much."

    It's just that I feel a NEED to make sure everything's ok in the other person because it makes me feel worthwhile and like I'm doing a good job at life. I care so much about other people's feelings, but I would say that it's roots are planted in my feelings.

    This says it great:
    For me, I think i need external cues to validate my own self-image. I need someone to feel good about being with me, for me to feel good about me. If someone feels negativly about me, so do i.

  5. #65
    darkened dreams labyrinthine's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Antisocial one View Post
    Why NFs care about others peoples feelings so much?...


    To me it looks like that NFs can care so much about other peoples feelings that this skill can block their ability to operate normally during the day.
    Is this because you are afraid of creating enemies or when you hurt someone, you hate yourself for the rest of the day.
    I know it is both but I am interested in ratio.

    Do you think that all people are equally soft at core?
    I'll challenge the assumption that being aware of and caring about other people's feelings makes a person "soft at the core". How about those who can take in all this information and still function?

    In the end empathy and awareness about the perceptions and feelings of others is information. Information is strength imo.
    Step into my metaphysical room of mirrors.
    Fear of reality creates myopic morality
    So I guess it means there is trouble until the robins come
    (from Blue Velvet)

  6. #66
    Aspiring Troens Ridder KLessard's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kai View Post
    It constantly makes me smile when I see other people around me having a good time, or experiencing a positive stable emotion. Their happiness definitely impacts my level of contentment.

    One of my most important values is maintaining and generating a positive environment around myself. Considering that I'm focused on this, I'll pick up on small details given out by other people including their general emotional vibes. (Empathy) If it's negative energy. Depending on my mood, I'll try and reduce the negative vibe so that I'm surrounded by positive moods again. (Sympathy)

    Once I've become aware that there is something wrong. I can't ignore the problem.
    Wow, I love this post. It makes me understand a lot of stuff about you ISFJs. Thanks, Kai.

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