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  1. #11
    Senior Member Sahara's Avatar
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    I had to think about this one alot last night before I replied.

    If someone was to describe me, it would sound like you describing yourself, sassy, in control, not a people pleaser per se, but a nice STRONG individual who doesn't take any crap. I even see myself that way, I have more of a front, I don't feel i need to go out of my to avoid conflict, not to say that i go looking for it, but if it happens it happens and you got to be prepared to feel the backlash of my tongue.

    Yet.........none of this explains the fact that I allowed myself to be abused for 8 yrs, or that I allowed family and friends to betray me many times before without making too much of a fuss.

    Who I feel i am inside, well maybe that is not who I am, maybe I really am the description of the typical conflict avoidant infp.

    I often have people tell me that they find it hard to believe I was abused as I don't come across as the type of person to allow it, heck in court the defence attorny/barrister representing my abuser tried the same line in court.

    My father (also an old abuser of mine) said he never could understand why I ended up in an abusive relationship as I was so tough, so strong, so capable. Because when i was a young teen I used to proclaim loudly that i wouldn't put up with anything from anyone. (guess he wasn't looking at his past behaviour for the answer to that one)

    The reason I share this, is to try to explain why on the one hand I feel like you describe yourself, yet on the other hand, how can I explain my past?

    So, that tough persona of mine, the one who can handle conflict, is I guess not who i am, because if it really and truly was, I would have handled the betrayls the abuse, the stamping on all I valued, quite differently. (see even after a night mulling it over, I still can't understand it)

    Can I ask you, do you find it easy to handle loved ones in the same confident, I can handle conflict, way?
    "No one can be free of the chains that surround them"

  2. #12
    にゃん runvardh's Avatar
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    I've explored the depths of my darkness and it scares me the ideas that are humanly possible... I went through it prior to becoming a teenager and I was never allowed to watch horror movies.
    Dreams are best served manifest and tangible.

    INFP, 6w7, IEI

    I accept no responsibility, what so ever, for the fact that I exist; I do, however, accept full responsibility for what I do while I exist.

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  3. #13
    @.~*virinaĉo*~.@ Totenkindly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by JivinJeffJones View Post
    Only NTs are allowed to be dark.
    Mua ha ha!!!! <evil toothy grin>

    Here is a question for you: Is it easier for a female INFP or a male INFP to be "hard/dark"? Is there any difference that is gender-based?

    I am only asking because the "harder/darker" INFPs I have met or talked to tend to be female. But my sample size is smaller and I was wondering what other people's experiences have been.

    (How dark are you, JJJ?)

    Quote Originally Posted by Sahara View Post
    If someone was to describe me, it would sound like you describing yourself, sassy, in control, not a people pleaser per se, but a nice STRONG individual who doesn't take any crap. I even see myself that way, I have more of a front, I don't feel i need to go out of my to avoid conflict, not to say that i go looking for it, but if it happens it happens and you got to be prepared to feel the backlash of my tongue.

    Yet.........none of this explains the fact that I allowed myself to be abused for 8 yrs, or that I allowed family and friends to betray me many times before without making too much of a fuss.
    Just for corroboration, that is how I would describe you from my experience of you on these forums.

    My guess is that you have strong values that play out in your interactions with "outsiders" or those you are not in committed relationships with per se, so you can afford to be hard and those personal values are guiding your behavior (and allowing you to be "tough") ... but when you have an established relationship with someone, you suddenly have an internal conflict between standing up for your personal values and being true/faithful to the person you are in the relationship with.

    That is my best guess.

    Note that I consider BOTH of those things to be the "true you." You are acting differently in each situation, but that is simply because the situation has changed; you actually haven't changed, per se, it just looks like it from the outside. I think it makes sense for you to apply your strong value set to interactions with people you do not have a commitment to, and then to feel like you are compromising your value set when the people you love/are committed to loving are involved.
    "Hey Capa -- We're only stardust." ~ "Sunshine"

    “Pleasure to me is wonder—the unexplored, the unexpected, the thing that is hidden and the changeless thing that lurks behind superficial mutability. To trace the remote in the immediate; the eternal in the ephemeral; the past in the present; the infinite in the finite; these are to me the springs of delight and beauty.” ~ H.P. Lovecraft

  4. #14
    Senior Member niffer's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by runvardh View Post
    I've explored the depths of my darkness and it scares me the ideas that are humanly possible... I went through it prior to becoming a teenager and I was never allowed to watch horror movies.
    *picks up runvardh and puts into kitty carrier*

    This is the kajillionth time I'm mentioning it, but I'm an 8w9. The 9 is probably the NFP part coming into play, but otherwise I'm a pretty aggressive person. I've always been the most masculine (in thought at least) of all my female friends, and this is probably because as a verryy leetle girl I'd had only a few friends, who were all male. People also say I seem intimidating when I'm not smiling...I think it's a height thing. I can also be rather irritable. I can be a bit of a people pleaser...but I'm not that great at faking things. I HATE mind games, and I cannot tolerate them being played on me. I lose my mind. I become violent. I destroy things. I never play them myself, unless my father, an INTJ, crosses the line of control (and it drives him nuts when I do this). I have serious control and respect issues, and I internalize *everything* - if something hurtful said by others doesn't secretly bother me a little, then it only means I've managed to push it to the back of my mind. However, most of the time I'm extremely laid back and silly and fluffy, and the aggression only comes out when provoked. And so, I will use the more appropriate term of "assertive" . "Sassy" is not a word that I would use to describe myself, as it seems a little...excessive.
    sparkly sparkly rainbow excretions

    Quote Originally Posted by ThatGirl View Post
    holy shit am I a feeler?
    if you like my avatar, it's because i took it myself! : D

  5. #15
    Senior Member niffer's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by toonia View Post
    I do have values that I don't waffle on, but they do have to be justified logically in my mind. If I can't articulate a reason for the value, I let it go however uncomfortable it is to do that. I constantly challenge every position I hold, to the extent that there are only a handful of principles that i have a firm connection to. If I have a strong opinion, it has been long sought and hard fought. I find convenient, strong opinions wearisome. It is the reason i avoid politics.
    I especially agree with this (except that I don't feel uncomfortable, lol). My values are always changeable. To me, context and compromise are 100% important.

    Quote Originally Posted by heart View Post
    I am not fascinated with horror movie type stuff or useless violence in movies, I hate stuff like that and won't watch it....
    I love useless violence, blood, and gore! (As long as it's kept in movies and games .)

    I am very much into studying the nature and motivations of true evil in the world.
    I actually couldn't care less..because I believe there's good and evil in everything. Even true evil has very good reasons as to why they are evil. Also because it simply doesn't interest me.
    sparkly sparkly rainbow excretions

    Quote Originally Posted by ThatGirl View Post
    holy shit am I a feeler?
    if you like my avatar, it's because i took it myself! : D

  6. #16
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    Quote Originally Posted by niffer View Post
    I actually couldn't care less..because I believe there's good and evil in everything. Even true evil has very good reasons as to why they are evil. Also because it simply doesn't interest me.

    The very core of my being is centered around figuring out good vs. evil and how I personally believe about it and what it tells me about myself and the rest of the world. I want to know what movtivates people to do evil and why. I want to face my own personal shadows down and transmute them into something better.

    I also wish I understood why people so passively accept evil and its negative and disruptive effects in their lives. What makes humans so masocistic?

  7. #17
    Senior Member niffer's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by heart View Post
    The very core of my being is centered around figuring out good vs. evil and how I personally believe about it and what it tells me about myself and the rest of the world. I want to know what movtivates people to do evil and why. I want to face my own personal shadows down and transmute them into something better.

    I also wish I understood why people so passively accept evil and its negative and disruptive effects in their lives. What makes humans so masocistic?
    Hmm...perhaps they believe good will somehow come out of the evil? (Or at least for them.) Interesting. I'm not so sure about the last two sentences though. Can you give some examples of this human masochism?
    sparkly sparkly rainbow excretions

    Quote Originally Posted by ThatGirl View Post
    holy shit am I a feeler?
    if you like my avatar, it's because i took it myself! : D

  8. #18
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    Quote Originally Posted by niffer View Post
    Can you give some examples of this human masochism?
    Accepting the fact that their hard labor supports a one percent at the top that has the majority of our national wealth tied up and loving the part they play in the whole wage slavery system that sustains those people in luxury.

    Voting for George W. Bush is the easiest one I can think of at the moment, but I will return to this thread during the week and put more.

  9. #19
    Senior Member niffer's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by heart View Post
    Voting for George W. Bush is the easiest one I can think of at the moment, but I will return to this thread during the week and put more.
    That's not masochism really...maybe ignorance. Hehe.
    sparkly sparkly rainbow excretions

    Quote Originally Posted by ThatGirl View Post
    holy shit am I a feeler?
    if you like my avatar, it's because i took it myself! : D

  10. #20
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    Quote Originally Posted by niffer View Post
    That's not masochism really...maybe ignorance. Hehe.
    It is not ingnorance. We don't live in a soceity where anyone with normal mental ability can be truly ignorant unless it be by choice. I never let people off the hook with this ignorance business. Oh, if only all the ignorant people were educated, then all would be right and good. BAH!

    People chose ignorance because it is more comfortable for them (momentarily)to not face the shadows in the world, they are running from the truth of the world and no amount of education could educate them in that case.

    People follow the easier, lazier path and then hurt later for it. My question remains, why are they so willing to chose momentary escape from a painful truth and risk greater pain later? Do they enjoy the pain? Are they masochistic? I sometimes really think they might be!

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