I enjoy a good firm handshake. One summer in Quebec (where it is customary to do the kiss kiss thing and be much more touchy - even arms and legs), I felt strange at first about it, but realized after I went home that English Canada seemed rather reserved and I missed the contact. I am generally not a huge hugger, although quite comfortable being touchy with my innner circle people. I will iniate as well as accept hugs readily in cases of distress, tears, long goodbyes, and long lost hellos. Most people seem to agree that I'm warm and animated, but emit non-touchy vibes, while reserving the right to touch or almost touch other people frequently without realizing it (not if they aren't open though). I don't mind other people touching me (appropriately) as long as they are observant enough to know when in our acquaintance I am open to being touched (and do not push that time line) or allow me to initiate it. After that, they're in. I just get to decide when they are in. There are some people I have known for a long time and will never be okay with touching and others that I haven't known for long but feel like it's alright anyway. I think it has something to do with the way that they do it, but I can't describe exactly what that is. Intent is part of it, but it's not only that. In romantic relationships, no making out in public. Public affection is great, as long as it is not excessive enough to make others feel uncomfortable or like they are in the way. I think maybe INFJs are extremely warm physically as long as they feel close to the person, more than some might guess they would be. Years of busking as a summer job have made me become much more assertive (though pleasant) about my space. I have had people I just met ask me for a hug and I have had to explain that I don't hug people unless I know them quite well. In dealing with drunks who want to shake hands and then hold on, I discovered that grabbing the fingers rather than joining at the thumb allows me to let go at a more appropriate time. If weird or drunk people are too close, I'll explain that I cannot play when people are in my space and that they will need to take two steps backwards. I don't like insincere or perfunctory touch and I feel strange about non-family (or SOs) who want to hug every day or even several times a day. Seems either fake or smothery.
. It would take hell of a lot for me to take the iniative - as I still, despite all this, respect the other persons space too much, and of course there's the fear of rejection.
. Not my family,they're kinda cold in that department. Plenty of love, attention but no physical affection, nor verbal as a matter of fact.
I'm also comfortable hugging close family members, but don't crave it from them in same way.
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