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  1. #41
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    Quote Originally Posted by tibby View Post

    I think I feel this way because I'm extremely guarded, and definately have my own private space so that I can seem very remote physically. I don't like touching or hugging people I don't know well, in order for me to enjoy it it needs to have a true meaning - my way of showing how much I care. I extremely dislike those all polite cheek kisses and hugs with people you barely know . It would take hell of a lot for me to take the iniative - as I still, despite all this, respect the other persons space too much, and of course there's the fear of rejection.
    I feel the same way. If you don't know me well, don't touch me. If you're my friend I'll definitely hug because I like them and it's a way of showing affection, or have some meaning behind it.

  2. #42
    Iron Maiden fidelia's Avatar
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    I enjoy a good firm handshake. One summer in Quebec (where it is customary to do the kiss kiss thing and be much more touchy - even arms and legs), I felt strange at first about it, but realized after I went home that English Canada seemed rather reserved and I missed the contact. I am generally not a huge hugger, although quite comfortable being touchy with my innner circle people. I will iniate as well as accept hugs readily in cases of distress, tears, long goodbyes, and long lost hellos. Most people seem to agree that I'm warm and animated, but emit non-touchy vibes, while reserving the right to touch or almost touch other people frequently without realizing it (not if they aren't open though). I don't mind other people touching me (appropriately) as long as they are observant enough to know when in our acquaintance I am open to being touched (and do not push that time line) or allow me to initiate it. After that, they're in. I just get to decide when they are in. There are some people I have known for a long time and will never be okay with touching and others that I haven't known for long but feel like it's alright anyway. I think it has something to do with the way that they do it, but I can't describe exactly what that is. Intent is part of it, but it's not only that. In romantic relationships, no making out in public. Public affection is great, as long as it is not excessive enough to make others feel uncomfortable or like they are in the way. I think maybe INFJs are extremely warm physically as long as they feel close to the person, more than some might guess they would be. Years of busking as a summer job have made me become much more assertive (though pleasant) about my space. I have had people I just met ask me for a hug and I have had to explain that I don't hug people unless I know them quite well. In dealing with drunks who want to shake hands and then hold on, I discovered that grabbing the fingers rather than joining at the thumb allows me to let go at a more appropriate time. If weird or drunk people are too close, I'll explain that I cannot play when people are in my space and that they will need to take two steps backwards. I don't like insincere or perfunctory touch and I feel strange about non-family (or SOs) who want to hug every day or even several times a day. Seems either fake or smothery.

  3. #43
    Senior Member ThinkingAboutIt's Avatar
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    If you want to give someone a hug, do it. I am uncomfortable for a bit, especially at first, but have learned to appreciate the sweet, kind, loving people that tend to be huggers. I have three friends that do this regularly and I admire that they can express their feelings so freely.
    Just because you can doesn't mean you should.

  4. #44
    The High Priestess Amargith's Avatar
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    Only hug people that I've had an intimate moment with, where you realize that you share a connection. Or..when I'm forced to by family out of social obligation. Sometimes I'll do it with someone I don't know well, but is clearly distraught and in need of comforting.
    ★ڿڰۣ✿ℒoѵℯ✿ڿڰۣ★





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  5. #45
    Senior Member Ruthie's Avatar
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    I always feel very awkward with casual physical contact, and I tend to "over-hug" as a result, even though I don't want to. The hugs I usually get from friends and acquaintances always seem so arbitrary that I've sort of figured that hugging is the socially appropriate general greeting. It's worse with younger people. Older people don't expect hugs from everyone they come in contact with! But I'm 29, and I think that puts me right on the cusp of Generation Hug and Generation Why Are You Touching Me? I don't want people to see how uncomfortable the Hug moment makes me, so I try to be the one who reaches out first. Um... it's put me in some really uncomfortable and sitcom-ish situations. I'm trying to work out some kind of mental "Laws of Hugging" to distinguish the Hugging situations from the non-Hugging situations.

  6. #46
    Temporal Mechanic. Lexicon's Avatar
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    I don't hug people often. It feels awkward and unnatural. Every so often I hug friends, if they come to me crying about problems, etc. However our talks seem to offer more comfort and support than any physical actions. I just live too much in my own head for this touchy-feely stuff, perhaps.

    I have a strong dislike for being hugged when I'm upset, or being around people in general when I am, so I try to take care of that sort of thing by myself. I don't shove people away, but I do the wooden-plank thing, and back up and emotionally shut off [I'm fine now, thx], and continue whatever I'd been doing.
    03/23 06:06:58 EcK: lex
    03/23 06:06:59 EcK: lex
    03/23 06:21:34 Nancynobullets: LEXXX *sacrifices a first born*
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    03/23 06:29:07 Lexicon: I was sleeping!



    04/25 04:20:35 Patches: Don't listen to lex. She wants to birth a litter of kittens. She doesnt get to decide whats creepy

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    02/16 23:49:45 Cimarron: she's doing drugs with Jack

    03/05 19:27:41 Time: You can't make chat morbid. Lex does it naturally.

  7. #47
    Senior Member Dwigie's Avatar
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    I used to hate giving affection and receiving it..until my best friend came around. I only started being affectionate a year ago but now I love it.
    I only show affection to my close friends or people who seem to need some . Not my family,they're kinda cold in that department. Plenty of love, attention but no physical affection, nor verbal as a matter of fact.
    Sometimes I feel like I'm "on Mercury"-

  8. #48
    lurking.... Wyst's Avatar
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    I used to be very reserved with my hugs. Actually, I'm more comfortable with giving my dude friends a clasped-arm-between-our-chests-and-sleep-each-others-back kinda hug than I am giving girls a side hug. And some dudes to NOT get hugs.

    A select few women (besides my sisters and mom) get side hugs but there's not rhyme or reason for who gets a hug. Even one of my closest friends that's a girl doesn't get hugs.

    Really it's pretty random.
    Sometimes there are people that I feel I -HAVE- to hug because they saw me give someone else a hug... and it's TORTURE hugging them....

  9. #49
    half-nut member briochick's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Wyst View Post
    I used to be very reserved with my hugs. Actually, I'm more comfortable with giving my dude friends a clasped-arm-between-our-chests-and-sleep-each-others-back kinda hug than I am giving girls a side hug. And some dudes to NOT get hugs.

    A select few women (besides my sisters and mom) get side hugs but there's not rhyme or reason for who gets a hug. Even one of my closest friends that's a girl doesn't get hugs.

    Really it's pretty random.
    Sometimes there are people that I feel I -HAVE- to hug because they saw me give someone else a hug... and it's TORTURE hugging them....
    Why do the girls only get a side hug?
    I'm in Spain now. Everyone is touchy and it's freaking me out. I've basically hidden in my residence for a week. Just, all these people touching and hugging and it seems too...intimate to be done in public or often. Tons of pda here too. *head desk* I think I give off a "please don't touch me" vibe that the other foreigners notice but the Spaniards either don't notice or don't care.
    -Brio

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  10. #50
    Senior Member Synapse's Avatar
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    Consider that a hug a day keeps the blues away.

    A poll by Batchelors, the famous 'Hug in a Mug' has revealed that two out of three UK adults have a hug at least once a day. The Scots are the most frequent huggers with 26% of them hugging more than five times a day with Londoners not far behind with 24% enjoying at least five cuddles daily. The Welsh are not so touchy feely however, with 10% of the respondents in Wales sadly never receiving hugs.

    "Hugging is a wonderful tonic. It makes you feel energised and gives you an emotional boost. In fact, the medical evidence is that a hug even makes your body produce more Oxytocin, which is the 'feel good' hormone. Research in America found that one 20-second hug a day makes a big difference between how happy and relaxed we are. Which is why people in a healthy relationship are happier and feel less stressed. "

    Giving someone a hug can bring an instant smile to anyone's face. So for a happier you ensure you get your five portions of fruit and one hug per day!

    We all hug in different ways and the way we hug means a lot.

    The Back to Front Hug is the perfect way to give support and affection to someone, even if they are busy carrying out a task like the washing up! Receiving a Back to Front Hug shows that you have someone who is always there for you and is a way of expressing love and affection for that person irrespective of what is received in return.

    The Bear Hug is one of the hugs that we all consider to be the strongest. By squeezing your hugging partner gently, you can instantly give them reassurance and affection. But people tend to use Bear Hugs when they are excited or when they want to display strong affection. However remember, the best Bear Hugs require moderate squeezing not suffocating!

    The Cheek Hug on the other hand is the complete opposite. We use the Cheek Hug when we need to comfort someone or show affection but this type of hug also allows us to keep our distance at the same time. The Cheek Hug may be used by anyone - elderly people who may not be able to hug tightly, people who are seated, colleagues, acquaintances and even friends and family.

    The Side to Side Hug is a common sight we all see almost everyday. Most of us have all strolled down the road locked in a Side to Side Hug with someone. This casual hug allows us to demonstrate our affection for one another without being too intimate. It is also a way of conveniently hugging whilst carrying out other tasks such as walking, sitting down next to each other and standing in a queue for example.

    The Heart Centred Hug is one we all enjoy. A slow, intimate and well-needed Heart Hug can lift anyone's spirits and is the perfect way to show close family, friends and partners how much you care!
    Are you kidding, 1 hug a day, hahaha more like 1 hug per year for me.

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