In emotionally intimate relationships I have no problem with displaying affection physically. In fact, I can't get enough!
But other than that, I don't really see a point in touching. The only person I am always touching in a non-romantic way when I see is my granny. I am either putting my hand on her back while talking to her.. or kissing her on the head.. or holding her hand.
I think that when you love and trust someone, the physical displays of affection come naturally. When you don't trust the person on some level.. and fear rejection or fear coming near to them in general.. as in being vaguely disgusted by the idea.. then you should listen to your instincts and just not do it.
Something gloomy-optimist posted in an INFJ thread once got me thinking about a problem/dilemma I constantly run into.
With the people I am comfortable touching/showing displays of affection to (not romantic or sexual), I feel so awkward doing it. I worry how people will react to it. I know it'll probably catch them by surprise to suddenly have this reserved, quiet INFJ suddenly hug them out of nowhere. I'm not talking about people I'm really familiar with and normally hug and they reciprocate. Sometimes in my friendships, there will come a point when something just "clicks" and I'll suddenly feel close enough to them that I'm comfortable touching them. At that point I just have this urge to hug them tightly. Also, since these particular friends aren't expecting me to hug them (b/c they haven't seen that side of me), it's difficult to initiate a hug.
Do I hold my arms out? Do I say, "I just wanted to give you a hug goodbye?" I hate this awkward feeling because at times I want so badly to reach out to someone (perhaps b/c it's rare to find someone who truly understands, appreciates, connects with, and accepts me) but I have this fear that they'll reject me or it will make them uncomfortable. IDK how else to explain it.
I was wondering if any of the other NFs have this problem and if so, how you deal with it.
Heh, my INFJ mom is also uncomfortable with hugs. Strangely enough, so am I (my friends get uncomfortable when I hug them because I almost never do).
For the times you want to hug someone but are afraid to, just remember that most people don't view hugs as that big of a deal. It probably won't elicit a strong response, good or bad. Your friends that know you might be caught off guard, but they're your friends, so you can do anything to them and they'll still love you (really... they're surprisingly durable ).
"OMG I FEEEEEEEEEL SO INTENSELY ABOUT EVERYTHING OMG OMG OMG GET ME A XANAX" -Priam (ENFP impersonation)
It is very hard for me to understand why someone really, deeply, at the core --- wouldn't like hugging (and now I'm talking this in CLOSE relationships), cause even though someone is giving off that "a hug, eeeek"- vibe, I just kinda take it as the person is just very guarder, has their walls up or just isn't used to it. The only way to get used to hugging your close ones is by actually doing it, a lot. Someone could even say that some sort of "hug" therapy is in place there
I think I feel this way because I'm extremely guarded, and definately have my own private space so that I can seem very remote physically. I don't like touching or hugging people I don't know well, in order for me to enjoy it it needs to have a true meaning - my way of showing how much I care. I extremely dislike those all polite cheek kisses and hugs with people you barely know . It would take hell of a lot for me to take the iniative - as I still, despite all this, respect the other persons space too much, and of course there's the fear of rejection.
I do like giving people hugs and I am quite a tactile person all around really.... And it's bizzare cos most people respond really well to it even those who profess to being uncomfortable with physical displays of affection.... I have a male friend who is ISTJ and I hugged him the first time he met even after he told me that he "didn't do hugging!" I just couldn't help myself he is the only person who has actively tried to warn me off but it didnt work and he seems to have warmed up to them...
... couldn't drag me away
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