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  1. #1
    IRL is not real Cimarron's Avatar
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    Default INFJs: Not interested in him

    (This topic has probably already come up before. And I'm not sure if this is the right spot for it.)

    INFJs, especially ladies, but anyone's welcome to answer: How do you treat someone who is interested in you, but you're not interested in a relationship with them, assuming that you have to interact with that person in a group setting?

    When you see them and talk to them, how do you react? What do you say and do?

    This question isn't worded well, is it? I may have to give the situation. I've noticed that she (INFJ, I think) treats me differently, and doesn't really try to avoid it or cover it up. Another girl who I think was INFJ did the same thing a few years ago.
    Last edited by Cimarron; 12-07-2008 at 07:31 PM. Reason: the right place?
    You can't spell "justice" without ISTJ.

  2. #2
    Occasional Member Evan's Avatar
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    I am careful not to give any positive signs, and also careful not to talk about other people I'm attracted to out of fear of hurting their feelings.

    Basically, if I don't talk about having a crush on anyone, I might have a crush on you! AAH!

    (switch him with her for me )

  3. #3
    WTF is this dude saying? A Schnitzel's Avatar
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    INFJs I know that have noticed some chemistry, but aren't interested currently i.e. some other thing is holding them back. What happens is they stay quite psychologically distant. It's like they put up an invisible wall. They often use one word answers to reply to questions that often deserve more of a response and stay especially quiet.

    I find it quite irritating and a little rude.

    On the other hand they treat everyone else normally.

  4. #4
    IRL is not real Cimarron's Avatar
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    Oh and this is way before anything would have gotten serious. Less serious than it sounds like Evan is talking about, though thanks for the help. In other words, we were just acquaintances, and then she realized I kind of like her. It's not like we know each other well.

    The other girl (the one in the past) I knew a little better, and I'm more sure that she's an INFJ. We had become friends somewhat, and then she treated me completely differently after I asked her out and she turned me down.

    Of course, I may be mixed up on their type. But that's the kind of situation I'm wondering about.
    You can't spell "justice" without ISTJ.

  5. #5
    Occasional Member Evan's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cimarron View Post
    Oh and this is way before anything would have gotten serious. Less serious than it sounds like Evan is talking about, though thanks for the help. In other words, we were just acquaintances, and then she realized I kind of like her. It's not like we know each other well.

    The other girl (the one in the past) I knew a little better, and I'm more sure that she's an INFJ. We had become friends somewhat, and then she treated me completely differently after I asked her out and she turned me down.

    Of course, I may be mixed up on their type. But that's the kind of situation I'm wondering about.
    Don't worry, my post made no sense anyway.

  6. #6
    Senior Member Eileen's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by A Schnitzel View Post
    INFJs I know that have noticed some chemistry, but aren't interested currently i.e. some other thing is holding them back. What happens is hey stay quite psychologically distant. It's like they put up an invisible wall. They often use one word answers to reply to questions that often deserve more of a response and stay especially quiet.

    I find it quite irritating and a little rude.

    On the other hand they treat everyone else normally.
    heh.

    guilty!

    It always *feels* like the most compassionate thing to do--to maintain distance, to put up the wall. Maybe it isn't. But I do it.
    INFJ

    "I can never be what I ought to be until you are what you ought to be. You can never be what you ought to be until I am what I ought to be. This is the interrelated structure of reality." -Martin Luther King, Jr.

  7. #7
    IRL is not real Cimarron's Avatar
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    Well, the wall seemed a little more pro-active. Once they realized I liked them, they would become a lot more blunt and straightforward when talking to me. This is usually kind of embarrassing, (since they often like to do this in front of other people) and I get the feeling they do it that way on purpose. From some angles, you might even say it looks like they're being playful in a mean way. The girl from the past liked to use it as a wild card, like she had some dirt on me now.

    Now that probably sounds worse than it actually is, but that's the general situation.

    Does this sound like an INFJ? More importantly, does this sound familiar to anybody?
    Last edited by Cimarron; 12-07-2008 at 11:18 PM. Reason: explanation
    You can't spell "justice" without ISTJ.

  8. #8
    WTF is this dude saying? A Schnitzel's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cimarron View Post
    Well, the wall seemed a little more pro-active. Once they realized I liked them, they would become a lot more blunt and straightforward when talking to me. This is usually kind of embarrassing, (since they often like to do this in front of other people) and I get the feeling they do it that way on purpose. From some angles, you might even say it looks like they're being playful in a mean way. The girl from the past liked to use it as a wild card, like she had some dirt on me now.

    Now that probably sounds worse than it actually is, but that's the general situation.

    Does this sound like an INFJ? More importantly, does this sound familiar to anybody?
    Really?

    That doesn't sound like any INFJ I know. Maybe she doesn't like you.
    If she's rude it's not your problem. It's hers. So far from what you've said you didn't do anything wrong so you shouldn't need to worry about her.

  9. #9
    IRL is not real Cimarron's Avatar
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    I figured she didn't like me, and in the past-girl case, I know it. They act a lot alike, which was weird, too. But I was just wondering why they started acting like that when they found out I liked them.

    And maybe she doesn't see it as rude. Maybe she sees it as playfully picking on someone, like you might do to your younger brother....you know what I mean? That's another thing I'm wondering, how else they could see their own actions.
    Last edited by Cimarron; 12-07-2008 at 11:33 PM. Reason: possibility
    You can't spell "justice" without ISTJ.

  10. #10
    Glycerine
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    Sometimes I act distant like that because I feel awkward and don't want acknowlege that tension. It does not mean that I don't necessarily like the person though.

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