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Thread: INFJs: Not interested in him

  1. #51
    meat popsicle Array r.a's Avatar
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    Jul 2009


    Quote Originally Posted by FemmeUrbane View Post
    A question for INFJ men:

    How do you act when you're attracted to a female? Do you initiate conversations? Do you ask her to "hang out"? Do you decide to be where she'll be? Do you tell her that you want to be friends, even if you're doing ALL this?
    flirting is never really a problem with me. in the right mood i don't mind shelling out sexual energy to whom i see fit.

    the difference is when i actually, really like someone.

    this is just an observation how i act and/or have acted in the past:

    when i really like someone, my shyness comes out full force. first, eye contact.

    eye contact with me is pretty intense. again, in the right mood, i dont mind making a point to make penetrating eye contact with whomever i deem, but usually with benevolence unless they are asking for it. (my tolerance for assholes and their bullshit is pretty high so someone really has to push the wrong buttons for me to fire gamma-rays into their soul).

    when i like someone and i look into her eyes i am the one who feels vulnerable. painfully vulnerable. my adolescent shyness returns and i immediately look away and act as if i give the flyingest fuck in the world she exists. i also might project that her beauty means shit to me.

    my feelings, of course, are the exact opposite. for that first moment of acknowledgment i've already delivered unto her, a solid, loving, lifelong marriage with a constant supply of transcendent orgasms and three beautiful, over-achieving and multi-talented children. i even know their names. i am hoping she is 'psychic' like me and reading what i am reading.

    now the rest depends on if i know i am going to see this person again.

    if i know i might not see that person again, i will act much more boldly and might lay the cards on the table early, maybe even bringing out the A or high-B game to ensure that even if i don't succeed, i still made an impression. OR, i may send her love through the ether, marry and divorce her in my mind and wish her soul well through its journey to the next plane of existence. my imagination runs wild and i daydream of all the wives from past lives i may have had and how perhaps these women i encounter may be past wives visiting from other lives, just saying "hello" and maybe "you were amazing".

    if this is a girl i know i will be seeing again (school, work, out in the world etc) my approach is much more methodical and prolonged, unless our personalities click really well from the beginning and it just becomes. the latter situation is always what i would rather have. a mutual initial interaction. or, god forbid, she actually has the ingenuity to come and initiate conversation with me. that is the most attractive shit ever, a girl with the audacity to approach such a rare bird as myself.

    i hate the societal norm that the guy has to initiate everything. i also hate that we have to buy the drinks. i got a cat to feed, i cant be spending money on some frivolous courtship dance that's going nowhere.

    how i handle the meticulousness of the prolonged introduction depends on her personality. if i understand how her mind works early on, i just take control of the situation and might prolong things to see if she really is the right one for me. if the girl is a mystery though, then we are both in trouble.

    yes, i will usually arrange 'schedules' and such (consciously or subconsciously) to be around her at opportune times.

    i will play the cold game for a while, usually until i know for SURE she is single. if this is a girl from class or somewhere i am at often, i dont want to find out too late she is taken. the shitty thing is that alot of times they flirt back and send me sexual energy BEFORE they mention their boyfriends. its not like i cant handle the situation, i just prefer it not to happen, at least for the sake i have to see them again. so i wait.

    my patience rivals that of siddhartha guatama himself when it comes to meeting the right girl. i keep our interactions polite and even professional. the eye contact is usually of a surface recognition of her as another human being. i am warm, friendly and i periodically let my sense of humor out for her. i test the waters, throwing things out there and gauging the reactions. i dont want it to seem obvious that i like her because, remember, she is supposed to be 'psychic' and madly in love with me.

    the eye contact becomes more frequent. and with the advent of the increased eye contact and the cutesy smiles comes the sexual energy. at this point i am comfortable enough with her to 'give it out'. that part is always fun and i like fucking with her in that way and i like it when she fucks with me in return.

    i was raised a gentleman and i kind of like that about my formative programming. the underlying current throughout all this is that if it is the real thing, i want it to be PURE, and do my best to keep my intentions as pure as i can, even if she looks like ALOT of fun in the sack. again, i dont want her to think her beauty means shit.

    after i find out she is single its only a matter of the peripheral situation, unless things are so cosmically aligned that i dont give a fuck and just dive in regardless of the peripherals. but, once i get the environmental green-light if i deem it necessary, all bets are off. its just a matter of whether or not i decide to make a move and when. it will be as simple as bullshitting her number out of her or even arranging a time to meet. i can be charming when i let myself.

    if i make her a mix cd, i REALLY like her. like, she'd be a DUMBASS to reject me at that point.

    one thing i have realized is that when i talk to a girl i really like, my words feel jumbled and silly. they kinda just pour out without much finesse. once i am comfortable with her it goes away and i become articulate as a motherfucker. mostly. unless i have to talk about my feelings. fuck that shit. shes supposed to know!

    if she is just looking for a friend (usually cause she JUST got out of a relationship with some schmuck) then i will play the game, but only to a certain point. im getting older and weary of the mind-games of the courtship dance. id rather things just be up front. i need a yes or no. im sick of wasting time once i am in the game.

    once the mutual attraction and desire is fully verified, i have no problem telling her i like her and that she is heartbreakingly gorgeous. but once we start seeing each other, that is a whole other story...
    Last edited by r.a; 07-10-2009 at 09:27 PM. Reason: grammar

  2. #52
    Junior Member Array thats.mana's Avatar
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    Apr 2009


    r.a that is a really good description, I can relate so much to it, from the shyness to the stumbling of words in conversation all the while day dreaming of the relationship from beginning to end.

    I find it so much easier to have a conversation with a women I have no interest in dating, even if I find her attractive. For example I meet a women that is unavailable, I can be the most charming, witty, intelligent man you've ever spoken to. Now put me into a conversation with someone I can picture myself dating and it is the most awkward conversation ever. It's almost as if I'm intimidated by being attracted to someone. Like being attracted makes me a stumbling fool.

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