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  1. #21
    Let's make this showy! raz's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lauren Ashley View Post
    Well, when I seem distant with a person, it's usually because I'm not sure of them and our relationship for some reason. It may be that I don't know them that well, they've said or done something to put me on guard, etc.
    You edited your post...err...sorry, SJ coming out.

    Like I said, she reciprocates anything I start with her. She'll be super friendly and want to talk to me, but she never says anything about her personal life unless I find a way to inquire about it and then she tells me. The only things I've found out about her, I had to observe and then question. It just makes me wonder if I didn't have to talk to her for work-related matters, if she'd even seek me out for conversation.


  2. #22
    Revelation Lauren Ashley's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by raz1337 View Post
    You edited your post...err...sorry, SJ coming out.

    Like I said, she reciprocates anything I start with her. She'll be super friendly and want to talk to me, but she never says anything about her personal life unless I find a way to inquire about it and then she tells me. The only things I've found out about her, I had to observe and then question. It just makes me wonder if I didn't have to talk to her for work-related matters, if she'd even seek me out for conversation.
    It's nothing personal, I think. Ni dominants live in their heads, so sometimes it doesn't hit them to initiate things with others instead of it always being the other way around.

    Maybe you should tell her that you've noticed this. INFJs really like to improve relationships (and themselves) and it will help in getting to know her better.

  3. #23
    o edward cullen! Ardea's Avatar
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    A question for INFJ men:

    How do you act when you're attracted to a female? Do you initiate conversations? Do you ask her to "hang out"? Do you decide to be where she'll be? Do you tell her that you want to be friends, even if you're doing ALL this?
    Practice random kindness and senseless acts of beauty.

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  4. #24
    nevermore lane777's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cimarron View Post
    How do you treat someone who is interested in you, but you're not interested in a relationship with them, assuming that you have to interact with that person in a group setting?
    I make a conscious effort to come off as indifferent (this is hard) - even though I may be very interested in their friendship.
    To die would be an awfully big adventure - Peter Pan

    INFJ ~ 4w5 sp/sx ~ RLOAI ~ Inclusion e/w=1/0 (Melancholy Compulsive) Control: e/w=0/6 (Supine) Affection: e/w=4/0 (Phlegmatic Melancholy)

  5. #25
    Temporal Mechanic. Lexicon's Avatar
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    Often I don't pick up on whether or not someone's romantically interested in me. Usually it's because we're already friends. See, my brother was my best friend growing up; we moved around most of my childhood. As a result, I've always been more comfortable having friendships with males as opposed to females. Sometimes it evolves into something more on their end and I don't realize it right away, and it's usually not reciprocated on my end. When this happens, I try to maintain the dynamic of our friendship and not treat them differently from any of the other guys, and hope that it dawns on them that I'm not interested in them romantically, without them realizing that I even picked up on their being interested all, and then they can just move on. Far less awkward that way. At the risk of being presumptuous, I'm not apt to approach them about it. However, when they address the issue directly, I don't have any problem with telling them how I do or don't feel, and that I hope we can remain friends as we had been. More often than not, we can, and for that, I'm truly grateful.

  6. #26
    IRL is not real Cimarron's Avatar
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    On the topic of making sure everything appears normal...treating the guy as "normally" and neutrally as possible:

    Suppose that before he made his feelings known to you, the two of you weren't really close friends, though you knew each other and liked hanging out together. Maybe after the "turning point", treating him "normally" isn't as easy because now he's drawn your attention to him, whereas before this you wouldn't have "noticed" him. And this means to treat him as an equal with the other guys you know, you're actually paying more attention to him, even though it's neutral attention, not positive attention. You get what I'm saying? Does that sound like it could happen, or is it a little too far-fetched?

    This was something strange I noticed happening after I asked that girl out.

    (Thanks again for the replies.)
    You can't spell "justice" without ISTJ.

  7. #27
    half-nut member briochick's Avatar
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    When a guy likes me and I don't like him back I tend to become very aloof, sometimes even rude. If I've decided I don't like him like *that*, in my mind, it's a sealed deal, and I don't want him going for me again. So, I'll do what I feel needs to be done to make sure I'm not made that uncomfortable again as to have to hurt him by turning him down. If he feels dissuaded from asking again I figure it can't hurt as much as me turning him down twice.
    -Brio

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  8. #28
    Temporal Mechanic. Lexicon's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cimarron View Post
    On the topic of making sure everything appears normal...treating the guy as "normally" and neutrally as possible:

    Suppose that before he made his feelings known to you, the two of you weren't really close friends, though you knew each other and liked hanging out together. Maybe after the "turning point", treating him "normally" isn't as easy because now he's drawn your attention to him, whereas before this you wouldn't have "noticed" him. And this means to treat him as an equal with the other guys you know, you're actually paying more attention to him, even though it's neutral attention, not positive attention. You get what I'm saying? Does that sound like it could happen, or is it a little too far-fetched?

    This was something strange I noticed happening after I asked that girl out.

    (Thanks again for the replies.)

    I guess I could see how that could happen.. as if she were making more of an effort to spare your feelings through treating you "neutrally/normally." Is that what you mean? I could see a lot of different types of people, not necessarily just INFJs, taking that route.
    I don't think that I've experienced that sort of social situation yet. I strive for total sincerity in all of my interactions with people. I couldn't waste the effort trying to make an acquaintance with an unrequited crush on me feel like a closer friend, well, for any reason. Unless I actually wanted to become better friends with him. Even then, I'd have to be sure to make it abundantly clear that friendship was all I was after, and if they were still hoping for something more, well, it ain't happening..

  9. #29
    IRL is not real Cimarron's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lexicon View Post
    I guess I could see how that could happen.. as if she were making more of an effort to spare your feelings through treating you "neutrally/normally." Is that what you mean? I could see a lot of different types of people, not necessarily just INFJs, taking that route.
    Yes, that's what I was trying to say. But I wanted to add in the nuances to give the full picture, just to make sure.

    Quote Originally Posted by Lexicon
    I don't think that I've experienced that sort of social situation yet. I strive for total sincerity in all of my interactions with people. I couldn't waste the effort trying to make an acquaintance with an unrequited crush on me feel like a closer friend, well, for any reason. Unless I actually wanted to become better friends with him. Even then, I'd have to be sure to make it abundantly clear that friendship was all I was after, and if they were still hoping for something more, well, it ain't happening..
    That makes sense, and it's why I doubt my little "explanation" above is very likely. Also, she didn't seem to want to become any better friends after that.

    At first, she avoided the question, I guess figuring I would get the hint, and to spare my feelings. It's hard to believe she would go that far to spare my feelings, though. She's usually pretty straightforward about her opinions.

    Like I said, I don't know if she's an INFJ really. I'm only talking about type at all to try to figure out the general thought scheme she might have had.


    Quote Originally Posted by briochick
    When a guy likes me and I don't like him back I tend to become very aloof, sometimes even rude. If I've decided I don't like him like *that*, in my mind, it's a sealed deal, and I don't want him going for me again. So, I'll do what I feel needs to be done to make sure I'm not made that uncomfortable again as to have to hurt him by turning him down. If he feels dissuaded from asking again I figure it can't hurt as much as me turning him down twice.
    Is that true even when you're still fine with him being your friend? Or is that your point, that this is for guys who you wouldn't want to be friends with anyway?
    Last edited by Cimarron; 12-14-2008 at 08:29 AM. Reason: briochick's post
    You can't spell "justice" without ISTJ.

  10. #30
    Temporal Mechanic. Lexicon's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cimarron View Post
    At first, she avoided the question, I guess figuring I would get the hint, and to spare my feelings. It's hard to believe she would go that far to spare my feelings, though. She's usually pretty straightforward about her opinions.
    Ehh, sometimes even the most straightforward chicks will take the indirect route in those situations, especially if they think you're a Nice Guy. No one likes to hurt the Nice Guy's feelings.:rolli:
    (I realize I'm being terribly general here.)

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