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  1. #1
    Senior Member sonata's Avatar
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    Default A Question for the INFPs

    So I have this INFP friend, whom I've known for years and care about quite a bit. Lately, she's been saying things like "I give up on my future" and being very down on herself in general, saying she is stupid or a failure. My assertions that she is none of these things don't seem to help, and I feel as if my words sound insincere even though I mean them.

    Any ideas for helping out a depressed INFP and boosting her confidence? Anyone who's been there, what would you want someone to say or do or ask?

  2. #2
    にゃん runvardh's Avatar
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    I'm still fighting my way out, but at least I have a few tangible indications of my abilities to remind me every once in a while. Then again that seems to only work if I saw someone fail at something seconds or minutes before my attempt makes it work. It's kind of hard to call yourself useless when it means you indirectly end up calling someone else useless as well.
    Dreams are best served manifest and tangible.

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  3. #3
    Senior Member quietmusician's Avatar
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    People call me smart all the time. And I never believe them. So I understand this way of thinking because I'm usually in this state of mind. And I have said the exact same words your friend did. I can't really say what works for others, but I need to dwell in my pessimistic moods before I can move on. But everyone is different, so I can't speak for all INFP's. So personally I don't like receiving opinions and thoughts from other's when I'm in that 'mode'. When I'm stressed I turn into a full INTP.

  4. #4
    almost nekkid scantilyclad's Avatar
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    there is probably nothing you can do.
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    Senior Member Chris_in_Orbit's Avatar
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    ^^^^ Ditto, you cannot help a person unless they want to help themselves...just be a good friend and remind her that she can always count on you...but at the same time don't try to make her change or whatever. I hope things work out for her.

  6. #6

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    Quote Originally Posted by sonata View Post
    So I have this INFP friend, whom I've known for years and care about quite a bit. Lately, she's been saying things like "I give up on my future" and being very down on herself in general, saying she is stupid or a failure. My assertions that she is none of these things don't seem to help, and I feel as if my words sound insincere even though I mean them.

    Any ideas for helping out a depressed INFP and boosting her confidence? Anyone who's been there, what would you want someone to say or do or ask?
    I'd offer affirmation like you have been, but help her explore it. Don't dismiss the idea outright.

    ie. don't make the affirmation defining; because if she has a reason to believe this way, the affirmation is just saying she is wrong and the thought is unjustified. Obviously she is thinking this way for some reason, so the question is why? Does it have merit? Does she want out of something? Is something restricting her and making her unhappy and not feel herself? Help her explore this. Or if she wants quiet to explore it on her own, let her. And just help her know you care.
    Freude, schöner Götterfunken Tochter aus Elysium, Wir betreten feuertrunken, Himmlische, dein Heiligtum! Deine Zauber binden wieder Was die Mode streng geteilt; Alle Menschen werden Brüder, Wo dein sanfter Flügel weilt.

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    Senior Member sonata's Avatar
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    Thanks for all the helpful suggestions.

    I'll try and keep my opinions to myself and just listen to her.

    I just don't like to see her this way. She has so much more potential than she gives herself credit for.

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  9. #9
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    Quote Originally Posted by sonata View Post
    My assertions that she is none of these things don't seem to help
    They don't. In fact, it held opposite for me, because I was so sure that if everyone knew who I really was, then they wouldn't have thought positively about me. And because they didn't know the "real" me, then I wasn't very close with them at all. And whenever I'd think that, it just sent me deeper into a depressive state.


    Any ideas for helping out a depressed INFP and boosting her confidence? Anyone who's been there, what would you want someone to say or do or ask?
    Don't give up on her. It'll be very difficult for you, as it'll seem as if you're the only one who's willing to put the energy into your relationship, and sometimes she'll even try to push you away. That was my reaction, anyway. Looking back at it, I'm seeing how selfish that was on my part. Odd.

    If she's out of college, I'm not sure how much help I can give.

  10. #10
    sophiloist Kaizer's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by sonata View Post
    Thanks for all the helpful suggestions.

    I'll try and keep my opinions to myself and just listen to her.

    I just don't like to see her this way. She has so much more potential than she gives herself credit for.
    might identifying your own type help? and also maybe give others insight to be better able to offer suggestions?

    generally speaking though, trying to walk in her shoes and then seeing it as an observer might put you a better position to be of constructive help without facing the kind of resistance that debilitates your endeavor. 2cents fwiw
    The answer must be in the attempt
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