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[INFP] A Question for the INFPs

sonata

New member
Joined
Dec 2, 2008
Messages
291
MBTI Type
iNtJ
So I have this INFP friend, whom I've known for years and care about quite a bit. Lately, she's been saying things like "I give up on my future" and being very down on herself in general, saying she is stupid or a failure. My assertions that she is none of these things don't seem to help, and I feel as if my words sound insincere even though I mean them.

Any ideas for helping out a depressed INFP and boosting her confidence? Anyone who's been there, what would you want someone to say or do or ask?
 

runvardh

にゃん
Joined
Jun 23, 2007
Messages
8,541
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
6w7
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
I'm still fighting my way out, but at least I have a few tangible indications of my abilities to remind me every once in a while. Then again that seems to only work if I saw someone fail at something seconds or minutes before my attempt makes it work. It's kind of hard to call yourself useless when it means you indirectly end up calling someone else useless as well.
 

quietmusician

New member
Joined
Nov 29, 2008
Messages
320
MBTI Type
INFJ
Enneagram
4
People call me smart all the time. And I never believe them. So I understand this way of thinking because I'm usually in this state of mind. And I have said the exact same words your friend did. I can't really say what works for others, but I need to dwell in my pessimistic moods before I can move on. But everyone is different, so I can't speak for all INFP's. So personally I don't like receiving opinions and thoughts from other's when I'm in that 'mode'. When I'm stressed I turn into a full INTP.
 

scantilyclad

almost nekkid
Joined
Jul 31, 2007
Messages
2,106
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
4w5
Instinctual Variant
so/sp
there is probably nothing you can do.
 

Chris_in_Orbit

New member
Joined
Jul 7, 2008
Messages
504
MBTI Type
ESTJ
^^^^ Ditto, you cannot help a person unless they want to help themselves...just be a good friend and remind her that she can always count on you...but at the same time don't try to make her change or whatever. I hope things work out for her.
 

BlueScreen

Fail 2.0
Joined
Nov 8, 2008
Messages
2,668
MBTI Type
YMCA
So I have this INFP friend, whom I've known for years and care about quite a bit. Lately, she's been saying things like "I give up on my future" and being very down on herself in general, saying she is stupid or a failure. My assertions that she is none of these things don't seem to help, and I feel as if my words sound insincere even though I mean them.

Any ideas for helping out a depressed INFP and boosting her confidence? Anyone who's been there, what would you want someone to say or do or ask?

I'd offer affirmation like you have been, but help her explore it. Don't dismiss the idea outright.

ie. don't make the affirmation defining; because if she has a reason to believe this way, the affirmation is just saying she is wrong and the thought is unjustified. Obviously she is thinking this way for some reason, so the question is why? Does it have merit? Does she want out of something? Is something restricting her and making her unhappy and not feel herself? Help her explore this. Or if she wants quiet to explore it on her own, let her. And just help her know you care.
 

sonata

New member
Joined
Dec 2, 2008
Messages
291
MBTI Type
iNtJ
Thanks for all the helpful suggestions.

I'll try and keep my opinions to myself and just listen to her.

I just don't like to see her this way. She has so much more potential than she gives herself credit for.
 

Nihilen

Permabanned
Joined
Oct 27, 2008
Messages
977
MBTI Type
ISTP
chopper.jpg
 

Neo Genesis

New member
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Oct 7, 2008
Messages
322
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InFp
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4w5
My assertions that she is none of these things don't seem to help

They don't. In fact, it held opposite for me, because I was so sure that if everyone knew who I really was, then they wouldn't have thought positively about me. And because they didn't know the "real" me, then I wasn't very close with them at all. And whenever I'd think that, it just sent me deeper into a depressive state.


Any ideas for helping out a depressed INFP and boosting her confidence? Anyone who's been there, what would you want someone to say or do or ask?

Don't give up on her. It'll be very difficult for you, as it'll seem as if you're the only one who's willing to put the energy into your relationship, and sometimes she'll even try to push you away. That was my reaction, anyway. Looking back at it, I'm seeing how selfish that was on my part. Odd.

If she's out of college, I'm not sure how much help I can give.
 

Kaizer

sophiloist
Joined
Aug 20, 2008
Messages
795
MBTI Type
INTp
Enneagram
5w4
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
Thanks for all the helpful suggestions.

I'll try and keep my opinions to myself and just listen to her.

I just don't like to see her this way. She has so much more potential than she gives herself credit for.

might identifying your own type help? and also maybe give others insight to be better able to offer suggestions?

generally speaking though, trying to walk in her shoes and then seeing it as an observer might put you a better position to be of constructive help without facing the kind of resistance that debilitates your endeavor. 2cents fwiw
 

Neo Genesis

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Oct 7, 2008
Messages
322
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InFp
Enneagram
4w5
Lol, why? Were you going to recommend her for counseling or something?

Haha, no. I just don't have very much expertise dealing with this subject, and IMO, the best strategies for depression differ with age. If she is in high school or college, then her experiences are similar to mine, but if she's past schooling, then I think the cause for her depression is rather different, and more serious.
 

sonata

New member
Joined
Dec 2, 2008
Messages
291
MBTI Type
iNtJ
Haha. No, she's not out of college. In fact, a part of this has to do with getting INTO college. So Neo Genesis, your perspective definitely helps. Thank you.
 

surgery

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Joined
Sep 28, 2007
Messages
257
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
Four
In fact, a part of this has to do with getting INTO college.

maybe help her out in practice. if she feels like she'd be unable achieve an acceptable grade on the SATs, or keep up in a certain class, or write an admissions essay, perhaps you could help map out practical steps that would help her get there. for example, develop plans of study or outline some topics. just something to instill a sense of confidence and hope.

perhaps, she just needs to be reminded of why she should go to college. i know i was pretty severely unhappy for a while until i started to cultivate a almost spiritual (but not exactly religious) calling as to why i should continue with life.

sorry, these are pretty vague since i don't know the details of why she feels so low.
 

jtanSis1

New member
Joined
Oct 1, 2008
Messages
291
MBTI Type
INFP
motivation and remembering goals really help. So does lots of affection and interest in them. Keep up and check often since were not sure about our own ideas, thinking we always can do better than what were doing. Give a channel for those ideas, like writing them down or talking about them, so that they stay ideas and don't become actions of feeling until we have a clear picture about what the idea is about so we can make a clear decision. I should take my own advice.
 
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