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  1. #21
    The High Priestess Amargith's Avatar
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    Try judging the situation with your T. What is really needed?

    If you are out to socialize and end up in a nice debate, remember that your first priority is to have a good time. Therefore yelling at your companions coz they are morons on some topic that happens to come up is not gonna work. That doesn't mean you cannot tell them you disagree, but stop right there, avoid the 'M' word (I know, I dramatized it a bit to make a point)

    If you have to get things done, then your T-side is perfect for the job.

    If you have a teamwork effort, you try to walk a tight rope. Try to organize everyone as best you can, but realize that you will get more out of them if you spare their feelings. Otherwise it'll be like working with a bunch of stubborn donkeys

    Note: this is the theory..I suck at putting it into practice as well
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    "Harm none, do as ye will”

  2. #22
    Earth Exalted Thursday's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by IDK123 View Post
    That's not the greatest definition of Fe and that definitely sounds more like an unhealthy Fe more than anything. I try to show respect to people that I don't care for but I don't go out of my way for them.
    http://www.typologycentral.com/forum...tml#post442017
    I N V I C T U S

  3. #23
    Senor Membrane
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    Quote Originally Posted by ThatGirl View Post
    Teach me how to be a feeler.
    Breath in. Relax, and remember: It's not hard.

    Quote Originally Posted by ThatGirl View Post
    What I need to learn to do is pull in the reigns a bit. i understand not everyone thinks like me, but when I try to get more feeler, its stiff and forced, and apparently awkward. Say for exapmle guy I talk to everyday walks up to me at work and says hello. I answered hows it going hows your day. He looked at me weird and walked away.
    I have no idea what is going on there...

    Quote Originally Posted by ThatGirl View Post
    Now another aspect is the fact that I think more feeler people get taken advantage of all the time. I observe it a lot. So it doesnt make sense to embrase such a trait. It makes me really uncomfortable. Ultimatley reluctant. Then a little rebelious.
    I guess it depends a lot what you want in life. I want people around so I am going to get screwed once in a while since I cant be watching out for backstabbers all the time. Even if I am betrayed it isn't like every friend who do this to me, so while I lost one friend there, I still may have made like a dozen friends at the same time.

  4. #24
    Senior Member mlittrell's Avatar
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    you can't learn how to be a feeler really... but you can develop your feeling so that its more easily accessible
    "Honest differences are often a healthy sign of progress. "

    "You must not lose faith in humanity. Humanity is an ocean; if a few drops of the ocean are dirty, the ocean does not become dirty."

    "An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind."

    Mahatma Gandhi

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  5. #25
    Seriously Delirious Udog's Avatar
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    Why do you want to develop your "Feeling"? Do you want to better communicate with Feelers? Is there something about them that you envy and wish to emulate? This is an important question, especially since...

    Quote Originally Posted by ThatGirl View Post
    Now another aspect is the fact that I think more feeler people get taken advantage of all the time. I observe it a lot. So it doesnt make sense to embrase such a trait. It makes me really uncomfortable. Ultimatley reluctant. Then a little rebelious.
    At least in some respects you do not like Feeling... which will make you pretty much destined to fail unless you can better focus on the positive aspects of being value oriented.

  6. #26
    78% me Eruca's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by mlittrell View Post
    you can't learn how to be a feeler really... but you can develop your feeling so that its more easily accessible
    I souldnt of had to read all the way to page three to find this statement. Thank you mlittrel, for stating the obvious.

    Question for Thatgirl: Are you an especially strong T?
    I hope I'm wrong, but I believe that he is a fraud, and I think despite all of his rhetoric about being a champion of the working class, it will turn out to be hollow -- Bernie Sanders on Trump

  7. #27
    Let's make this showy! raz's Avatar
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    I'm 100% thinker in my head and 50/50 thinker/feeler in real life situations. Trying to imagine someone who has morals and values and regards for other people swirling through their head is just so....foreign to me. I mean, how can you live like that? That was rhetorical. I'm just explaining how different it is to me. I told a customer last night, "I check my morals and ethics at the door" and they just stood there looking at me, not saying a word.

    Maybe it's an ISTJ thing, but like I said, I'm more of a feeler in a thinker way in terms of how I communicate. It's usually a "if I say this out loud, someone will probably start a fight with me and it might end up ugly, so I'll be quiet" thought. My boss is such a feeler, and I've learned to be more passive-aggressive about my thinking approach. That might be a bad thing, though.

    We can't help it if we're hungry to tear apart people's reasoning. My sister wanted to start college classes, and I sat in the kitchen the other night with her(ESFJ), my sister(ENFJ), and my mother(ESFJ) thinking through the pros and cons of it. I kept having to pace my questioning because each one of them was taking the argument personally while I was sitting there sifting through the facts treating it like a math problem.

  8. #28
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by raz1337 View Post
    I'm 100% thinker in my head and 50/50 thinker/feeler in real life situations. Trying to imagine someone who has morals and values and regards for other people swirling through their head is just so....foreign to me. I mean, how can you live like that? That was rhetorical. I'm just explaining how different it is to me. I told a customer last night, "I check my morals and ethics at the door" and they just stood there looking at me, not saying a word.

    Maybe it's an ISTJ thing, but like I said, I'm more of a feeler in a thinker way in terms of how I communicate. It's usually a "if I say this out loud, someone will probably start a fight with me and it might end up ugly, so I'll be quiet" thought. My boss is such a feeler, and I've learned to be more passive-aggressive about my thinking approach. That might be a bad thing, though.

    We can't help it if we're hungry to tear apart people's reasoning. My sister wanted to start college classes, and I sat in the kitchen the other night with her(ESFJ), my sister(ENFJ), and my mother(ESFJ) thinking through the pros and cons of it. I kept having to pace my questioning because each one of them was taking the argument personally while I was sitting there sifting through the facts treating it like a math problem.

    that's so interesting to me...the ability to separate them like that...like putting them on the table and dissecting them....very interesting. i wish i could do that...i guess i do when i'm in analytical mode...privately in my own head...but in the moment...i can't separate it or step outside of it at all.
    being an extroverted feeler to me is basically walkin around telling everyone how you feel all the time...good and bad

    like the boy at work thatgirl...i might not just say hi how are you...i might say...hey i love talkin to you...we should hang out more...i think you're so funny and super cute....(i mean if that's what i really thought.)
    and that's probably weird right!?? too expressive...you wouldn't want that....if you do i'll trade ya.
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
    -Jim Morrison

  9. #29
    Senior Member Fiver's Avatar
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    There is a big disconnect between thoughts and emotions for me.

    Sometimes I notice that I'm having an emotional reaction and I have to sit down to quietly think "what am I feeling and why." For example, if I notice I'm agitated I would have to ask myself, "Am I upset? Am I worried, Am I nervous; What am I?" And then I have to ponder "Why would I be worried right now?" Then if it's negative, I think through ways to get rid of it like Raz described.

    I don't think I can become more feeling myself. But I have learned to respect people who are. Now, I try to always have Feelers around me as interpreters to tell me what's going on. (Someone who can lean over and whisper in my ear, "Hey, you just pissed off that guy who came up and said hi to you.")

    Also, if someone consistently responds as a Feeler, I can begin to see the pattern and predict when and how they are going to react. That is not being a Feeler, but it is a bridge.
    Quote Originally Posted by pippi View Post
    Fiver is correct, it is freeing to not have to impress someone, to be accepted for who you really are.

  10. #30
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Fiver View Post
    There is a big disconnect between thoughts and emotions for me.

    Sometimes I notice that I'm having an emotional reaction and I have to sit down to quietly think "what am I feeling and why." For example, if I notice I'm agitated I would have to ask myself, "Am I upset? Am I worried, Am I nervous; What am I?" And then I have to ponder "Why would I be worried right now?" Then if it's negative, I think through ways to get rid of it like Raz described.

    I don't think I can become more feeling myself. But I have learned to respect people who are. Now, I try to always have Feelers around me as interpreters to tell me what's going on. (Someone who can lean over and whisper in my ear, "Hey, you just pissed off that guy who came up and said hi to you.")

    Also, if someone consistently responds as a Feeler, I can begin to see the pattern and predict when and how they are going to react. That is not being a Feeler, but it is a bridge.
    this sort of stuff is fascinating to me!! so interesting!! i do the opposite...i have overwhelming feelings and have to try really hard to figure out what i think about them!!
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
    -Jim Morrison

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