[Jungian Cognitive Functions] Teach me how to be a feeler.

[Amargith]

Try judging the situation with your T. What is really needed?

If you are out to socialize and end up in a nice debate, remember that your first priority is to have a good time. Therefore yelling at your companions coz they are morons on some topic that happens to come up is not gonna work. That doesn't mean you cannot tell them you disagree, but stop right there, avoid the 'M' word (I know, I dramatized it a bit to make a point)

If you have to get things done, then your T-side is perfect for the job.

If you have a teamwork effort, you try to walk a tight rope. Try to organize everyone as best you can, but realize that you will get more out of them if you spare their feelings. Otherwise it'll be like working with a bunch of stubborn donkeys

Note: this is the theory..I suck at putting it into practice as well

 

[Thursday]

That's not the greatest definition of Fe and that definitely sounds more like an unhealthy Fe more than anything. I try to show respect to people that I don't care for but I don't go out of my way for them.

http://www.typologycentral.com/forums/nf-idyllic/11554-teach-me-how-feeler-2.html#post442017

 

[nolla]

Teach me how to be a feeler.

Breath in. Relax, and remember: It's not hard.

What I need to learn to do is pull in the reigns a bit. i understand not everyone thinks like me, but when I try to get more feeler, its stiff and forced, and apparently awkward. Say for exapmle guy I talk to everyday walks up to me at work and says hello. I answered hows it going hows your day. He looked at me weird and walked away.

I have no idea what is going on there...

Now another aspect is the fact that I think more feeler people get taken advantage of all the time. I observe it a lot. So it doesnt make sense to embrase such a trait. It makes me really uncomfortable. Ultimatley reluctant. Then a little rebelious.

I guess it depends a lot what you want in life. I want people around so I am going to get screwed once in a while since I cant be watching out for backstabbers all the time. Even if I am betrayed it isn't like every friend who do this to me, so while I lost one friend there, I still may have made like a dozen friends at the same time.

 

[mlittrell]

you can't learn how to be a feeler really... but you can develop your feeling so that its more easily accessible

 

[Udog]

Why do you want to develop your "Feeling"? Do you want to better communicate with Feelers? Is there something about them that you envy and wish to emulate? This is an important question, especially since...

Now another aspect is the fact that I think more feeler people get taken advantage of all the time. I observe it a lot. So it doesnt make sense to embrase such a trait. It makes me really uncomfortable. Ultimatley reluctant. Then a little rebelious.

At least in some respects you do not like Feeling... which will make you pretty much destined to fail unless you can better focus on the positive aspects of being value oriented.

 

[Eruca]

you can't learn how to be a feeler really... but you can develop your feeling so that its more easily accessible

I souldnt of had to read all the way to page three to find this statement. Thank you mlittrel, for stating the obvious.

Question for Thatgirl: Are you an especially strong T?

 

[raz]

I'm 100% thinker in my head and 50/50 thinker/feeler in real life situations. Trying to imagine someone who has morals and values and regards for other people swirling through their head is just so....foreign to me. I mean, how can you live like that? That was rhetorical. I'm just explaining how different it is to me. I told a customer last night, "I check my morals and ethics at the door" and they just stood there looking at me, not saying a word.

Maybe it's an ISTJ thing, but like I said, I'm more of a feeler in a thinker way in terms of how I communicate. It's usually a "if I say this out loud, someone will probably start a fight with me and it might end up ugly, so I'll be quiet" thought. My boss is such a feeler, and I've learned to be more passive-aggressive about my thinking approach. That might be a bad thing, though.

We can't help it if we're hungry to tear apart people's reasoning. My sister wanted to start college classes, and I sat in the kitchen the other night with her(ESFJ), my sister(ENFJ), and my mother(ESFJ) thinking through the pros and cons of it. I kept having to pace my questioning because each one of them was taking the argument personally while I was sitting there sifting through the facts treating it like a math problem.

 

[Lady_X]

I'm 100% thinker in my head and 50/50 thinker/feeler in real life situations. Trying to imagine someone who has morals and values and regards for other people swirling through their head is just so....foreign to me. I mean, how can you live like that? That was rhetorical. I'm just explaining how different it is to me. I told a customer last night, "I check my morals and ethics at the door" and they just stood there looking at me, not saying a word.

Maybe it's an ISTJ thing, but like I said, I'm more of a feeler in a thinker way in terms of how I communicate. It's usually a "if I say this out loud, someone will probably start a fight with me and it might end up ugly, so I'll be quiet" thought. My boss is such a feeler, and I've learned to be more passive-aggressive about my thinking approach. That might be a bad thing, though.

We can't help it if we're hungry to tear apart people's reasoning. My sister wanted to start college classes, and I sat in the kitchen the other night with her(ESFJ), my sister(ENFJ), and my mother(ESFJ) thinking through the pros and cons of it. I kept having to pace my questioning because each one of them was taking the argument personally while I was sitting there sifting through the facts treating it like a math problem.

that's so interesting to me...the ability to separate them like that...like putting them on the table and dissecting them....very interesting. i wish i could do that...i guess i do when i'm in analytical mode...privately in my own head...but in the moment...i can't separate it or step outside of it at all.
being an extroverted feeler to me is basically walkin around telling everyone how you feel all the time...good and bad

like the boy at work thatgirl...i might not just say hi how are you...i might say...hey i love talkin to you...we should hang out more...i think you're so funny and super cute....(i mean if that's what i really thought.)
and that's probably weird right!?? too expressive...you wouldn't want that....if you do i'll trade ya.

 

[Fiver]

There is a big disconnect between thoughts and emotions for me.

Sometimes I notice that I'm having an emotional reaction and I have to sit down to quietly think "what am I feeling and why." For example, if I notice I'm agitated I would have to ask myself, "Am I upset? Am I worried, Am I nervous; What am I?" And then I have to ponder "Why would I be worried right now?" Then if it's negative, I think through ways to get rid of it like Raz described.

I don't think I can become more feeling myself. But I have learned to respect people who are. Now, I try to always have Feelers around me as interpreters to tell me what's going on. (Someone who can lean over and whisper in my ear, "Hey, you just pissed off that guy who came up and said hi to you.")

Also, if someone consistently responds as a Feeler, I can begin to see the pattern and predict when and how they are going to react. That is not being a Feeler, but it is a bridge.

 

[Lady_X]

There is a big disconnect between thoughts and emotions for me.

Sometimes I notice that I'm having an emotional reaction and I have to sit down to quietly think "what am I feeling and why." For example, if I notice I'm agitated I would have to ask myself, "Am I upset? Am I worried, Am I nervous; What am I?" And then I have to ponder "Why would I be worried right now?" Then if it's negative, I think through ways to get rid of it like Raz described.

I don't think I can become more feeling myself. But I have learned to respect people who are. Now, I try to always have Feelers around me as interpreters to tell me what's going on. (Someone who can lean over and whisper in my ear, "Hey, you just pissed off that guy who came up and said hi to you.")

Also, if someone consistently responds as a Feeler, I can begin to see the pattern and predict when and how they are going to react. That is not being a Feeler, but it is a bridge.

this sort of stuff is fascinating to me!! so interesting!! i do the opposite...i have overwhelming feelings and have to try really hard to figure out what i think about them!!

 

[raz]

this sort of stuff is fascinating to me!! so interesting!! i do the opposite...i have overwhelming feelings and have to try really hard to figure out what i think about them!!

I can't stand them! Yesterday in my english class, we were discussing an essay written about Facebook and technology in schools. Every time someone brought up a point, I'd play devil's advocate and say, "But, at the opposite end of the spectrum, this might happen..." or I'd constantly just criticize someone's opinion. There's an ENFP girl that sits at the table behind me and she...is...so...annoying. She's always talking, always has an opinion about something that's morally wrong, and always thinks she's misunderstood.

I'm always looking at her and thinking, "Aren't you so cute, trying to get your creativity and opinions noticed!" Our teacher asked us to write on the board things we think can be hated, and she wrote "People who assume things they don't know." As soon as she wrote that, I had a lightbulb moment, and wrote, "People who think they are unique regardless of outside circumstances." :X

 

[Lady_X]

see...and now i'm trying to figure out if i should be offended...haha
since i don't know ya and i'm not sure i understand your point... i guess i'll choose not to be

 

[raz]

see...and now i'm trying to figure out if i should be offended...haha
since i don't know ya and i'm not sure i understand your point... i guess i'll choose not to be

I was just venting. ENFPs get on my nerves. Are you a nice ENFP?

 

[Lady_X]

^^ it's okay... feeling's mutual i can't blame ya...we're quite different.

eta: sorry...not you specifically...just the istj's i know

 

[Jack Flak]

Yeah e.a.'s nice like Cujo!

 

[Jae Rae]

This was a seriously nice (ie, respectful) interchange. Thanks, you two.

 

[The Third Rider]

I can't stand them! Yesterday in my english class, we were discussing an essay written about Facebook and technology in schools. Every time someone brought up a point, I'd play devil's advocate and say, "But, at the opposite end of the spectrum, this might happen..." or I'd constantly just criticize someone's opinion. There's an ENFP girl that sits at the table behind me and she...is...so...annoying. She's always talking, always has an opinion about something that's morally wrong, and always thinks she's misunderstood.

I'm always looking at her and thinking, "Aren't you so cute, trying to get your creativity and opinions noticed!" Our teacher asked us to write on the board things we think can be hated, and she wrote "People who assume things they don't know." As soon as she wrote that, I had a lightbulb moment, and wrote, "People who think they are unique regardless of outside circumstances." :X

haha, I wonder if she picked up the hint.

 

[proteanmix]

ok
its all about chewing your words.
your Fe, which needs to beef up, is all about that
being polite and kind, even if you don't mean it.
its easing over problems to keep " harmony "

sorry if i came off harsh - its the Fi

You are describing an either undeveloped or an unhealthy feeler, Thursday. In which case your advice is inadvisable. I don't think anyone should ever act nice and not mean it. Lies lead to major misunderstandings. Eekers.

Seconded. Thursday, dearest you are not describing healthy Fe or Fi for that matter.

true
is it so wrong being nice no matter what?
sucking it up and being nice?
i didn't say kiss ass or be fake
i don't like a lot of people for that very reason
but, since i don't want conflict, i simply ignore them
when they say hi, i'll say hi...but nothing more
no added sugar, and certainly no " I hate you " salt

Yeah, that's what I do too.

Thatgirl, I don't know how to tell you to be a feeler.

I know what I've done to try and increase my thinking skills. Maybe you could apply them to yourself.

When I've caught myself just being me I know that I'm a more reactive person and I don't think things through fully. I decide quickly. To other people it seems like there's some major thought going on, but I think that's just the assuredness in the decision not necessarily any thought. And it's funny how much confidence in a decision (right or wrong) strikes people as a thoughtful decision and they follow along.

For me to "think" (this language isn't right but it's what I'll use) in the way you want to learn how to "feel" I have to be consciously telling myself STOP and THINK. Think things through just one step further than what I normally would do. That means I have to tell myself don't think about how this effects people (you may ask yourself how will this affect others), don't think about how I personally feel about it, just look at things in a very just the facts and nothing else way and take those factors into consideration in my decision making process. I temporarily tamp down my natural interpersonal and intrapersonal impulses. Sometimes I make a mental pro/con list to help me sort this out. I also like mental Venn diagrams so I can get a warm and fuzzy compromise.

When I went to buy a digital camera earlier this year, I grabbed one of my INTJ friends and headed to Best Buy. I got there, read a few descriptions and was prepared to buy. I thought I was grinding my thinking gears and was patting myself on the back. She stopped me, told me to do research, figure out what I wanted my digital camera to do (ISO? shutter speed? megapixels? price?) and make a decision based on that and come back and buy once I'd figured that stuff out. End result is a got a good camera way cheaper online than rolling up in the store and walking out with a camera.

Personally, I know that impersonal decision making isn't something that comes naturally to me. Thankfully there's not many purely impersonal decisions to be made out there. Since I know this, I have my "thinking" consultants I get feedback from. They're good people so I trust them. We usually exchange services so it's a cozy little agreement we have worked out.

 

[ThatGirl]

I told my friend today that I would go to her birthday party . Even though it makes no sense for me to attend. Because she said it is important to her.


Still can't gaurentee I will be able to attend though. Does that count?

 

[nolla]

I told my friend today that I would go to her birthday party . Even though it makes no sense for me to attend. Because she said it is important to her.


Still can't gaurentee I will be able to attend though. Does that count?

Yes, I think it counts. You are showing that you want to go there because you will make her happy, not because "it makes sense". It's a nice gesture. (Sure, some people overdo this by doing always as their friends want, but...)