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Thread: Disparity

  1. #1
    Senior Member placebo's Avatar
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    Default Disparity

    There are some times when the disparity between who I am and who I possibly could be, or who I want to be, seems so great and depressing that I wonder if I will ever lose this feeling or if it will stay with me for the rest of my life. Is it a matter of learning how to love oneself, or a perfectionistic quality?

    Right now I feel this disparity pulling me two ways--down about myself, weakening me and discouraging me, and upwards, pushing me to be better than I am. It's a tough tug-of-war.

    I'm unaware of how others might experience, or to what degree they experience it. I have an idea that NFs might feel it greatly, seeing that they are called the Idealists.

    How can I become the person I want to be? And is it possible?

    Share your thoughts? your solutions?

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    movin melodies kiddykat's Avatar
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    Remember the person you looked up to and admired when you were young? Whether it may a fictional character or someone who inspired you? Idols. . Keep them in mind. Whoever you envision your inspired self to be, be that person today!

    Let the kid inside you live and at the same time, grow, without losing the essence of who you truly are, at heart. Remember where you came from. That's the best way I can phrase it. ;D

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    señor member colmena's Avatar
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    This is relevant, and I'm happy to talk it through.


    An ideal exists in our present and comes from our past?
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    Ti Ne Fi Ni

    -How beautiful, this pale Endymion hour.
    -What are you talking about?
    -Endymion, my dear. A beautiful youth possessed by the moon.
    -Well, forget about him and get to bed.
    -Yes, my dear.

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    Badoom~ Skyward's Avatar
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    I totally agree with Viv. Its great to have a goal, but its terrible to never feel that you can make it there. My goal is to be myself, and that's a daunting one already

    ENFPs seem to have the best 'I'm me, screw your manipulations' attitude ( Captain Chick being a great example ) that Ive decided to grab until I found a true thing that I want to be.

    The disparity thing is always tough to deal with, on one hand you have high hopes and ideals and on the other (Ni shadow function?) you feel that they are unattainable, like the climbers at Everest. It was tough shit but they pulled through.

    A lot of improving one's self is just being happy with improvements, not completion. Perfection isn't a destination, its a hard-slogged journey that ruins LOTS of boots!

    Reiterating Viv: Be yourself, find your roots and go back to them.

    And exercising regularly is very nice A brisk walk a few times a week is lovely for clearing the mind and strengthening the body.
    'Imperfection is beauty, madness is genius and its better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring.' - Marilyn Monroe

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    Quote Originally Posted by Viv View Post
    Remember the person you looked up to and admired when you were young? Whether it may a fictional character or someone who inspired you? Idols. . Keep them in mind.
    I do.


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    Senior Member Nonsensical's Avatar
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    I think it's an INFP thing, because i feel the exact same way. I always struggle to keep my center..you know, who i really am (if I really do know who I am :P) and i always criticize myself and think that i should be better, smarter, stronger, and all these things, and it always keeps me on my toes, chasing all these different things that i think I should be more like..and the more i run, the more I get depressed about it..the more I realize that i am who I am. I guess we should learn to love ourselves until we can truly feel like we are what we want to be..
    Is it that by its indefiniteness it shadows forth the heartless voids and immensities of the universe, and thus stabs us from behind with the thought of annihilation, when beholding the white depths of the milky way?

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    Senior Member placebo's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Viv View Post
    Remember the person you looked up to and admired when you were young? Whether it may a fictional character or someone who inspired you? Idols. . Keep them in mind. Whoever you envision your inspired self to be, be that person today!

    Let the kid inside you live and at the same time, grow, without losing the essence of who you truly are, at heart. Remember where you came from. That's the best way I can phrase it. ;D
    That's good advice. I've been told before how important it is to keep that child's sense of wonder. People who are depressed have lost that ability to be awed by everything in the world. I know it's not something I ever want to lose, but it doesn't come so easily anymore. I remember as I was becoming a teen I could feel myself losing it. I didn't question things so thoroughly in the same way--I began to assume to know things, like we do as we get older. In a very conscious way I didn't want to lose my child's mind, but it was just something that had to happen.

    I don't really remember looking up to and admiring anyone when I was young, but nowadays I do. And it's true, it tends to help once you find the right people.

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    Senior Member placebo's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by colmena View Post
    This is relevant, and I'm happy to talk it through.


    An ideal exists in our present and comes from our past?
    I don't know where ideals come from when I think about it... or as in wanting to be an ideal. What kind of ideas do you mean when you say it comes from our past.

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    Senior Member placebo's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Skyward View Post
    I totally agree with Viv. Its great to have a goal, but its terrible to never feel that you can make it there. My goal is to be myself, and that's a daunting one already

    ENFPs seem to have the best 'I'm me, screw your manipulations' attitude ( Captain Chick being a great example ) that Ive decided to grab until I found a true thing that I want to be.

    The disparity thing is always tough to deal with, on one hand you have high hopes and ideals and on the other (Ni shadow function?) you feel that they are unattainable, like the climbers at Everest. It was tough shit but they pulled through.

    A lot of improving one's self is just being happy with improvements, not completion. Perfection isn't a destination, its a hard-slogged journey that ruins LOTS of boots!

    Reiterating Viv: Be yourself, find your roots and go back to them.

    And exercising regularly is very nice A brisk walk a few times a week is lovely for clearing the mind and strengthening the body.
    It does seem from the ENFPs I can think of that they do have that attitude, and it's one I generally share, but it seems as if they're more able to outwardly express it.

    Also the thing is, I never really have a goal in mind--which might be part of the problem--because I don't have a clear view of where I'm trying to go.


    Quote Originally Posted by OneWithSoul View Post
    I think it's an INFP thing, because i feel the exact same way. I always struggle to keep my center..you know, who i really am (if I really do know who I am :P) and i always criticize myself and think that i should be better, smarter, stronger, and all these things, and it always keeps me on my toes, chasing all these different things that i think I should be more like..and the more i run, the more I get depressed about it..the more I realize that i am who I am. I guess we should learn to love ourselves until we can truly feel like we are what we want to be..
    Haha it's true the more you think about it and go on about it, the worse it gets. It's funny that you say 'I guess we should learn to love ourselves until we can truly feel like we are what we want to be' but the possibility of it sounds somewhat uncertain and far away, and that's the kind of feeling that hangs around

  10. #10
    señor member colmena's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by placebo View Post
    I don't know where ideals come from when I think about it... or as in wanting to be an ideal. What kind of ideas do you mean when you say it comes from our past?
    INFPs often have the acute awareness of virtuous human potential. They're so inclined towards and covetous of this eudaimonian ideal that they will suffer something of a developmental hypermetropia. The nobility of strengthening a moral compass is undermined by the aversion to instrumental values. They're blinded by the light.

    So what is an ideal: Our past's positive projection? They ostensibly come from ourselves, or we wouldn't be able to discern one's ideals from another's. So there is a silver lining in an ideal's intrinsic projection. They are born of your mind, and from whatever it is that makes us who we are: from the balance of hormones bestowed upon us in the womb, to each new experience undergone.

    So it is important to come to terms -- or even embrace -- the fact that our experiences will affect personality, and in turn, our ideals. It is paramount to not be disheartened by their temporal nature, but to consider them accumulative, growing, evolving, and organic; as are we. So discard the longsighted self-doubt, and begin to consider, and then assign yourself, the instrumental values required to reach each new ideal. This adaptive mindset should also help embracing environment, relationships, as well as the present moment.
    Last edited by colmena; 12-09-2008 at 09:47 PM.
    http://badges.mypersonality.info/badge/0/6/68764.png
    Ti Ne Fi Ni

    -How beautiful, this pale Endymion hour.
    -What are you talking about?
    -Endymion, my dear. A beautiful youth possessed by the moon.
    -Well, forget about him and get to bed.
    -Yes, my dear.

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