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  1. #11
    Senior Member Wild horses's Avatar
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    My friend who is ENFJ went completely off the charts when she became depressed.. out of interest do we become our shadow selves just under stress or is it under other psychological states deviating from the normal as well. I would say she became alot more irratic than usual missing deadlines unpredictable...
    ... couldn't drag me away

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  2. #12
    Junior Member
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    I am resurrecting an old thread but I feel a bit under the weather lately.
    The problem is, I have lived in a place where I have very few friends for some years now. Being ENFJ and stuff, I went out trying to make friends, and tried, and tried and tried, but was not very successful at it. So I've lived in relative isolation (I have some friends, I am just used to many more) for an extended period of time. And that is not a natural state for ENFJ.

    When sad, I turn into a hermit too. It's just something about trying to preserve your social butterfly self and not put the sad vulnerable one out there to people that might not necessarily understand. I wonder why - being Fe - we all seem to have this mechanism.. it's like we do not trust people will try to help us & love us with as much patience as we usually love them - and we kinda need this intensity of care from others when we are down (INFPs seem to be very good at that though!).

    Anyway, my isolation was coupled with other stress over extended period of time: difficulty finding work, living in a foreign culture that I don't like, just normal day-to-day stuff. I am putting a lot of energy trying to leave this country and move to a different one, but I feel drained all the time. I just don't quite know where to get the energy from, so decided to drop in here on all of you, my fellow ENFJs and see if we could chat about our dark days a bit and maybe make them a bit lighter.

  3. #13
    Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Limonali View Post
    living in a foreign culture that I don't like
    Could you be more specific pls?


    Also, if somebody who used to be a close friend tries to contact the ENFJ and the latter does not respond, how can I tell if the ENFJ is hermitting, hates me or something else?

  4. #14
    Senior Member Joehobo's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Limonali View Post
    I am resurrecting an old thread but I feel a bit under the weather lately.
    The problem is, I have lived in a place where I have very few friends for some years now. Being ENFJ and stuff, I went out trying to make friends, and tried, and tried and tried, but was not very successful at it. So I've lived in relative isolation (I have some friends, I am just used to many more) for an extended period of time. And that is not a natural state for ENFJ.

    When sad, I turn into a hermit too. It's just something about trying to preserve your social butterfly self and not put the sad vulnerable one out there to people that might not necessarily understand. I wonder why - being Fe - we all seem to have this mechanism.. it's like we do not trust people will try to help us & love us with as much patience as we usually love them - and we kinda need this intensity of care from others when we are down (INFPs seem to be very good at that though!).

    Anyway, my isolation was coupled with other stress over extended period of time: difficulty finding work, living in a foreign culture that I don't like, just normal day-to-day stuff. I am putting a lot of energy trying to leave this country and move to a different one, but I feel drained all the time. I just don't quite know where to get the energy from, so decided to drop in here on all of you, my fellow ENFJs and see if we could chat about our dark days a bit and maybe make them a bit lighter.
    All you need is more INFP love.

    There doesn't seem to be many ENFJ's here but I hope one has pmed you so far.
    Maybe all you really need is that encouragement that you yourself may give alot to others, a change of scenery would probably do you wonders.
    From what I've experienced with an ENFJ.. just need something to look forward to, a plan in the works so to speak, keeping busy and being around good people that have a good influence.

  5. #15
    Senior Member Neutralpov's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Limonali View Post
    I am resurrecting an old thread but I feel a bit under the weather lately.
    The problem is, I have lived in a place where I have very few friends for some years now. Being ENFJ and stuff, I went out trying to make friends, and tried, and tried and tried, but was not very successful at it. So I've lived in relative isolation (I have some friends, I am just used to many more) for an extended period of time. And that is not a natural state for ENFJ.

    When sad, I turn into a hermit too. It's just something about trying to preserve your social butterfly self and not put the sad vulnerable one out there to people that might not necessarily understand. I wonder why - being Fe - we all seem to have this mechanism.. it's like we do not trust people will try to help us & love us with as much patience as we usually love them - and we kinda need this intensity of care from others when we are down (INFPs seem to be very good at that though!).

    Anyway, my isolation was coupled with other stress over extended period of time: difficulty finding work, living in a foreign culture that I don't like, just normal day-to-day stuff. I am putting a lot of energy trying to leave this country and move to a different one, but I feel drained all the time. I just don't quite know where to get the energy from, so decided to drop in here on all of you, my fellow ENFJs and see if we could chat about our dark days a bit and maybe make them a bit lighter.
    Yeah we need another ENFJ to help us almost. I find that when in "the grip" I am not aware of the level of stress I am under and tend to think I am just fine. I also wouldn't dump in my friends if in a true anxious or depressed state. I find seeing a therapist most helpful. I have only ever been for a few sessions after a serious change/breakup but it helped see that I was internally dark, critical, thought I should have known it all, and very hard on myself (enneagram 1). But they helped me hold and pause on decision making until I passed out of the temporary grip state (2-3 weeks, and some small decisions for the better) and then help me see it next time so I could be aware of it. Basically only the person who can handle the real problem, mental stress and thoughts being overwhelming, can help. Not a friend.
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