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[INFJ] INFJs/therapists/motivation

karenk

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So I've seen a couple of posts by INFJs saying therapists have asked if they should continue going because they seem to have things worked out, etc.. This happened to me too. It seems therapists might not be able to provide us with as much new insight.

I found this description of INFJ and wonder if this could be a reason therapy could still be useful for us. Do INFJs relate to this description? Would therapy be a good place to get this or any other ideas?

This was categorized under the section on our inferior extraverted sensing function:
"The...own world is one of indecision and hesitation when it comes to taking action and striking out on their own. What best removes this hesitation is when someone else really wants them to do something. The...then relies on the other person's strong desire to mobilize them to action, as if the force of their desire were their own."
 

redacted

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Honestly, every INFJ I've come across has been in serious need of therapy.

My last therapist couldn't help me much because I already "knew" all the answers. But you just gotta find a therapist that takes you out of your comfort zone....I've figured more out in the last month with this therapist than entire years with any of my others.

And, believe me, I thought I had myself completely figured out. Truth is, it's just a cover-up.
 

karenk

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Honestly, every INFJ I've come across has been in serious need of therapy.

My last therapist couldn't help me much because I already "knew" all the answers. But you just gotta find a therapist that takes you out of your comfort zone....I've figured more out in the last month with this therapist than entire years with any of my others.

And, believe me, I thought I had myself completely figured out. Truth is, it's just a cover-up.

Yea, I don't think I have myself figured out. It's just what the therapists tend to tell us-unfortunately. My last experience it turned into chatting and actually hearing my therapist's problems. I kind of gave up trying to find one.....which I guess could tie into the "hesitation" mentioned in my first post. ha.
 

redacted

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Yea, I don't think I have myself figured out at all. It's just what the therapists tend to tell us-unfortunately. I kind of gave up trying to find one for this purpose, so I started to focus on the motivation purpose.

There are good ones out there.
 

cafe

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I liked my last one a lot. Cognitive therapy was very helpful for me and I made good progress once I was able to change my perspective.
 

cherchair

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I liked my last one a lot. Cognitive therapy was very helpful for me and I made good progress once I was able to change my perspective.

I'd be really interested in how cognitive therapy changed your perspective. Cognitive therapy has been strongly recommended for me b/c of the bipolar, but in the wasteland of public mental healthcare, it's very hard to find. I've had numerous therapists over the years and it's often turned into chatting sessions with the therapist confiding his/her problems OR trying to get me to consider medication OR missing the bipolar altogether and coming up with some really wild dxs (weird since I have bipolar I and my symptoms are pretty classic--I have been dx'd four times with bipolar during psych evals).


I read something the other day that said INFJs and INTJs are way overrepresented among those of us with bipolar. I'll have to see if I can find it. Small sampling of about 100 who took MBTI, all of whom had a dx of bipolar. INFJs came out at about 17%, INTJs 14%.

My current therapist is pretty decent with good boundaries and we deal mostly with how I'm coping with the bipolar in my life, which I find useful as she has some good insights. Unfortunately, we don't get much past the label: e.g., was this decision made during a manic/hypomanic phase. Even when I'm in remission (rare), we don't get down to personality/motivation issues but talk more about how to prolong it. Unfortunately she ascribes some behavior to the bipolar that I believe goes deeper than that.

The other problem is that I see her in a public health clinic setting and she's not as available as I'd like. For example, I have a lot of heavy-duty stressors (most of which have to do with indecision) going on right now and there'll be a month between sessions at the same time my psychiatrist is unavailable until Dec. 24 (has been out of the country since Oct). I'm aware of early mania/mixed mood symptoms--which is probably why I'm too chatty here. Anyway, I'm thrown back on myself and "home remedies," like trying to get more sleep, forcing myself to eat despite lack of appetite, sticking to my routine, all of which is hard because of the nature of the stressors.

Sometimes I wonder if I don't have bipolar at all but am just strongly INFJ. OTOH, I respond to psych meds and there's a strong family history, so... Still, it would be nice not to have to deal with the side effects of the meds and to deal with personality issues in therapy. Ironically, doubting my dx is one of the very early signs that I'm getting ill again. Shit. What I need is a Depakote level (it was a little low in Oct.) to see if a dose increase would help nip this thing in the bud and maybe someone to talk to about my indecision. I really do not want to spend Christmas on a locked psych unit (not likely; just one of my fears).

Okay, way too much once more, and is it really OP?
 

cafe

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We had crappy private insurance when I was seeing my therapist. She saw me, but I ended up with a pretty big bill, which took us awhile to pay off.

I was dxed with bipolar type 2, but since some of my stressors have been removed (poverty and a crazy mom) I've settled into seasonal affective disorder. My family doc prescribed Celexa and though it's reduced my appetite and makes me sleepy, it does seem to be helping.
 

SoAndSo

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So I've seen a couple of posts by INFJs saying therapists have asked if they should continue going because they seem to have things worked out, etc.. This happened to me too. It seems therapists might not be able to provide us with as much new insight.

I found this description of INFJ and wonder if this could be a reason therapy could still be useful for us. Do INFJs relate to this description? Would therapy be a good place to get this or any other ideas?

This was categorized under the section on our inferior extraverted sensing function:
"The...own world is one of indecision and hesitation when it comes to taking action and striking out on their own. What best removes this hesitation is when someone else really wants them to do something. The...then relies on the other person's strong desire to mobilize them to action, as if the force of their desire were their own."


I can certainly identify with that description. I too got the, "do you need to keep coming" speech from a therapist. I would really like to find one that will push me out of my comfort zone and help me be able to do that myself instead of relying on others to tell me to "jump".
 

Lotr246

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If you have ever participated in group therapy, do you find that more helpful than your one-on-one sessions?
 

Dash

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The last time I went to a therapist was when I was about 10...and it was for my extreme anxiety (which I JUST realized could've been caused in part by my family's religious "insanity"). It didn't work well, as she couldn't even get me to do breathing techniques. I said "I can't...my stomach hurts too much to do it". Looking back though, my stomach didn't actually hurt. It was if I "knew" that I had to stay a paniced-freakazoid. Which long story short, would make sense now. Though, my anxiety has calmed down at least 70%.

I've thought about going to a therapist, but I know that s/he wouldn't be able to do anything for me. I don't need answers/solutions, I need support. My family is still spiritually insane, I'm still a 3rd parent, and my family is still massively-unstable.

So, I came up with a solution. "Kinky" as it may be, it works pretty damn well. I create my own therapist. Yup, that's right. I have an "imaginary friend" of sorts lol. I've always been exceedingly good at making "holographic-people" (lol), so it's only natural for me that I create a therapist. Maybe that's my dominant Ni?

Anyway, in direct response to the OP, I think that at least a good portion of INFJs don't need "therapy". They go to a therapist in search for someone who can provide them with emotional support. AKA, love. Saddly, therapists don't tend to "love" their clients (at least, not outwardly). So we end up being a bit like birds flying into a glass window =/.
 

briochick

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I get the feeling that a lot of infjs go to therapy because we are too sensitive to stressors to be able to deal with an entire *world* that's catered toward all personality types but ours (and I don't believe I'm hyper bowling here). I'd also be willing to say that we're more...receptive to environmental disorders i.e. post traumatic stress, or borderline personality. I personally found that dbt(dialectic behavior therapy) and cognitive therapy worked quite well for me.

I would not go into group therapy. *points to self* Introvert, it would never work. But, with just one person I can be honest and listen honestly. Now, not all my therapists were good. One told me I aught to be bitter, which I *knew* was wrong because I *knew* even then that my bitterness was compounding my problems. Another (same office) wanted to do the memory therapy before working with me on how to *deal* with those memories. 1 month with her, nearly a month of missed uni classes. Then I found two good ones. I may still need more but I'm ok enough now that I can deal and live and the society I'm in seriously shuns any kind of psychiatric help. I've diverged onto me haven't I? Sorry.

Point being, there are good therapists out there, society wasn't made for the sensitive spiritual infjs, I think they probably over medicate us, but sometimes meds are good when they're in moderation, and we shouldn't ever give up.
 

Kestrel

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I've honestly never been to any kind of therapy. I guess I must have hit the jackpot when it comes to the ideal family for an INFJ to grow up in. My parents were ISFJ (dad) and InFJ (mom).

Having a parent with the same temperament as myself was a Godsend, especially when dealing with typical INFJ problems. Like feeling out of place, not having easily recognized strengths, dealing with reality not matching ideals, etc. I had someone who could relate to me. Imagine that?

I don't think any of us NEED therapy. We just need someone to talk to and bounce our ideas off of and engage in passionate, meaningful discussion from time to time. It also helps to have someone actually challenge our perspective and force out of our fantasy-world comfort zones sometimes. It's a shame that it's so hard to find someone that fits the bill.
 

Lauren Ashley

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^Agree 100 percent. I've never been to therapy and I don't see the need for it. I have great people that I can share things with, and they understand and encourage me (ENTP brother, ISFJ, INTP, and INFP friends).
 
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karenk

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So, I came up with a solution. "Kinky" as it may be, it works pretty damn well. I create my own therapist. Yup, that's right. I have an "imaginary friend" of sorts lol. I've always been exceedingly good at making "holographic-people" (lol), so it's only natural for me that I create a therapist. Maybe that's my dominant Ni?

Actually that makes its own kind of sense. I read on that purple-dolphin-infj site that INFJs figure out what actions they want to take by talking things through due to our Fe judging function. So she said it's helpful to talk your thoughts outloud to yourself too. (I haven't tried this yet but I would make sure nobody was around or it may not be understood well. ha!)
 

Dash

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Actually that makes its own kind of sense. I read on that purple-dolphin-infj site that INFJs figure out what actions they want to take by talking things through due to our Fe judging function. So she said it's helpful to talk your thoughts outloud to yourself too. (I haven't tried this yet but I would make sure nobody was around or it may not be understood well. ha!)

Ah yes! I remember that site lol. I actually joined the mailing list =/...haven't had time to get into it though. It's like diving into a ROARING river. I'd have to stop being on here, AND stop being on youtube.

That would actually make sense about Fe...I have a really hard time thinking about that kind of stuff on my own. And apparently, an imaginary doesn't count as "on my own" @_@.

Talking seems to work "okay" for me, but another person (and I use the term loosely) works a LOT better. Especially since you don't have to worry about filtering. Not to mention you don't have to worry about other people hearing your conversation lol (assuming you can keep the conversation in your head).

Have you ever created a "personal therapist"? Based on what you said, you didn't sound like you have. Oh well though =P.
 

wanderlust

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Anyway, in direct response to the OP, I think that at least a good portion of INFJs don't need "therapy". They go to a therapist in search for someone who can provide them with emotional support. AKA, love. Saddly, therapists don't tend to "love" their clients (at least, not outwardly). So we end up being a bit like birds flying into a glass window =/.
I completely agree. My mom makes me go to a new therapist every once in a while. It's usually after I've become extremely stressed. Some of the therapists have even been naturopaths in her never ending search to find something that "works". I generally know what's wrong, and when I explain to them all about what's been happening, they always say that I'm very intelligent, I understand what's happening, I'm doing the best things I can, and there's nothing else I can do. After a few weeks of sessions, and the therapist explaining to my mom that there's nothing I can do, I usually stop going. The therapist can't actually help me when I have a good grasp of what's wrong and what's going on. I really only go to make my mom feel better, and, selfish as it may be, have someone tell me that they understand, and that it will be alright. Plus, the venting can help loads.

I get the feeling that a lot of infjs go to therapy because we are too sensitive to stressors to be able to deal with an entire *world* that's catered toward all personality types but ours (and I don't believe I'm hyper bowling here). I'd also be willing to say that we're more...receptive to environmental disorders i.e. post traumatic stress, or borderline personality. I personally found that dbt(dialectic behavior therapy) and cognitive therapy worked quite well for me.
This is exactly me! I love how this forum helps you find people who are like you and actually do understand what you feel, and how you think.

Stress just comes way to easily for me. It's funny how some things that exhilarate other people are what sends me home way too emotional, and what makes me happiest, stresses them out to the max.

Plus, maybe it's just me, but when I'm stressed, I find that, being an INFJ, I'm really in tune with my body and even the slightest bit of stress or discomfort can connect with that. Whether it be a small headache, a migraine, a cold, or being in so much pain I have to go to the hospital (this has actually happened to me as a result of stress), either built up daily stress, or one big emotional blow, my body is really in tune with how I feel and will tell me when enough is enough. Ni lets me escape in a fantasy world when needed, so I can ignore my surrounding very well, and also acts as a stress inhibitor sometimes. So even if I don't notice it, sure enough my body will let me know when I'm stressed. The fact that I'm extremely moody and overtly emotional probably doesn't help any either....:wubbie:
 

karenk

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Have you ever created a "personal therapist"? Based on what you said, you didn't sound like you have. Oh well though =P.

No I haven't. I never had any imaginary friends as a kid though either. It seems along the same lines, which is....creative. =P I have found that I could think about an issue for a long time in my head and it just kind of gets turned around. Then I can have a 3 minute conversation about it with someone and I figure out a new connection or decide on some action. It's funny because when this has happened the other person didn't even give any input.
 

Dash

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No I haven't. I never had any imaginary friends as a kid though either. It seems along the same lines, which is....creative. =P I have found that I could think about an issue for a long time in my head and it just kind of gets turned around. Then I can have a 3 minute conversation about it with someone and I figure out a new connection or decide on some action. It's funny because when this has happened the other person didn't even give any input.

Ah I see, you use real people instead of imaginary ones lol. It seems that us INFJs REALLY utilize the phrase "Can I bounce an idea off of you?". Lmao. Fe FTW =).
 

wolfmaiden14

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Dash - I've totally thought about creating a therapist character.. well.. sort of. Especially since I want to be a counselor, I figured I could just talk out or write out what I want to say, and then figure out what my response would be if it were someone else telling me the same thing. I don't know if I'm at a point where I want to take THAT objective a view of myself yet, though. XD

I think just talking things out with someone really, really, really helps. Even if for nothing more than bypassing that whole "it made sense in my head..." Sometimes just SAYING something out loud makes you realize how silly it actually is, or how wrong it feels once that thought is put to words. Like.. it's this abstract concept in your head, and then your mouth is some magical barrier and once it crosses it, it materializes and it becomes obvious it won't work/isn't true.

I have a friend that I call my big brother because he does just that for me. He's a sounding board. He's one of the few people in the world who "gets" that I'm just throwing out ideas and just listens and helps guide my thoughts. I have so many different angles and possibilities in my head and I can use process of elimination to knock some off, and then talk in circles until I keep coming back to the same conclusion. Other people, parents, and I would think therapists in particular (I've never actually seen one myself) are so keen to take pieces of what you're saying and start giving you feedback as if it's what you're really thinking/feeling, when actually it's only a perspective/possibility you're focusing on at that moment. Then you get nowhere because you just feel misunderstood, and have been given all this advice you didn't really need. Meanwhile, the other person feels progress has been made, and you leave still feeling confused, and with MORE information to sort out than you started with. :huh: My Bro actually did stop me like that in the middle of one of these sessions, throwing out some advice that I wasn't ready to deal with, and I lost some trust and stopped seeking his counsel for awhile because of it. I eventually talked to him about it and he apologized, having realized immediately after that all of the above are the reasons I confide in him. That I NEED him to just be there until I reason things out on my own.

I think INFJs have that nice self awareness and ability to cope with it that would make therapists feel un-needed. (Probably why I haven't actually gone to one. Coupled with lack of insurance. XD) Yet.. it's just that we need help to get THROUGH the thought process, so it's still very much needed. That's why I'm not surprised cognitive therapy has worked nicely for cafe.

Plus, I think it's typical for all people to feel bad unloading their problems on someone, so no matter how good of friends you have, it's still nicer to have the excuse to just let it flow and not worry about being selfish. I know when I'm with my friends I'll end up bottling or cutting short what I want to say, because I'd rather worry about them.
 

eclare

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Not precisely on target, but I was wondering if anyone else has the same problem with therapy that I do. That is, I always feel bad for monopolizing the conversation and want to ask my therapist if there's anything on her mind or that she wants to talk about. I have to constantly remind myself that I am paying boku bucks to spend an hour being completely selfish.

On topic, I have been lucky enough to work with therapists that I can bounce ideas off of. Also, in my younger years before I had enough experience in life to evaluate my own history I had a therapist who was terrific at pegging things about me that I knew but never articulated to myself. These were great AHA moments that helped a lot.

These days I find the best approach for therapy for me is to go less frequently. Instead I make appointments only when I am dealing with something that I cannot work out on my own.
 
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