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Thread: NJs and Ps

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    Default NJs and Ps

    I've noted when speaking with Ps they are often indirect and passive-aggressive. Instead of asking for information they want, they tend phish and phish and phish for it. When they want to tell you something that may potentially cause conflict, they often drop a series of clues until you "get it." I love Ps but get annoyed, because I think they are looking for me take care of their unstated and indirect needs. I hate to be burdened by others in this manner.

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    Heh. Maybe I'm a P.
    “There are two novels that can change a bookish fourteen-year old’s life: The Lord of the Rings and Atlas Shrugged. One is a childish fantasy that often engenders a lifelong obsession with its unbelievable heroes, leading to an emotionally stunted, socially crippled adulthood, unable to deal with the real world. The other, of course, involves orcs.”
    ~ John Rogers

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    felt_up: that's your role as NJ. Enjoy it!

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    Heh. This doesn't happen to me on a regular basis. My close P-friends are pretty good at asking for what they want. I don't think it's common to all Ps.

    When it does happen, though, I enjoy working the conversation so that the person has to ask for what s/he wants. If nothing else, I resort to, "Are you saying that you'd like me to ...?" If there's more wiggle and avoidance, I look confused and question, "So, does that mean Yes, you'd like me to do it, or No, you wouldn't like me to?"

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    Quote Originally Posted by felt up View Post
    I've noted when speaking with Ps they are often indirect and passive-aggressive. Instead of asking for information they want, they tend phish and phish and phish for it. When they want to tell you something that may potentially cause conflict, they often drop a series of clues until you "get it." I love Ps but get annoyed, because I think they are looking for me take care of their unstated and indirect needs. I hate to be burdened by others in this manner.
    You might see that more in FP, as they're trying to avoid hurting feelings by saying something overtly -- I think TP is more blunt in the end about it, it's more just a desire to not commit to a strategy until they feel you out.

    I think you should understand how annoying it is from our side when you NJ types think we're trying to play you for nefarious reasons and not understanding that partly it's to avoid pressuring YOU to a course of action you might not like, because we know how hard it is for you to say no if you feel socially responsible.

    I always found it annoying when INFJs insisted on fixing something I didn't want them to fix, or when they take charge when all I wanted to do was share something with them. The NJ need for closure can be very invasive sometimes to a P looking for the "best" answer.

    No offense meant, I don't know you, but it has definitely been a pattern I've experienced. Does any of that ring a bell on your end, or are you seeing something else as well?

    (And sorry this is so blunt -- I thought I was on INTPc! Then again, why should I soften it? We can be upfront here, can't we?)


    Quote Originally Posted by faith View Post
    When it does happen, though, I enjoy working the conversation so that the person has to ask for what s/he wants. If nothing else, I resort to, "Are you saying that you'd like me to ...?" If there's more wiggle and avoidance, I look confused and question, "So, does that mean Yes, you'd like me to do it, or No, you wouldn't like me to?"
    Oh, you wicked wicked woman!!!

    "Hey Capa -- We're only stardust." ~ "Sunshine"

    “Pleasure to me is wonder—the unexplored, the unexpected, the thing that is hidden and the changeless thing that lurks behind superficial mutability. To trace the remote in the immediate; the eternal in the ephemeral; the past in the present; the infinite in the finite; these are to me the springs of delight and beauty.” ~ H.P. Lovecraft

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    Quote Originally Posted by lorkan View Post
    felt_up: that's your role as NJ. Enjoy it!
    Never!

    I dunno. Maybe, it's because I'm 90-something, that N it drives me bonkers.

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    Quote Originally Posted by faith View Post
    Heh. This doesn't happen to me on a regular basis. My close P-friends are pretty good at asking for what they want. I don't think it's common to all Ps.

    When it does happen, though, I enjoy working the conversation so that the person has to ask for what s/he wants. If nothing else, I resort to, "Are you saying that you'd like me to ...?" If there's more wiggle and avoidance, I look confused and question, "So, does that mean Yes, you'd like me to do it, or No, you wouldn't like me to?"
    Faith I do this too. I'll suggest ever so delicately until they have to come right out and state what they mean.

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    Me, my father (INTP), my sisters boyfriend (INFP) and the rest of the family decorated my sisters and the boyfriends furnituers in their new appartment sometime ago. We all went nuts at their P-ness and they themselves went nuts at the rest of us who didnt accept their perfect scheme of how the furnitures should have been decorated. The problem was though that they never told anyone how they wanted them to be. They didn't say anything! I think it might help if they would be honest instead and say that they really didn't have a plan and it was just about trial&error. If they would be honest I wouldn't be so angry at them for deliberatly trying to confuse me all the time.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Jennifer View Post
    You might see that more in FP, as they're trying to avoid hurting feelings by saying something overtly -- I think TP is more blunt in the end about it, it's more just a desire to not commit to a strategy until they feel you out.

    I think you should understand how annoying it is from our side when you NJ types think we're trying to play you for nefarious reasons and not understanding that partly it's to avoid pressuring YOU to a course of action you might not like, because we know how hard it is for you to say no if you feel socially responsible.

    I always found it annoying when INFJs insisted on fixing something I didn't want them to fix, or when they take charge when all I wanted to do was share something with them. The NJ need for closure can be very invasive sometimes to a P looking for the "best" answer.

    No offense meant, I don't know you, but it has definitely been a pattern I've experienced. Does any of that ring a bell on your end, or are you seeing something else as well?

    (And sorry this is so blunt -- I thought I was on INTPc! Then again, why should I soften it? We can be upfront here, can't we?)
    Jennifer, I think you need to be more direct and tell us how you really feel so we can work on your coming to some kind of resolution on this issue. I mean, how do you expect to get anything done if you don't make up your mind??
    “There are two novels that can change a bookish fourteen-year old’s life: The Lord of the Rings and Atlas Shrugged. One is a childish fantasy that often engenders a lifelong obsession with its unbelievable heroes, leading to an emotionally stunted, socially crippled adulthood, unable to deal with the real world. The other, of course, involves orcs.”
    ~ John Rogers

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    Boring old fossil Night's Avatar
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    Ps are probably my favorite type to interact with. They have the fortitude to remain patient with my NJ need for decisiveness without feeling threatened or annoyed.

    NPs aren't necessarily passive-aggressive or indirect with their behavior, either...

    Folks like Jack Flak, Bluewing, Rajah and Nocapszy are some of the most forthright people I've met online.

    Whether this tendency moves into practice offline is academic. It seems logical to believe that online behavior at least in part mimics our real life approaches.

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