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[INFP] Heavy sense of self and other

jeeze

New member
Joined
Nov 22, 2008
Messages
26
MBTI Type
infp
This is a feeling that has plagued my soul since I was a child. I have this incredibly heavy sense of self-awareness, maybe it feels like worry, which tends to sit above my stomach. I mean I can actually feel it. It's not often debilitating, nor is the feeling always around, but it does linger too often. I will tend to feel out of place even around people I've know my whole life, and will tend to avoid people because the amount of energy I use to try to feel that I am appearing normal just sucks. It's like I need to ask people if I'm okay.

Also I tend to feel too much about the other. It's like I can't help but read too deep into a persons "real" feelings, whatever that is. I can't help but feel there is a deeper meaning to peoples expressions. Doing this also takes up a lot of energy from me. I really just want to feel light and airy when talking with people. I want the feeling of being in the now without the feeling of some deeper thing going on.

I'm not sure if I'm explaining this well, maybe someone can help draw out what I'm getting at. Does this description sound any part INFP, or am I just depressed?
 

disregard

mrs
Joined
Apr 23, 2007
Messages
7,826
MBTI Type
INFP
I can relate to this. Perhaps you have a fear of abandonment which keeps you always on your guard for "proof" that you are going to be rejected?
 

Lady_X

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 27, 2008
Messages
18,235
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
784
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
interesting and i'm sorry

i can relate to the extreme sensitivity of people and their emotions...i have that too...but my expression is quite different.
it sounds like extreme introversion and maybe a lil social anxiety...have you ever been told you have anxiety?
you might need something for that.
and maybe you are depressed and projecting your negative self image onto everyone else...like putting up a mirror
i am sorry...you should definitely look into it though because you should at least feel at peace being with those who you are close to.
 

prplchknz

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 11, 2007
Messages
34,397
MBTI Type
yupp
no you aren't depressed. well maybe, i don't know. but I feel that way as well, some of the time. except I hate not being normal, I mean I like being normal. But I use to want to be something great. I realized I'm too lazy for greatness, so normal works.
 

nolla

Senor Membrane
Joined
May 22, 2008
Messages
3,166
MBTI Type
INFP
I relate. I don't feel that much self-conscious anymore, though. I guess the "people reading" will never go away (and it actually is one of the most valuable gifts you have), so you'll just need to find ways to live with that and make it work for you. But, the self-consciousness can be dropped. It needs quite a lot of thinking, but I think it is possible. I'd suggest that you think about your life philosophy. Are you as important person as anyone else? Who can tell what you should or shouldn't do? What are your values? When you find out the answers, try to apply them to your life. Live your life as you think you should.
 

jeeze

New member
Joined
Nov 22, 2008
Messages
26
MBTI Type
infp
Hey thanks nolla. Yeah the people reading thing takes a lot from me. This combined with the self-consciousness is sometimes too much. Am I as important as anyone else? I say absolutely; the thing is I feel that we are all pretty damn insignificant. This is not a contrived statement for the sake of this discussion. My life philosophy would be something like this: I feel too profoundly because you and I are insignificant. It's disappointing for me to see life as being so futile. I often loathe the trivialities of life:wake, eat, conform in terms of standing in line, waiting, working, socializing, seeing the greed. And the rant goes on.
 

bronte

New member
Joined
Nov 4, 2008
Messages
168
MBTI Type
infp
I can relate Jeeze - I'm much less self conscious now - part of that has been about growing older and feeling much more confident - and part of it is about finding your passion in life - when youre totally engaged you forget to be self conscious! Nolla is spot on about identifying your life philosophy and personal values

I still find the people reading a very mixed blessing - often I would like to be able to switch it off! The problem often is that you soak up people's pain like a sponge and that's exhausting - not good for you!

To cope with this I try to distract myself and practice not 'feeling' so much - its very hard to do - but I realise that I need to - doing something physical (exercise) helps - or something which is completely absorbing - reading for example.

Sometimes I think that you need to put yourself out there and force yourself to interact with others (to overcome some of that social anxiety erinavry talked about ) but back this up with plenty time doing what you want on your own and looking after yourself.

I know the mundane aspects of life drive me mad too - I hate routine - but know that everybody needs some level of routine in their life to function - It helps me to schedule regular short breaks when I can do exactly what I want for a couple of days! To indulge my P!!
 

nolla

Senor Membrane
Joined
May 22, 2008
Messages
3,166
MBTI Type
INFP
Sometimes I think that you need to put yourself out there and force yourself to interact with others (to overcome some of that social anxiety erinavry talked about )

Yes. I agree. Way back when I had little knowledge about the introvert-extrovert dichotomy I forced myself to be more active socially and it was one of the smartest things I ever did, even though I later found out that it is basically impossible for me to be as extrovert as the extroverts. It doesn't get you anywhere if you spend all of your time inside your head.

Yeah the people reading thing takes a lot from me.

It will get easier. I think it is about understanding more and more about why people do what they do or feel how they feel. So, the more you read people, the more you understand them and the more you accept their feelings and behavior, since you know where it is coming from. It's like forgiving through understanding.

My life philosophy would be something like this: I feel too profoundly because you and I are insignificant. It's disappointing for me to see life as being so futile. I often loathe the trivialities of life:wake, eat, conform in terms of standing in line, waiting, working, socializing, seeing the greed. And the rant goes on.

Yeah... I've felt that way. I guess that if you go long enough on that road without becoming cynical, you will find some more comforting perspective. I haven't found much of a meaning for my life, but if it is there, it has to do with people I care about. You know, there are few people to whom I am not insignificant and as their lives are priceless then my life would have meaning if I could help but one of them.

There is something bizarre about INFPs. We are quite people oriented and introverted. It seems sometimes impossible to combine, but I am hopeful.

Oh, and by the way, life isn't futile if you don't let it be. I often feel frustrated that this world has no appreciation for the things I do best, I think that in the past there has been respect for the people like me, but then again I wouldn't want to live in the past anyway. There are ways to make your life important. If you compare the importance of your life to some presidents or whatever, it will be a small contribution, but still... I believe that if you have a life philosophy that you apply and that has any positive effect on the world (no matter how small scale), your life hasn't been futile.
 
G

Glycerine

Guest
I think the emotionl sensitivity is a gift and a curse for the NF temperament but probably tends to affect the INFP a bit more. I deal with this, too, at times. The real question is what is normal? Maybe you can take naps, go for walks, read a book, listen to music, or just zone out for a bit when this happens. Those things might help if you feel overwhelmed by all the emotional energy in the room.
 

nolla

Senor Membrane
Joined
May 22, 2008
Messages
3,166
MBTI Type
INFP
Maybe you can take naps, go for walks, read a book, listen to music, or just zone out for a bit when this happens. Those things might help if you feel overwhelmed by all the emotional energy in the room.

Yes, these are good ways to get a break. When I was still living with my father and the atmosphere turned into negative for too long, I used to take long walks in the forest to get my mind empty. I also started to sleep with a different pattern than anyone else so that I could have some peace and quiet when they were sleeping. I don't recommend this, though... the habit dies hard, I still sleep at weird times.
 

vince

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Joined
Oct 8, 2007
Messages
320
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INFJ
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6w
jeeze, I relate to whatever it is you described 110%. I don't know how old you are, but I'm 29 and kind of used to all you mentioned. I became aware of it around my twenties or even earlier. I believe certain people -and even certain (herd) animals- have a heightened awareness, that serves a purpose (imho). It's a bit confusing cause it resembles social anxiety and it deviates from the social norm.

On life being pointless : i'm in it for the occasional extasy, and only then and there, I know it's all worth it.
 

Brutus01

New member
Joined
Jun 19, 2008
Messages
23
MBTI Type
INFP
This is a feeling that has plagued my soul since I was a child. I have this incredibly heavy sense of self-awareness, maybe it feels like worry, which tends to sit above my stomach. I mean I can actually feel it. It's not often debilitating, nor is the feeling always around, but it does linger too often. I will tend to feel out of place even around people I've know my whole life, and will tend to avoid people because the amount of energy I use to try to feel that I am appearing normal just sucks. It's like I need to ask people if I'm okay.

Also I tend to feel too much about the other. It's like I can't help but read too deep into a persons "real" feelings, whatever that is. I can't help but feel there is a deeper meaning to peoples expressions. Doing this also takes up a lot of energy from me. I really just want to feel light and airy when talking with people. I want the feeling of being in the now without the feeling of some deeper thing going on.

I'm not sure if I'm explaining this well, maybe someone can help draw out what I'm getting at. Does this description sound any part INFP, or am I just depressed?

I can completely relate to everything you said. Im in the same boat, i often feel overwhelmed. Lately ive tried just completely shutting myself off emotionally, and as bad as it sounds, its the most refreshing thing i have experienced in a really long time. Granted i can only manage to do it once in every decade so far:blush:
 

nolla

Senor Membrane
Joined
May 22, 2008
Messages
3,166
MBTI Type
INFP
Lately ive tried just completely shutting myself off emotionally

You can do that?! :shock: How was it? I have maybe come close to that when I was depressed, and maybe couple of times in a crisis situation that needed someone doing stuff and not freaking out, but I've never thought I could (or would) do it consciously...
 

quietmusician

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Joined
Nov 29, 2008
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320
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INFJ
Enneagram
4
I can shut myself off emotionally. Not all the time, but it takes something small to ruin my mood so then I get in an everything sucks mode and stay there. My self awareness doesn't go away either. Sucks, right? And I get the energy aspect of it. That alone is tiring. I don't think depression is a part of it, but then again I'm not a doctor. But my honest opinion is that if you were depressed, I don't think you'd have to question it.
 

Skyward

Badoom~
Joined
Jul 3, 2008
Messages
1,084
MBTI Type
infj
Enneagram
9w1
I'm not a really high F compared to some, but I know how that in very well. For me it was just a lost grasp of self (Strong enough Te to wanna KNOW what's going on besides feeling what's going on, grrr I need a leash for that brute. :doh:) and it was a yoyo of high energy vs low energy.

Its still self exploration and self-consciousness (Still a battle... stupid contingency planning Ne/Si/Te combo :steam:)
 

alcea rosea

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Joined
Nov 11, 2007
Messages
3,658
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ENFP
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7w6
Also I tend to feel too much about the other. It's like I can't help but read too deep into a persons "real" feelings, whatever that is. I can't help but feel there is a deeper meaning to peoples expressions. Doing this also takes up a lot of energy from me. I really just want to feel light and airy when talking with people. I want the feeling of being in the now without the feeling of some deeper thing going on.

Do you mean that you get sucked into feeling other people's feelings? Because I do and it's very difficult for me to get rid of it unless I first get away from those people. Very negative people are the worst. They are totally pulling me down.

I've learned to shut my sensing off beforehand or put things away (mentally) when something is taking a too big toll on me. But in intense people situation or intense group situation - it is nearly impossible for me to feel my own emotions. I'm a chameleon in that way even if I absolutely hate it. Myabe I'll learn to deal with it someday...
 

jtanSis1

New member
Joined
Oct 1, 2008
Messages
291
MBTI Type
INFP
you should read up on the 7 chakras and you would find that your soul is at the 4th or higher stage where you become overly compassionate, but also start to realize that your separating from most of the populous since most are now below you in spiritual maturity. Just a guess, can't be sure with these things.
 

MissMurder

New member
Joined
Oct 18, 2008
Messages
177
MBTI Type
eSTP
This is a feeling that has plagued my soul since I was a child. I have this incredibly heavy sense of self-awareness, maybe it feels like worry, which tends to sit above my stomach. I mean I can actually feel it. It's not often debilitating, nor is the feeling always around, but it does linger too often. I will tend to feel out of place even around people I've know my whole life, and will tend to avoid people because the amount of energy I use to try to feel that I am appearing normal just sucks. It's like I need to ask people if I'm okay.

Also I tend to feel too much about the other. It's like I can't help but read too deep into a persons "real" feelings, whatever that is. I can't help but feel there is a deeper meaning to peoples expressions. Doing this also takes up a lot of energy from me. I really just want to feel light and airy when talking with people. I want the feeling of being in the now without the feeling of some deeper thing going on.

I'm not sure if I'm explaining this well, maybe someone can help draw out what I'm getting at. Does this description sound any part INFP, or am I just depressed?

Most of this sounds exactly like an INFP I know. He's even described that physical sensation you were talking about since he was a child. So, either you're both really weird INFPs, you're both mistyped and are actually something else, you both have the same disorder, or... this could be true to type.
 

Llewellyn

New member
Joined
Oct 30, 2008
Messages
330
MBTI Type
INtj
Enneagram
9w1
This is a feeling that has plagued my soul since I was a child. I have this incredibly heavy sense of self-awareness, maybe it feels like worry, which tends to sit above my stomach. I mean I can actually feel it. It's not often debilitating, nor is the feeling always around, but it does linger too often. I will tend to feel out of place even around people I've know my whole life, and will tend to avoid people because the amount of energy I use to try to feel that I am appearing normal just sucks. It's like I need to ask people if I'm okay.

Also I tend to feel too much about the other. It's like I can't help but read too deep into a persons "real" feelings, whatever that is. I can't help but feel there is a deeper meaning to peoples expressions. Doing this also takes up a lot of energy from me. I really just want to feel light and airy when talking with people. I want the feeling of being in the now without the feeling of some deeper thing going on.

I'm not sure if I'm explaining this well, maybe someone can help draw out what I'm getting at. Does this description sound any part INFP, or am I just depressed?

Yesterday an INFP friend of me explained something like this in exactly the same terms (the need to know or fear of there being something underneath people's expressions). She didn't feel too good, by the way. She said she might come to this forum if she'd think of it.

I went to look up something about Fi for her (on this forum) because somewhere I heard it was a function relatively higher in consciousness, so in a way less attached to deeper consciousness or the subconscious (if i'm right).

Seen from other answers in this thread it's not just INFP. I can also relate to this in the sense that all the time I'm determining my attitude even to people I'm close to. With all the good of the world I can't get that right feeling. I attribute this to Ti, on my type's occasion. It's then that I think intensely much into things, not only people but music for example. I'm completely following the score, even the composition of the piece (if I don't put an effort preventing that). I'm trying to fight this out now. And yeah, I'm also very aware of myself and of the other, but not so much of the connection (or maybe actually I do and therefore tend to avoid it, and it's not too good). In stead of sensing this contact I try to think it.

Most of this sounds exactly like an INFP I know. He's even described that physical sensation you were talking about since he was a child. So, either you're both really weird INFPs, you're both mistyped and are actually something else, you both have the same disorder, or... this could be true to type.
Exactly the same, that physical sensation, with my INFP.
 

jeeze

New member
Joined
Nov 22, 2008
Messages
26
MBTI Type
infp
I've just come back from Bahia Conception, Mx. I spent more than a week alone sleeping on white sandy, sea shell beaches, playing with random hobo dogs and fishing to eat. What a relief. At the same time, however, I did get lonely. I yearn to be a part of a social environment and interact with people. My Spanish is fair, so some of my ability to feel other gets lost in translation, which upon holiday really works out to my benefit. Anyway, this is so great to back come back to your responses.

I would like to respond to these responses. I feel deeply appreciative that you've taken time to respond to my original post. On side note, upon return to California and within hours of my return, I am already feeling out of place. It's not traumatic, but it is so difficult to feel people's uneasiness with respect to their position in this world.
 
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