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  1. #21
    Senior Member alcea rosea's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lukepd View Post
    yeah pretty much what I'm saying
    Whoops, didin't notice I was repeating your words.

    What I should have said is that I agree with your (previous) post. :

  2. #22
    The High Priestess Amargith's Avatar
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    I will only miss that kinda bodylanguage of someone I'm not in tune with. That means, if I'm focussed on a person, I can usually tell that they are flirting back at me. People I haven't made an effort to get to know yet (but know in group for instance), I can get blindsighted by.

    However, even if I pick up on it, I can sometimes underestimate the intensity of their emotions, as I use flirting to be friendly. Not everybody does. Some only flirt when they mean it, and then I can sometimes be surprised when they drop all subtleties *grin*

    Or people who at first keep you at arms length for a long time and suddenly that wall collapses and the trust you suddenly get opens a secret doorway to their heart. It is incredible when that happens but it's always a bit of a shock to see their bodylanguage and attitude change so suddenly
    ★ڿڰۣ✿ℒoѵℯ✿ڿڰۣ★





    "Harm none, do as ye will”

  3. #23
    Junior Member Izzybeef's Avatar
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    since enfps have a tendancy more than most other types to take their personal relationships almost more seriously than anything else i can definitely see why this potential "problem" has arised. I'd trust his word first off. An enfp generally won't get involved with someone that they truley care for if they don't feel that they could provide them with sufficient attention and appreciation. As wierd as it sounds he probably does like you a lot and is being completely truthful in the sense that he'd rather get his head on straight more than rush into something he can't put the better part of his time into. Maybe you weren't asking for this next piece of advise but i'f say if you were looking for more than just a platonic/friend type deal go for a best friends with benefits thing. Enfps are very loyal and understanding and will accomidate to your needs whether you realize it or not.
    "Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the law...
    Love is the law;
    Love under will
    " - Aleister Crowley

  4. #24
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    Oh dear!
    My ENFP is back and says he's thinking about moving to my country
    to study if he lose his job. I think it's only one the a million ideas that he has in
    mind, which is always changing.
    He said he had feelings for me but it's a big commitment,it's tough time (at
    work), there's cultural difference. And suggest that we be friends.
    My guess is that he still hasn't made up his mind. Should I tell him I'll be waiting
    or just wait in silence? I know he came back for a reason.

    I don't want to push him and I'm prepared to let him go as there is no point forcing
    people to be with me if they don't want to.

    And thanks Izzybeef for the advise, do you mean loyal as " I only sleep with you"?

  5. #25
    RETIRED CzeCze's Avatar
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    Wowowow.

    Take things slow.

    I'm thinking as an INFJ you probably will get more hurt than the ENFP.

    ENFPs can get really into people on a semi-regularl basis and truly emotionally invest and attach but also healthy mature ENFPs bounce back really quickly and/or wholly from heartbreak.

    Regardless of his type, do not EVER put all your eggs in one basket.

    The question is, what do YOU want?

    Figure that out, tell him, and then move on while he figures out his answer. Be prepared for both the 'yes' and the 'no' so you'll be ready when he has his answer.

    And then proceed accordingly.

    Don't wait on someone who is very clearly and openly noncommital and vacillating. While you are focusing on this very maybe situation, there are other opportunities around you that you're missing.
    “If you want to tell people the truth, make them laugh, otherwise they'll kill you.” ― Oscar Wilde

    "I'm outtie 5000" ― Romulux

    Johari/Nohari

  6. #26
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    great advice cze cze
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
    -Jim Morrison

  7. #27
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    Thank you for the advice Cze Cze.

    I thought ENFPs would tell me be patient. :-)

    I have known him for years and believe that he would never
    do anything to hurt me. And as an INFJ, I can't do two things
    and go both ways at once (I really wish I could).

    It sounds to me like the current situation with his job makes him
    feel he can not give me what I want.

    I'm just afraid once I make a decision there will be no way back.
    It's nearly impossible to change my mind.

  8. #28
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    do not EVER put all your eggs in one basket.
    Reminds me of Ingrid Bergman in Casablanca.
    Somehow I can never understand that character.

  9. #29

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    Quote Originally Posted by dearie.b View Post
    And thanks Izzybeef for the advise, do you mean loyal as " I only sleep with you"?
    I know we are a decent way into the thread, but are you sure he is an ENFP? A few things have seemed out of place.

    ENFP Relationships

    I more often seem to be in the position that you are in. I've never put work before people in my life. People, if anything, would be used as an excuse not to work . Is his job ideal, or is he struggling for money, or is there some huge reason why work is so important and vital? Work is classically pretty low on the list for ENFPs in terms of values. And I also normally work on the basis that I can adapt, and there are always more hours in the day. If anything his approach is unnecessarily rigid, especially if he likes you.
    Freude, schöner Götterfunken Tochter aus Elysium, Wir betreten feuertrunken, Himmlische, dein Heiligtum! Deine Zauber binden wieder Was die Mode streng geteilt; Alle Menschen werden Brüder, Wo dein sanfter Flügel weilt.

  10. #30
    Junior Member gonzo's Avatar
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    Hey,

    If i try to put myself in the situation you are refering to, in the limits of my understanding, i tend to think...

    You seem to expect a "decision" from him (be with you or not like a commitment) but is this his way of proceeding? It's not mine. I don't "decide" to be someone.

    It happens that i feel good (or not) when i see that person. I feel stuff i wouldn't feel otherwise. And it may be quite basic, but finally of absolute importance for me to build a relationship: how we cook and eat together, how we sleep. Does it happen that we decide for a movie or a trip or a restaurant at the last minute?

    For me, a real relationship fulfills various needs, including very basic ones i tend to forget if not in a relationship. What stays at the end is not the 'discussions' but those basic stuff + that silent look at the landscape we shared from the window of a train, our ability to dream about that travel that never occured...

    Euh... so if you are expecting any advise, and if the guy was me, i would suggest not to wait for a "decision" but try instead to share with him really basic needs on a regular basis. Make him feel he's alive with you, can rest, share food, bed, jokes. He will finally come back everyday.

    It's just what i think.

    Great news he came back!

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