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  1. #1
    heart on fire
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    Default NF:Accommodating Others?

    I keep seeing the statement that NF live to accommodate others, while NT live to seek truth. Questions like this make me re-think the whole business of type all over again.

    I do not accommodate others very much in my life. I don't particularly like to compromise or conform to what others want me to do and I certainly don't live to compromise or conform. I'll do it to get along at work or to please someone very close to me but I don't live for it and I find it extremely unpleasant when I have to.

    I do spend a great deal of time seeking truth through study and thought, but I admit that my own feelings are allowed a voice in what I believe. The truths I seek are more about those surrounding human or animal welfare, psychology, good vs. evil.

    I have my own idea of truth based on this and I would not compromise this to please someone else or to accommodate for them...at least not without feeling great pain that I had betrayed my own beliefs. I would see that as a denial of my own personal truth and one of the most self-damaging things I could do.

    What do other NF think about this? Do you really live to compromise and conform to what others want you to be or do for them?

  2. #2
    @.~*virinaĉo*~.@ Totenkindly's Avatar
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    I would like to see what the NFs say, but I would not use the word "conformity" to describe them, nor would I call it "compromise."

    For NFs, truth seems to be very relational and personal. This leads them to make space for others and accommodate them as unique and worthwhile spirits in ways that other types generally do not (at least not instinctively).

    NTs originally seem to fixate on impersonal truth (i.e., look around at the world and speculate on what might be there and what is possible, based on the impersonal cause/effect system). People are not necessarily the end result of the system, just a piece of it.
    "Hey Capa -- We're only stardust." ~ "Sunshine"

    “Pleasure to me is wonder—the unexplored, the unexpected, the thing that is hidden and the changeless thing that lurks behind superficial mutability. To trace the remote in the immediate; the eternal in the ephemeral; the past in the present; the infinite in the finite; these are to me the springs of delight and beauty.” ~ H.P. Lovecraft

  3. #3
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    I am going off the definition of accommodation here.

    I would say I am able to appreciate other's differences but I do not *live* to settle their differences nor to change my own outlook to make them feel more comfortable. I do not enjoy being a negotiatior for others conflicts.

    I am able most often to empath their individual situations but I do not always act on those feelings, especially if the facts of the situation show that they created their own pain. I can feel for them without feeling moved to act for them. Sometimes people have to deal with their own stuff before they learn anything and anyway a person can really get burned out fighting for the causes of people who won't learn from their own mistakes and who won't be honest with themselves.

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    Senior Member ptgatsby's Avatar
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    Not to speak for the NFs, but I think the difference can be seen in the thread about being more responsible before raising kids.

    NFs, yourself included, bind yourself to the personal relationships in a situation. The travesty of having kids before being ready is a personal issue. For the NTs that were agreeing with you, they weren't agreeing with you, only the portion that was objective while you didn't agree with the objective view. In a way, we simply weren't able to talk each other.

    Having said that, accommodation is only one factor of being a F - I suspect you are extremely low in accommodation while high in compassion and empathy. I can't comment on the tender and accepting. Even if you believe in MBTI and cognitive traits as absolutes, you could of been developed in a way to reduce your accommodation.

  5. #5
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    The part that you seemed to have the most trouble understanding me about in the childfree thread was the idea that an otherwise rational and reasonable person could have an intentional blind spot towards their own weaknesses that could cause them trouble.

    Humans, no matter how devoted to logical thought, are not robots. If we put denial into our software programs, we're going to be prone to error. That was my main point in that thread about the issue but it got drowned out.

  6. #6
    Senior Member ptgatsby's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by heart View Post
    Humans, no matter how devoted to logical thought, are not robots. If we put denial into our software programs, we're going to be prone to error. That was my main point in that thread about the issue but it got drowned out.
    No, I got your point and I don't want to derail the thread... but it highlights the difference. I stopped responding because we simply couldn't relate to each other. The question as to why we couldn't relate can be summed up in the personal view (exactly what you said above) compared to my need for the situation to be logically coherent (the solution was prohibited by the condition). If you look at the thread, the T's were all in agreement but felt something was wrong with it - that is why.

  7. #7
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    Quote Originally Posted by ptgatsby View Post
    No, I got your point and I don't want to derail the thread...
    Uh, you brought it up again....


    but it highlights the difference. I stopped responding because we simply couldn't relate to each other. The question as to why we couldn't relate can be summed up in the personal view (exactly what you said above) compared to my need for the situation to be logically coherent (the solution was prohibited by the condition). If you look at the thread, the T's were all in agreement but felt something was wrong with it - that is why.

    My very point was that the behavior of human beings cannot be ascribed to totally logical terms because of the irrational nature of the ego and its defeneses. That's not just my personal view. Psychologists spend their lives studying this aspect of human nature and how to help people see around their own self deception. Carl Jung said that the avoidance of pain was the root cause of all neurosis.

    As I remember there was only one NT and a few NF discussing the issue I raised. There was one ST, but he didn't really say anything except to ask how I would have felt to have never been born, I didn't really see that as adding anything to the issue. The sampling was really too small and the NF reacted as strongly to my premise about defense mechanisms as you did.

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    Senior Member ptgatsby's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by heart View Post
    Uh, you brought it up again....
    I was trying to explain the differences between NF approaches and NT approaches but you don't seem interested in that part of it so I'll stop it here. You are right about the thread participants, I must of been thinking about another thread that we were in... Or I'm just plain confused.

  9. #9
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    Quote Originally Posted by ptgatsby View Post
    I was trying to explain the differences between NF approaches and NT approaches but you don't seem interested in that part of it so I'll stop it here.
    The way I understood what you said is that an F may be more comfortable with the ambiguity of certain aspects of human nature while the T will not be comfortable thinking about those aspects. They want life to fit logical parameters while Fs are more comfortable observing illogical aspects that come into things. You'll have to refine my understanding there because I probably understood you wrong.

    The real question I am asking in this post is, do NF really live to accommodate others? I understand that NF are different than NT in their views but is the difference really accommodating to others?

  10. #10
    darkened dreams labyrinthine's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jennifer View Post
    For NFs, truth seems to be very relational and personal. This leads them to make space for others and accommodate them as unique and worthwhile spirits in ways that other types generally do not (at least not instinctively).
    I recognize that everyone has a flawed and personal perception to some extent. This is why I attempt to remove myself as a source of truth, and respect the boundaries of others 'truth'.

    Quote Originally Posted by Jennifer View Post
    NTs originally seem to fixate on impersonal truth (i.e., look around at the world and speculate on what might be there and what is possible, based on the impersonal cause/effect system). People are not necessarily the end result of the system, just a piece of it.
    This is my ideal, but find that human beings in general have a great struggle to achieve it. I'm fascinated by the interplay between perception and reality. What i caution against most is when someone confuses 'objectivity' for their own personal bias. That is why it is important to acknowledge the nature of bias - it is part of that bigger picture of truth.
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