[Jungian Cognitive Functions] So How Would You React?

[Glycerine]

Saying "yes, kind of" to the MILF thing doesn't strike me as inappropriate.

Re: "My girlfriend has to shoe horn her fat a** into her jeans."
In high school, I would've taken that sucker out on the spot. These days, I'd probably not care (provided the 2 examples you gave were the only incidents that occured).

It's hard to judge whether or not you're overreacting with this second incident... if it really does bother you, you'd have little to lose by taking him aside after class and presenting a respectful case as to why he sucks.

Well he actually laughed and just said, "yes" . I said, "Oh my god" and he replied, "well, [student's name] is the one that said it, not me" in a defensive manner (referring to the MILF comment). It was kind of funny in hindsight, I guess. haha there were a lot more remarks like this! It might have been the regularity that drove me nuts.

 

[kyuuei]

Oy!! .. My apologies, I always think people are in college or something, adult-to-adult conversations.

High school teachers have a responsibility to hold back their personalities in the presense of children to set an example of proper workplace ethics. I had thought the situation to be two isolated incidents from the OP. If these are two of many, I'd say your discomfort is warranted.

 

[Anja]

Whew, kyuuei. I was ready to take you aside and give you some lessons in self-protection from sexual predators on this one!

Let me say that any teacher at any level must be conscious of the power differential between a teacher and a student and work to protect that barrier. Not take advantage of it, as well.

Those of you who know how sexual predators work will recognize this "inviting" of a victim they are grooming into their private sexual lives. They test the waters first with a few light phrases to get the others' reaction.

Not sayin' this guy has anything more in mind. But his all too casual comments, as Jennifer acknowledges, set up a situation which could turn into something more difficult to deal with than mere squeamishness.

I would avoid addressing him in private about this issue, myself. Actually I'd avoid being alone with him in any situation.

Either this young man has been poorly educated in professional teaching techniques, is trolling for a young girl who would be most flattered to be teacher's pet, or he's hopelessly immature and doesn't have a clue. Any of the above are cause for concern.

Yes, standards have changed. But the nature of human behavior has changed very little. This is unfortunate and we see an increase in sexualization of children and their accompanying results every time we pick up a newspaper.

I'd trust my guts on this one. If in doubt, young women, get yourselves some education about this issue. It sounds as though many here are so comfortable with it that they are unaware of the potential problems. Scary.

 

[Glycerine]

Oy!! .. My apologies, I always think people are in college or something, adult-to-adult conversations.

High school teachers have a responsibility to hold back their personalities in the presense of children to set an example of proper workplace ethics. I had thought the situation to be two isolated incidents from the OP. If these are two of many, I'd say your discomfort is warranted.

haha, it's all good, I graduated from his class last year after having him for two years but I was still kind of confused why he had such an unusual effect on me compared to all my other teachers: past and present.


Anja, I was starting to think that he might just be an immature INFP but I still wonder if there is still more to that.

He probably was an INFP because: talked about the meaning of life, love, and suffering a lot, had a jaded sense of idealism, didn't always grade or return our assignments, very sensitive to criticism, very abstract in thought, laid back, low-energy, non-conformist, didn't really socialize much outside of the classroom (like in the halls), was apathetic to social cues (like smiling and saying "hi").

I'm sorry if this all very negative. He cared about his students but we tended to clash a lot for some reason.

 

[Anja]

I would think you would. He's operating at your level!

This deal of running his GF down to you guys suggests that he may be open a substitute. Is this something you could talk to your parents about?

I dunno. Not good.

I used to teach and have watched this kinda thing happen with young male teachers fresh out of college. The news indicates that our young women are also getting involved in this kind of exploitation of the students who are trusting them to be good role models and teachers.

A generation which has grown up in a sexually-saturated society sometimes doesn't see with the same eyes that come with having experienced what happens when boundaries are crossed.

I had a terrible time with this in college - the "Be my friend and you'll get an "A" thing. It creates a real mess for the student.

And I have a special personal interest in this as my daughter was sexually assaulted by a teacher when she was sixteen. She ended up in a neck brace when she went ballistic and fended him off. It all wound up in court, his pregnant wife divorced him, he lost his job and more than a decade later my daughter still has problems with her neck.

Lotta people were affected for a long time.

 

[Glycerine]

I would think you would. He's operating at your level!

This deal of running his GF down to you guys suggests that he may be open a substitute. Is this something you could talk to your parents about?

I dunno. Not good.

I used to teach and have watched this kinda thing happen with young male teachers fresh out of college. The news indicates that our young women are also getting involved in this kind of exploitation of the students who are trusting them to be good role models and teachers.

A generation which has grown up in a sexually-saturated society sometimes doesn't see with the same eyes that come with having experienced what happens when boundaries are crossed.

I had a terrible time with this in college - the "Be my friend and you'll get an "A" thing. It creates a real mess for the student.

And I have a special personal interest in this as my daughter was sexually assaulted by a teacher when she was sixteen. She ended up in a neck brace when she went ballistic and fended him off. It all wound up in court, his pregnant wife divorced him, he lost his job and more than a decade later my daughter still has problems with her neck.

Lotta people were affected for a long time.

That really stinks about your daughter! Ironically, he's probably 40 or so. Thank you for your perspective! I'll be more cautious with my teachers.

 

[phoenix13]

Well he actually laughed and just said, "yes" . I said, "Oh my god" and he replied, "well, [student's name] is the one that said it, not me" in a defensive manner (referring to the MILF comment). It was kind of funny in hindsight, I guess. haha there were a lot more remarks like this! It might have been the regularity that drove me nuts.

Ah, I see. I think it's time to take him out. Get an argument together complete with examples and a solid explanation of why it's inappropriate (that'll be stronger than an explanation of why it makes you uncomfortable). Be respectful, professional, blah blah. You've gotta calmly stab him with a smile on your face... that sort of thing.

 

[Synarch]

I would think you would. He's operating at your level!

This deal of running his GF down to you guys suggests that he may be open a substitute. Is this something you could talk to your parents about?

I dunno. Not good.

I used to teach and have watched this kinda thing happen with young male teachers fresh out of college. The news indicates that our young women are also getting involved in this kind of exploitation of the students who are trusting them to be good role models and teachers.

A generation which has grown up in a sexually-saturated society sometimes doesn't see with the same eyes that come with having experienced what happens when boundaries are crossed.

I had a terrible time with this in college - the "Be my friend and you'll get an "A" thing. It creates a real mess for the student.

And I have a special personal interest in this as my daughter was sexually assaulted by a teacher when she was sixteen. She ended up in a neck brace when she went ballistic and fended him off. It all wound up in court, his pregnant wife divorced him, he lost his job and more than a decade later my daughter still has problems with her neck.

Lotta people were affected for a long time.

I hope he got his legs broken.

 

[Anja]

Actually what happened was pretty sad, Synarch, and in the end he got his just desserts but it required a lot of work on our part to bring him to justice.


The city wanted to charge him with disorderly conduct! And I stood firm on charging him with assault. I had to call the State Attorney General and he came to town and the City attorney lost her job.

I dont know what this guy had going for him. I checked his criminal record and he had several past drug charges. I suspect he was serving as an informant for the police department and they were trying to keep him in his job.

He was given our address on his papers but we weren't allowed personal information bout him. I found out he lived a few blocks from our house.

His PO stood up for him. Made the excuse that it was St. Patrick's Day and he was celebrating. (He had an Italian name!)

We had to sit in court and listen to a psychiatrist say that he was good man and went to church regularly. The judge didn't allow my daughter to read her statement because he said that he'd already read it. This was a legal violation of her rights.

When I brought my daughter into the police station to get photos of the bruises they dismissed the victim's assistance people and said they wouldn't be needed!

He was fined a hundred dollars and sat in jail for four weekends so he could teach during the week. Fortunately the school fired him at the end of the school year.

He violated the restraining order twice but the court told me to just ignore him and he'd stop!

I was so angry that I testified on domestic abuse for the State Senate and then things started changing. Years later I still carry some ill will from city employees.

I hope things have improved since then.

INFPs may be reticent, but don't nobody lay a hand on my kid!

 

[Synarch]

INFPs may be reticent, but don't nobody lay a hand on my kid!

Amen.

 

[01011010]

Don't be so serious. It doesn't directly affect you.

 

[Glycerine]

Don't be so serious. It doesn't directly affect you.

Good advice.

 

[mwv6r]

I agree with Anja. The teacher sounds like a creep. Not necessarily the "MILF" comment, but certainly the references to his girlfriend's anatomy were (a) gross, (b) not funny, and (c) completely inappropriate for any audience, but especially for those under 18! I have known of wayyyy too many scuzzy male high school teachers who try to act cool with their students and tell inappropriate sex jokes, and in some cases I heard later on about them actually having sexual relations with students.

 

[Orangey]

One of my high school male teachers (INFP) brought up how Hamlet might have had a thing for his mother and we were going to watch a movie with young Glen Close playing Hamlet's mother. So one of the people asked the teacher if Glen Close was a MILF (mother I'd Like to f***) and the teacher said yes kind of jokingly.

Another time he said, "My girlfriend has to shoe horn her fat a** into her jeans" (without clarifying that the girlfriend had actually said this until after I got offended). I got so offended by both instances because of the supposed "inappropriateness"?

Would you consider it funny or offensive?
I was curious if that is a Fi vs. Fe clash at work?

I wouldn't have been offended by either, but I would have been annoyed by the stupidity of the first question and the insipidity of the last comment.

 

[Anja]

Don't be so serious. It doesn't directly affect you.

The deal is, that if you have kids or plan on having kids, or if you plan to have a loved one someday, or have parents who have problems and that person can't act in a legal or professional manner - any of the above - it does directly affect you.

It takes more than one angry mom to make changes, ya know. . .

 

[Orangey]

The deal is, that if you have kids or plan on having kids, or if you plan to have a loved one someday, or have parents who have problems and that person can't act in a legal or professional manner - any of the above - it does directly affect you.

It takes more than one angry mom to make changes, ya know. . .

Wait, how does responding to some idiot kid's question about MILFs and talking about his GFs fat pose any sort of danger to kids?

 

[Chukamok]

Do you know what teachers are paid? I'm amazed the school system found someone as classy as him. You get what you pay for.

 

[Anja]

Wait, how does responding to some idiot kid's question about MILFs and talking about his GFs fat pose any sort of danger to kids?

How the heck did you get that out of my post?

 

[Orangey]

How the heck did you get that out of my post?

Um...I may be mistaken, but I gathered from your series of posts in this thread that you believed the actions of this teacher (in the situations described in the OP) to be inappropriate in some way. So I asked why.

 

[Jack Flak]

Since a bunch of non-NFs have already posted: I think it's hilarious, and I would have laughed the day away.