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  1. #1
    Senior Member Harlow_Jem's Avatar
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    Default E/INTJs interacting with ENFJs

    Is it possible for E/INTJ's to interact peacefully with ENFJs at a profound, meaningful level?

    It seems like we're so completely opposite that all that occurs is a profound clashing. As an E/INTJ I always demand things to be spoken bluntly so that there's no possibility of an elephant just standing there in the room while ENFJ's seem to think the elephant in the room is a security blanket or something that needs no acknowledgment.

    Do any ENFJs here have any close E/INTJ friends or significant others?

    "I have no need for good souls; an accomplice is what I want"--Sartre


    psychic changes are born in your heart, entertain.

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    On a mission Usehername's Avatar
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    Yes.

    But you need an NTJ who knows when to employ tact and when to respect someone's emotional state.
    *You don't have a soul. You are a Soul. You have a body.
    *Faith is the art of holding on to things your reason once accepted, despite your changing moods.
    C.S. Lewis

  3. #3
    Senior Member Harlow_Jem's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Usehername View Post
    Yes.

    But you need an NTJ who knows when to employ tact and when to respect someone's emotional state.
    Where can I sign up for FSL (Feelings as a Second Language)??

    "I have no need for good souls; an accomplice is what I want"--Sartre


    psychic changes are born in your heart, entertain.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Harlow_Jem View Post
    Where can I sign up for FSL (Feelings as a Second Language)??
    lol Get in line.

    NFJ variety is infuriating. I experienced the same problems you did. They take everything so personally, when all you want to do is sort out the mess and be done with it.

    At some point, you will have to try and be more emotionally available and softer in the way you approach issues, if your really want to make it work. Hopefully, your partner wants to put in the same effort. I'd verify that he does though, before attempting such an investment and compromise.

  5. #5
    On a mission Usehername's Avatar
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    My experience is that NFs really do search for genuineness in others. Thus, when you bluntly ask, "was my comment an inappropriate comment?" or, "should I be trying to console you now?" or, "how can I best be your [friend/daughter/girlfriend, etc.] at this moment?" they read this as what it is when it comes from an NTJ. Genuine learning (through the best means we know how) how to connect.

    This is, quite honestly, how I learned. God bless my ENFP daddy.
    *You don't have a soul. You are a Soul. You have a body.
    *Faith is the art of holding on to things your reason once accepted, despite your changing moods.
    C.S. Lewis

  6. #6
    Senior Member Harlow_Jem's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by 01011010 View Post
    lol Get in line.

    NFJ variety is infuriating. I experienced the same problems you did. They take everything so personally, when all you want to do is sort out the mess and be done with it.

    At some point, you will have to try and be more emotionally available and softer in the way you approach issues, if your really want to make it work. Hopefully, your partner wants to put in the same effort. I'd verify that he does though, before attempting such an investment and compromise.
    Right. But how exactly and what exactly is "softer in the way you approach issues"? I'm completely clueless as to the ABC's of that "softer" language. My ENFJ literally called me "clueless."

    "I have no need for good souls; an accomplice is what I want"--Sartre


    psychic changes are born in your heart, entertain.

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  7. #7
    Senior Member Harlow_Jem's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Usehername View Post
    My experience is that NFs really do search for genuineness in others. Thus, when you bluntly ask, "was my comment an inappropriate comment?" or, "should I be trying to console you now?" or, "how can I best be your [friend/daughter/girlfriend, etc.] at this moment?" they read this as what it is when it comes from an NTJ. Genuine learning (through the best means we know how) how to connect.

    This is, quite honestly, how I learned. God bless my ENFP daddy.
    What if an ENFJ doesn't really have any idea about typology and sees all people as just one type? Thus, he just sees people as insensitive/clueless or not? I think the bigger issue is that since I know he's an ENFJ, I try my hardest to speak his language to him but he doesn't really know what an E/INTJ is so he just gets really pissed when I'm genuinely trying to communicate.

    "I have no need for good souls; an accomplice is what I want"--Sartre


    psychic changes are born in your heart, entertain.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Harlow_Jem View Post
    Right. But how exactly and what exactly is "softer in the way you approach issues"? I'm completely clueless as to the ABC's of that "softer" language. My ENFJ literally called me "clueless."
    Before or after he read that letter?

  9. #9
    Senior Member Harlow_Jem's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jack Flak View Post
    Before or after he read that letter?
    Haha, I never sent that letter. I sent one that was translated by my ENFP best friend into Feeler's language.

    "I have no need for good souls; an accomplice is what I want"--Sartre


    psychic changes are born in your heart, entertain.

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  10. #10
    On a mission Usehername's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Harlow_Jem View Post
    What if an ENFJ doesn't really have any idea about typology and sees all people as just one type? Thus, he just sees people as insensitive/clueless or not? I think the bigger issue is that since I know he's an ENFJ, I try my hardest to speak his language to him but he doesn't really know what an E/INTJ is so he just gets really pissed when I'm genuinely trying to communicate.
    So long as you're making an effort to grow and develop yourself and your relationships and your consideration of others' POV, that's the best you can do. My assertion that the NTJ needs to learn tact and how to be considerate of emotional states has the converse as well--ENFJs need to learn that dealing with life primarily through logic is not substandard and that it is not okay to wield their emotional state over another being.

    Quote Originally Posted by Jack Flak View Post
    Before or after he read that letter?
    Lol. Teh Flak has a very good point.
    *You don't have a soul. You are a Soul. You have a body.
    *Faith is the art of holding on to things your reason once accepted, despite your changing moods.
    C.S. Lewis

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